Please help me with dd's sleep problem, cant cope anymore!

[marne]

Just spent an hour calming down a screaing toddler, cleaning up sick and crying. Feel like im a useless mother. Why is she like this? is it my fault. She seems to hate being put in her cot and screems before i even get her to the door, Then continues to cry and shout "get out now" and then screems like someone is killing her and then to top it off she throws up evrywhere and continues till her stomache is empty. She gets so worked up she strugles for breathe.
I am now realy upset that i let her get in this state, dh is shouting at me for making her sick but what else can i do?

She is now asleep in our bed and i feel like she has won.

This has gone on for too long now and i want to get it sorted out as i am pg with no2.

How can i do it, i feel i have tried evrything please help!

We got her a bed a few weeks ago, was fine for a few days and then back to screeming as soon as she went near it, so tried her back in her cot last night, managed to get her to sleep by making it in to a game but tonight she wasnt having none of it.

have you ever tried leaving your lo to 'cry it out' as this can lead to bad associations with the cot?

Apart from that - what sort of routine do you have in place e.g bath, stories, etc and how do you normally get your lo to go to sleep?

As lockets said, if your lo is hating the cot so much, it may be time to try a bed with bed guard and a stair gate. For the first few nights I might even go so far as to have one of you sleep in the room with her to reassure her that you are there when she wakes and will comfort her if she's distressed - this would help to restore her trust and overturn the bad association she has against the room/cot.

Shes 20 months sobernow, might give those drops a go if i can use them on her, willing to try angthing, we have tried phenergon (dont know if spelt corect) but that seemed to make her more awake and realy grumpy the next day.

From someone who had a dd who didnt sleep till she was 5.5 I would suggest a stairgate on the bedroom door, a drink and a cuddle and then just leave her, shut the front room door, ignore all the noise and just check every 5 mins or so without talking to her that shes ok.
Put her back in bed without saying a word and say night night...thats it.
I ended up with my toddler being up more often in the night thatn the baby and was 100 x more hassle than the baby to get to sleep.

Never realy been able to let her cry it out as she is sick after 5 mins.

She usualy watches bed time hour,has ten mins looking and reading books with me then goes to sleep with a bottle of milk, she has always gone to sleep on her own up to a month ago. She has never slept through the night.

GOD MARNE THIS IS LIKE MY dd at the moment and shes 3 next wk, shes always been great a going to bed but put her in a cot awhile back and had to revert back to atravel cot ! as i gave her cot away, and now this past week every night is a battle, presently shes screaming for me and wanting out, more water any excuse.

ds asleep thankfully she hasnt woke him.#

its a pain.
i am goung to get the rescue remedy too

Goodness this must be awful for you. DS is also a bad sleeper (he is 15 months now). We have never had a full night of unbroken sleep and he always ends up in our bed. I have just about had enough too so I talked to the HV who talked me through sleep training. She said DS may cry so hard he may be sick, but just to clean it up, no eye contact or discussion about it, and to carry on with the sleep training as before. I thought that sounded a bit harsh but she says after about 2 nights it won't happen anymore and a few friends have confirmed this. I have to admit that that discussion took place a few weeks ago and we still haven't got round to it. You know how it goes, feeling tired, we'll do it tomorrow... I definitely know how hard it is to break the cycle.

Good luck!

Could you try you're usual routine but put her in a bed as suggested with a gate and you stay with her until she is asleep - possibly by just sitting on the end of the bed reading you're own book to her then you're getting to read for you and by doing it in a shallow quiet tone she thinks you're doing it for her benefit

Is it the milk that she's bringing back? Would she allow you not to give it to her? Just a thought that water as sick is far less messy than milk.

Hope you get her sorted, it must be terrible for you all. Oh and try the rescue remedy, great stuff.

I have no experience of this (yet) poor you it sounds awful. i just wanted to back up hellomamas post because I saw a little girl on 'Little Angels' who would get so worked up and be sick at bedtime and they recommended the parents just cleaned it up calmly with minimum fuss and no eye contact/negotiation, just firmly stating it was time to sleep. It seemed to crack the problem. Also my health visitor said that little girls are often sick in this situation [don't want to say 'make themselves sick' but you know what I mean] and little boys often bang their heads - both sound like excellent, if extreme, ways to ensure mummy can't leave them. Hope you find a way through this. Oh, also it doesn't sound like your DH was very supportive, if you don't mind me saying, as you were already upset about what happened. I guess you both need to discuss any approach you are going to use to make sure you can both live with it.

lucycat, she brings up her tea as well as the milk.

Tried just leting her be sick but it happens so often i am woried it will harm her.

Already dreding tonight, i dont know what to do with her, do i try the cot again or give it a try tomorow?