Need to resolve this situation now, I can't cope anymore!

[LolaBellsAllTheWay]

Sorry if this is a total rant but I have just wrote a post and it disappeared and am now very close to tears!! :(

Current situation, DD1 is 2.3yo and has never been a great sleeper, DD2 is 8mo and was an ok sleeper but it has now gone to pot.

I struggle to get DD1 down at night, DD2 can go down within half an hour but sometimes, like tonight can take hour an half. Then once asleep they both wake during the night and end up in with DP and I. This needs to stop. I can't cope anymore, I deliberately didn't go out today as I knew I wasn't fit to drive as I am so exhausted and DP is going to work on very little sleep.

I need to resolve this. Please tell me how! I will do it!!!

in a worse case scenario I would put up with the bedtime battles and even a night waking once from each as long as they settle in their own bed and I can go back to sleep!

we're exhausted (have I said that already)?

Also my periods have returned and are very heavy and I'm leaking onto my bed, not pleasant if the kids are in it! (i'm currently under GP advice for this).

Right, so where do I start?

Tonight putting them to bed with DD2 I put her in the cot and I didn't take her out, I just kept lying her back down when she climbed up. She is very stubborn hence the 90 min battle. I was planning on doing this again when she wakes (she doesn't wake for a feed so its just comfort).

Sorry, this is just a total ramble! Please help us

I should also point out that they share a room, although that does make going down longer they don't seem to wake each other up.

The situation has got that bed that I came downstairs tonight and immediately poured myself a large glass of wine! I haven't drank in the house in over 3 years!!!

Are they in the same room?

First child, don't get her into bed with you, try snuggling up in her bed.

Also, invest in one of those rabbit clocks that the ears move after 7am so the child knows it's not morning. Google it.

Second child, does she wear a grobag? If not, buy one off Ebay quick before Xmas. Don't go in unless she's really yelling.

You might already do this but we've always used CBeebies as a bedtime routine. 6pm is pyjama time and watching the Bedtime Hour, then story and lights out. Putting a stairgate across the toddler's room made a huge difference after just one night.

Well it will be easier to start with dd1, I presume she is in a bed. Every time she wakes in the night and comes into your bed, take her bed, say firmly, "night night, go back to sleep" and go back to your bed. She won't like it. But be firm. If she responds well to reward charts, try that; if she stays in her own bed all night she gets a star, five stars means some kind of treat, you know the sort of thing.

DD2 - well, my ds a that age DID need milk in the night, all those growth spurts etc. But if you want to do it without crying (her AND you) then do what you are doing, reassure her, but lie her back down, tell her "sleepy time, night time" or suchlike.

I can't comment on the heavy periods thing you if you are bleeding a lot and are really tired then you may be anaemic, try a good iron supplement - Spatone is one?

And don't worry about the wine - if that's what gets you through the night!!

No advice, but bumping for you. Sleep issues are shit!

Thanks for the responses.

Yes DD2 is in a grobag, she is an acrobat, can almost climb out the cot which is why we usually go to see her quickly. I have always been against controlled Crying, Cry it Out etc but I am now getting to the stage that extreme measure are needed.

DD1 is in a bed, she comes in to us, last night I took her back in and she settled quickly but stirred as soon as I moved. Tried settling her another 3 times and then gave in and brought her in with us.

I wasn't sure which one to deal with first. I thought maybe DD2 as she has the bad habits for the shorter time but do you think tackle DD1 first?

We did have a bedtime routine which included either bedtime hour or a film before bed but tonight I decided no tv as I feel that DD1 probably watches (in fact not probably, most definitely) more than she should as it was my saviour when dealing with DD2. I thought cutting it out altogether might help.

DP works long shifts and is out for bedtime 4 nights a week so it needs to be something that I can do on my own and unfortunately DD1 is just too young to be left watching TV on her own while I settle DD2.

But when DP is at home he is just as committed to resolving this as I am!

well maybe over Christmas when you both have a few days off.....

Make sure dd1's cot is at lowest setting then hopefully she won't climb out.

I am very anti-CC so can't advise you on that. And I wouldn't say dd2 had bad habits, I don't think that's a helpful way of looking at it.

But don't beat yourself up about the TV, CBeebies isn't going to hurt her, and as Silk says, the bedtime hour is a good night-time cue. My ds was astonished to find that the tv worked after 7pm when he was ill one day and I let him sit and watch with me in the evening....

My DS is 2.4 and is fine on his own, in fact if the CBeebies is on he is less likely to get up to mischief. But he is youngest of 3 so things tend to slide a bit here.

Sorry Teddies, I should rephrase that, they are DP and I's bad habits not the DD's.

We've never attempted any CC methods but nothing else has worked. We have tried with DD1 on numerous occasions. This has been the issue since she was a baby. She used to sleep in her cot from about 7 till 11 then it was in with us. I think because I feel pregnant so quickly and was so tired it was easier to just bring her in with us then it started from there!

With the TV thing, tonight they seemed more wound up going to bed as they played rather than watched tv. So tomorrow I think I'll change tact. TV in morning whilst getting ready and then only after dinner. No TV during the day.

Good luck. I do think it gets easier naturally with age. My ds was the world's worst sleeper, didn't sleep through until....well, not regularly until he was about 3.5, but they do improve as they get older. Someone once wrote on here that you have to treat children like labradors, walk them twice a day, give them lots of pats and encouragement, and they will reward you by sleeping on your bed and giving you unconditional love.

That is a very good comparison, DD1 did tell me tonight after me telling her off for the millionth time for getting out of bed, that she loved me very much! It did make me want to stick my head in the oven as I was very cross and she didn't even seem phased. Bless her! :)

The worst thing is that SIL's DD is 3 days younger than DD2 and she has slept through from 12 weeks and SIL thinks my problems stem from breast feeding! I don't see how as I stopped with both at roughly 6 month mark and neither sleep through yet!! but as you say it will get easier [fingers crossed]

So after the palaver of bedtime last night DD2 slept from 8pm until 7:30am!

DD1 wasn't as successful. She woke at 11:30pm and DP went to settle her and she had a meltdown. You would have thought he was killing her, blood curling screams etc so I went in after half an hour and firnly told her off and marched her back to bed and she went to bed as long as I would lie beside her which I did for an hour before she fell asleep. Then she came in beside us at 5:30am!

Tonight bedtime was quite good. DD2 took 45 mins to settle but I stuck with not lifting her out of her cot. Eventually after 40 mins I started singing to her. I don't know why I haven't tried this before as I used to do this with DD1. DD1 joined in and within 5 mins DD2 was out like a light. DD1 then took another half hour to settle whilst I sang to her.

During the day today I kept metioning how DD1 was now a big girl and she had to sleep in her own bed. Sometimes she'd agree and other times she'd say "no!! Mummy daddy's bed". So we'll see how it goes tonight. But tomorrow when DP is off I'm going to draw up a reward chart.

So next question. How should we go about this? Do I just do it for sleep or should I do it for other things, was thinking teethbrushing/potty training?

What do you so for rewards and should there be consequences (no toys etc).

And lastly, my songslist for tonight was hush little baby, rock a bye baby, I once had a dear old mother (cheery) and then I went on to Angels (robbie williams) and Everlong (foo fighters) .

Any other suggestions? I need longish songs otherwise DD1 just says whats next, whats next.

Good news with DD2!

Reward charts are all about positives not consequences. You don't take anything away or impose restrictions ie draw attention to the bad behaviour. You are simply praising the good behaviour with a reward. Never used one myself - DD was a born policewoman, DS1 has SN so we are all about clarity and consistency here, DS2 has only just dicovered he has free will at 2.4y of being lugged about in the family's wake so we'll see how we go with that.

Dr Christopher Green's book Toddler Taming is good for getting your head around what they are thinking. Have a look on Ebay for a copy.

I've always sung James Taylor songs for some reason inc one which is all about heroin abuse I believe.

Can't remember if I mentioned we have a stairgate accross the toddler's room. He got the message v quickly.

hi i'm bumping my thread, have namechanged now, but things are no better. Any more advice??