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Should I stop co-sleeping? feel like i've failed!

5 replies

sleepymummyzzzzzzzz · 02/01/2011 07:44

Think i just need some advice on what to do for the best. I feel like such a failure as i have co-slept with my now 1yr old dd pretty much since birth. I only bf for 3-4 months and i suppose i should have stopped co sleeping then but it seemed easier and she would never sleep in her cot- very active baby.
At the moment she has been so unsettled dunno if its because she is walking a little bit or something else. The problem i have at the moment is having to go to bed at 7.30 as she used to sleep at first in her playpen/travel cot then come with me to bed at a reasonable grown up time! If i put her in her cot in her room she screams so much that i have to scoop her up and have her with me. Its seems easier as i work full time and need all the rest i can as we have been on our own since day one.
So i suppose my question is how can i get her in her cot- what method has worked for those who have done it at this age??

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Norabattystights · 02/01/2011 07:47

Bumping for you because my lo is 10 months old and I am having the same problem! Knackering isn't it.

wolfhound · 02/01/2011 08:00

I had this problem too, or similar. I co-slept with both DS1 and DS2. DS1 till he was about 15-16 mths. He was not a problem - he always slept in his cot for the first few hours of the night, then came into bed with us when he woke up. With him, I put a futon in his room, and to begin with, when he woke up, I brought him into the futon (rather than our bed). After a week of that, when he was used to staying in his room, I started putting him back in the cot after he fell asleep in the futon. He would wake up a lot more often, and it was a tough week to ten days, but then he started getting used to it and staying asleep longer in the cot. Finally, he stopped waking up, and I stopped sleeping in his room at all. It was easier for me though, as DH and I took turns sleeping in his room, so each had a good alternate night's sleep.

With DS2, intended to follow the same pattern, but he went through a phase like your DD, where he would NOT go to sleep in his cot. He was about 15 mths. So, for a while, I used to bring him down to the living room, turn the lights very very low, and let him crawl around in his sleeping bag (but didn't play with him.) When he got tired, he would come and sit on my lap and finally fall asleep on my lap. Then DH would carry him up & put him in his cot. He would wake up several times in the night, and each time have to sit on my lap in his room to go back to sleep. Some nights I would fall asleep on the chair in his room (with freezing cold feet). Occasionally I would end up bringing him back into our bed as desperate for sleep. Couldn't alternate with DH as DS2 would only have me. Thought I would die of tiredness. But, after 2-3 weeks, I decided to rearrange his room. Made it look much nicer and cosier, with a soft light in one corner, and magically, that night, he was happy to stay in his room and fall asleep on my lap there (rather than coming down to the living room). Breakthrough! Another week, and he was not waking up so often. Another week, and he was (mostly) sleeping through, plus if he did wake up, going back into his cot very quickly. I feel like a different person. Incidentally, I also realised with hindsight, that through all the time that DS2 was resisting going to sleep, he actually had a chain of colds/coughs/teething. Might that be an issue with your DD at the moment, so she is wanting extra comfort? Once DS2 was healthy again, that made a big difference.

Sorry for the long post, but I really feel for you - esp since you are on your own, so no-one to give you a break. Small steps. Maybe start with having her fall asleep in the bed with you, then transfer her to the cot. Perhaps she is no-longer finding the travel cot very comfy - can you get a more comfortable cot for her (I don't think travel cots are recommended for sleeping in all night every night). Let us know how you are getting on.

sleepymummyzzzzzzzz · 02/01/2011 08:13

Thanks wolf! glad to see its not just me- i may try and put her mattress on the floor in her room and stay with her as i know she sleeps like this at nursery (they too cant get her in a cot). I did have a lovely cot for her but she is so active that she always got stuck in the bars and it was all too horrible so i got a travel cot as it has soft sides and had a proper mattress made for it. She is quite happy in here for naps- usually naps 1 hr in the morning and 2hr in the aft. She sleeps thru but just not on her own- we are currently in bed now and she is fast on- sleeping horizontally across the bed, foot on mummys tummy!!!
she has had a few bouts of colds and teething lately so will see if it settles. I have a comfy chair for her room that may have to become my bed for a while.

OP posts:
maltymoo · 02/01/2011 08:26

Hello!I co sleep with my 10 month old DD...but I really prefer her to sleep for the first bit of the night alone, just so I feel I've had a few hours off duty.

The ONLY way I can do this is to put her to sleep lying down with her on her futon, & slink away once she is off into a deep sleep..takes less time than it used to as she has become more used to it. She still wakes on average every couple of hours, but at least i feel like i get snippets of an evening to myslef!

NAps are a different matter, and generally I still need to lie with her in order for her to get a decent nap...ahh, well...am getting a lot of reading done!

wolfhound · 03/01/2011 09:19

good luck sleepymummy. ds2 had constant colds coughs, teething from Sep to mid-Dec and sleep was rubbish. He is a different creature now & sleep is great. Dreading DS1s return to nursery as will probably catch another onslaught of bugs.

Maybe, like Maltymoo says, try getting up and leaving her in your bed, so she gets used to your lack of presence? Not very relaxing, I know, as you will need to keep an eye and make sure she doesn't fall out. But perhaps the first step is her getting used to not being alone. I sometimes wonder why no-one has thought of making a cot the size & strength of a double bed - so adults could climb out, leaving baby still there. Perhaps a bit weird...

Oh, and I also think that perhaps timing is everything. In another month or two, your DD might be in a different place developmentally, and it might suddenly be easier to get her to sleep alone. I have found that with mine on different things (moving them out of my bed, giving up BF etc. etc.) Sometimes waiting a few weeks and trying again works wonders. Not ideal when you really need a break now, though.

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