DD taking 15 mins to self soothe to sleep - is this ok???

[strawberryfieldsforever]

Looking for some advice/experience!!

I let my 14wk old DD self soothe to sleep at bedtime but most nights it takes her about 15mins of crying (which gets progressively quieter & less frequent). Is this normal?? We've been doing this from about 6wks I reckon but it still takes her this length of time - will we ever get to the stage where she just drops off?!? She's done this once or twice but I feel its been when she's been so tired she's glad to have eventually been put down in her moses! Now feeling that I'm being awful to her and she's simply falling asleep from exhaustion!

Weeeell, I personally wouldn't leave a baby that young crying. Can you pat her, stroke her to help her settle?

She's not really self-soothing she's crying herself to sleep.

Not normal to leave a 14 week old to cry it out, no. It's very stressful for them.

I've only done this as a real last resort when I couldn't be there to sit/cuddle (when I had to sort out older child for eaxmple). 14 weeks is still really young for 'self settling'

Not OK IMO. Crying for fifteen minutes? Sorry if this sounds harsh, but that's not "letting" a baby "self soothe", it's leaving to cry - and at an awfully young age.
It sounds like your instinct is telling you that this isn't right for your DD - my advice, FWIW, would be listen to that instinct and find gentler ways to settle her to sleep. I found The No-Cry Sleep Solution book useful.

no, it isn't normal tbh

she is a tiny baby. you shouldn't be doing any kind of controlled crying type sleep training on a baby that young

think even GF says 6 months!

you've been doing it for 8 weeks and it hasn't changed. that must tell you something?
she's crying because she needs you

I'm a bit shocked that you've been leaving her to cry since she was 6 weeks old to be honest. Even proponents of controlled crying methods don't recommend them for babies this young.

My 4 year old can't self settle and I wouldn't leave him to cry at all for 15 minutes. HTH.

I had missed that you've been doing this since 6 weeks. I am pretty shocked by that.
She is still a tiny baby and needs to be made to feel secure.

Argh ok - not enough info given! I started by sitting beside her moses and stroking her head gently and shhhing (also tried dummy but she doesn't seem to really want that) then after a week of doing this I started stroking her head until she was quiet then leave room, go back in after few mins and shhh/stroke again if not settled, and basically repeat until she'd dropped off. She's not crying so that she's red in face, thrashing about etc, more a kind of grizzle/grump. Perhaps I need to stop listening to my mother & sister so much who have been the advice givers so far!!

personally i've always fed my lot to sleep. it's a darned sight easier!

Listen to your own instincts, what do they tell you?

OK, so that doesn't sound so bad! I think (as you've found!) there was little point in trying to get a 6 week old to self-soothe. I've recently stopped feeding my 4 month old to sleep, and instead we've been sshing/patting him and sitting with him til he falls asleep. Generally that takes less than 15 minutes.

Could you try putting her to bed earlier so she's not so tired? Are you sure it's 15 minutes? That's actually quite a long time, I'd time it. Maybe leave her to fuss for a few minutes, then go back in if she doesn't settle and cuddle until she does settle and then put her back down again... That's just PUPD I know but it'd probably ease your conscience (sp) and let her know you don't disappear just because you leave the room. HTH.

I really think that at that age they're too young to learn much about self-soothing. I'm sure it's possible to teach them that they won't get a response to their cries so they save their breath - but whether that's a desirable lesson to teach a tiny baby, I'm not sure.

I think in the first six months doing what's easiest is best. For you all. Much else is probably hassle you would be happier without :)