Why won't my DSD sleep?!?!

[InnocentRedhead]

Well, i am really at the end of my tether on this one and really really really need help! My DSD is 19m and will not sleep, it takes at least two hours to put her down and it is really quite exhausting.

To begin with I work days and DP works nights (she is even like this with DP so it isn't as if she misses her Dad). So when i get home from work wround 7.30 all i want to do is chill out. I will have a bit of a chill with DSD as DP gets ready for work and then bath her, cuddle her then start to put her into bed. This is where the problems start!

We first of all try her in her cot, she can climb out now so this is pointless, we try relaxing her before putting her in her cot, she still gets out, when cradling her she trys to fight it, she will play with my necklace, touch my or her face, poke her dummy in her eye and she has just started making herself gag (which she does quite a lot - very worrying - but not only at bed time.) She just doesn't want to sleep.

We also try her with a night light or without the light on. Also Don't hate me for this one but we put a mattress up the side of her cot so she can't climb out so she will just chill out. Nope she will stand there crying for 10 minutes, 30 minutes and last night an hour, she still didn't fall asleep. (i hate her crying herself to sleep but when you are at the end of your tether i am a believer in tough love.) Last night she went to sleep at 22.15 after starting to try at 19.45 - 2.5 hours!!!! That just isn't normal and its exhausting, because then i have to tidy up, get myself ready for bed and work next day, then also chill out.

Get this though: Last night she went to sleep at 22.15 and i went to bed at just after midnight, at 10 to two i am awoken by her crying, i leave her for a minute to see if she settles again, which she doesn't, i go in there she is stood in her cot and then grins at me and bounces around. This morning it was play time until 5.30am when she got laid down and went to sleep! - which incidentally is the time i have to get ready for work, so i am work today on less than 1.5h sleep and i was running on fumes already (lots going on atm - previous posts in step parenting whilst also TTC with DP and also having MIL living with us whilst us both working), This isn't the worst of it, last week she was up at midnight so i got no sleep and went to work.

Even if she does go to sleep and stays asleep she is still up at 6am, she has less than 8 hours sleep a night and i dont function well on less than 8 hours.

Naptime during the day - sometimes she has one at around 11-12 and some days she just doesn't nap at all! She has a healthy diet, plenty of fruit and veg and hardly any sweets at all, she is extremely active and all she does all day is run around and she is healthy!

What is wrong with her because me and DP are at the end of our tethers ATM

she climbs out of the cot, so is time to get rid of the cot before she hurts herself

she also needs a proper bedtime routine, which would probably have her asleep before you got home from work

as she has bad sleep habits, you may need to resort to sleep training - gradual withdrawal or rapid return

both you and your DP need to agree on how to proceed, your HV may be able to advise him

What's her exact bedtime routine (please include timings too) and also when during this routine does DP leave for work?

Has she always been a poor sleeper?

Just need a bit more context.

If you are a believer in tough love, you need to decide what kind of tough love you are going to apply and then stick to your guns or you're not going to get a result. Leaving her to cry and then not following it through won't work (you say she cried for an hour but still didn't fall asleep so guessing you used an alternative method to get her to sleep?)

If she's messing you around at bedtime you need to keep the routine short. At 19 months she may not fully understand but tell her what's going to happen - bath, 1 story, milk and then bed. I'm not going to tell you what to do once she's in bed because you have to do what you're comfortable with but PROPER controlled crying (i.e consistent return/crying periods) can work well at this age. But if you take this approach you cannot mess around or give in as it sends the wrong message.

I agree with Unwind, she should be in bed before you get home from work, or even once your DP has gone to work. As she hasn't seen you all day she's probably acting up to get the attention she wants

Hey, thanks for the replies, sorry i haven't being on in a while, being a hectic time with Christmas coming up oh why don't they cancel it

Well unwind she is now out of her cot, in a bed - the whole routine has stayed the same. Also me and my partner are now on leave from work now so she has got us both; yet routine and the hassle is still all there.

orissiah Usually the routine is that she has her dinner at around 5 o'clock give or take half an hour. She is in the bath at around 6 to half six and after bath we try to get her to relax - eg reading to her with a blanket on our knee, warm milk and soft music. Basically she lets herself relax and when she feels herself going to sleep she then starts to fight it. Also when we start to put her to bed it becomes a game - up down up down up down. But i really feel we have tried everything

Really am at the end of our tether and i am too tired as i write this to make any proper sense i feel.

lovelymama With the tough love thing - it is only me that enforces it which is where my routine differs from DP's. He will give in after ten minutes and i will after up to an hour. Basically, this is due to our differing upbringings, he feels that crying herself to sleep isn't good for her health e/g feelings of neglect, when i explain to him sometimes Kids need to cry it out and if the cry isn't pained etc. then she is fine.
But seeing as she is his daughter it is done his way when it comes to things like this.

Im still at a loss :(