I can't cope

[ForFestiveSake]

Really, I can't. I have lost my temper this morning with DS (19 mon) I wanted to smack him and I told him to shut up etc. I've never been like this before. Now I am so upset and keep thinking the kids will be better somewhere else as I obviously can't do this. I'm scared I was so close to hurting him.

It's just me here so I have no help. DS co-slept until he was 1. Moved into his own cot and room really easily but after a month or so woke around 2-3 and wouldn't settle unless in my bed.

He goes to bed with a bottle. He wakes around midnight for a drink of juice but I think this should be stopped as he often leaks through his nappy which causes him to be awake by the time I've changed him.

I need to know how to stop the juice thing - he just cries for ages if I give water or don't get more juice. And also how to get him to settle in his bed again in the night.

I can't cope with the broken sleep. I can't deal with sharing my bed anymore - I get woken up, kicked, drooled on and he likes to pinch as he's dropping off. I'm geting so so cross and need help :(

:( anyone?

Any suggestions as to what I should do or who can help me?

God I'm sorry to hear this, I have no advice but I'm going through some pretty bad sleeping issues with my DD at the minute so don't worry, you are not alone. Hope someone comes along soon who can give you some pointers.

Oh, I have no advice either, but can relate :( Not much help, just wanted to say you are definitely not alone (and I have only one DC!)

Is there any one who can help you for one night? It's amazing what a good nights sleep will do for you. It sounds like you're doing really, really well, it's so tough on you're on. If you can get some me time, even for an hour.. take care

Thanks.

I don't have anyone to help unfortunately :(

I'm just so worn out. I don't know if I should be leaving him to cry - which I hate the idea of and will cave over as he shares a room with DD and we live in a flat.

What do I do about the bottle issue? Do you just refuse and comfort them in another way? Is it wise to drop co-sleeping and bottles at the same time?

I just don't know. I'm frightened at how I was this morning. It's left me upset all day i just don't know what to do about it. I don't think I can tell anyone in RL. I'm scared of SS etc getting involved and don't want anything on record in case my ex wants custody.

Festive - I'm really sorry you are having a tough time at the moment.

I firstly wanted to reassure you that you are not alone - if we are truly honest with ourselves, we are all pushed to the limits with our kids sometimes. You are very brave to admit it and have the insight to try and get some help - well done.

In answer to your questions, I think you should do one thing at a time in small steps. When you say he goes to bed with a bottle, do you mean you leave him with it? If so, this is more of a comfort object than just having a drink a bedtime.

I would start by giving him a drink at bedtime and letting him drink it all before going to bed. The quantity of this can be reduced slowly over time once the middle of night juice has stopped.

The night juice can be reduced slowly so that he hardly notices. Then stop altogether. There will be some tears but he will still be with you.

Only after the drinking issues have resolved can you see if there is still a sleep issue and if you still want him in his own cot. This is a bit more tricky if he shares a room. How old is your dd? one option would be to have her in with you until he has cracked it although this may make him more resentful if he is aware of it. Another would be for you to sleep in a living area for a short while and the two kids in individual rooms until the issue has resolved.

Is there anyone ( friends or family) that can offer you some help/advice? It must be very very lonely to be coping with all this alone.

Big hugs from me to you x x x

amijee - thanks for the advice.

I've been so worked up about it.I didn't want to admit it to anyone to be honest as it's such a horrible thing but I feel I came so close to smacking him and I never want to be that person :( I'm really ashamed with how I spoke to him this morning.I said I hated him and I honestly felt it so deeply - he wasn't planned and I have never felt resentment towards him before even though things have always been extremely difficult from the moment I was pregnant. Now I am scared I have been hiding these feelings for all this time. I honestly love him but how I felt has scared me.

I think I will start with the bottle as a comfort thing as you say. It obviously causes problems as he wets through, wakes for more etc so without this he may be happier in his own bed.

I'll start by offering him a little less when he wakes tonight. And tomorrow he can have his drink before I put him to bed. Thanks for the advice. I have not been able to see a clear way out of this for some reason.

Thanks again

please come back on here to talk/ventilate if you need to.

If this is the first time in 19 mths you have felt like this...you are doing extremely well.

My dd3 was an accident and I have regular lapses of regret when things are getting tough. It's natural when you are tired and stressed.

Good luck x

Sleep deprivation does terrible things to you. Many of us have felt very negative feelings to our children at times. i don't think it's unusual and doesn't mean you would actually follow through with it.

Some good advice on here. Break the problem down into smaller ones and focus on the one that causes you most grief.