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Original poster

2.5 year old toddler, delaying tactics

22 replies

yingers74 · 26/09/2005 21:19

My dd is normally a good sleeper but has now developed delaying tactics, sitting up in bed, wanting a drink of water, a blanket, no blanket etc etc. She has just now fallen asleep. I have tried negotiating but tonight have been so frustrated with her that in the end, left her to cry it out which I don't like to do but am heavily pregnant so patience is not there at the moment. Anyone got any ideas? She is also resisting daytime naps although once in the bed, goes to sleep.

OP posts:

starlover · 26/09/2005 21:20

take her to bed with a beaker of water. put an extra blanket on the bed which she can take off if she is hot

pre-empt EVERYTHING!

muppet73 · 26/09/2005 21:22

Bit of a naive suggestion probably as my lo not yet a toddler but what about taking her to bed earlier so the delaying tctics actually just take her up to the time that you actually want her to go to sleep

muppet73 · 26/09/2005 21:23

Ok just read that back and it sounded better in my head

Sorry

Original poster

yingers74 · 26/09/2005 21:32

Can't take her up earlier as she would not be tired and also would throw her whole routine out of sync which I am terrified could make things worse. The awful thing about this age is that they just make it up as they go along - my leg hurts, I need to sleep this way, I need to sit, I need to stand - SCREAM!

Tah for advice, am hoping that this phase will pass. My DH thinks we should just use controlled crying and not give into any of her demands. Am sure he is right but it is much harder when they can negotiate, I say no and she says that is not very nice mummy and starts to cry!!!!!

OP posts:

starlover · 26/09/2005 21:35

i think your dh is probably on the right track, although it doesn't have to be controlled crying

you could try a star chart and she gets a reward for every 5 nights of going to bed well

i think that if you know her leg doesn't really hurt, or she doesn't actually need to stand up you just need to say no, it's bedtime and tuck her in and leave

she knows that by saying you're not a nice mummy and crying she gets your attention again so you need to stop giving it.
i know it is hard though, and easier said than done!

Original poster

yingers74 · 26/09/2005 21:39

tah sl, I guess what is most difficult is that until very recently she was a great sleeper, no fuss. Am not sure whether it is partly connected to the whole new baby arriving soon scenario! One plus point is that being this big i was not getting much sleep anyway!

Wish me luck ladies, will try reward chart.

OP posts:

bandbsmum · 26/09/2005 21:40

I used star charts for ds when he was 2.5 (he's 5 now and sleeps brilliantly). Star charts worked a treat. Used to say if he got into bed and went straight to sleep and didn't wake up in the night then he could have a star in the morning, once he'd had 7 stars in a row he was allowed a treat, just something little like a magazine. HTH.

starlover · 26/09/2005 21:40

ahh yes well they have a habit of getting into a niec routine and then turning round and changing it all!
good luck with the reward chart... hope it works!

madmarchhare · 26/09/2005 21:40

I wouldnt pander to any of the requests. Bedtime is bedtime, she'll soon get the idea, your DH is right. You need to get this sorted before baby arrives.

Orinoco · 26/09/2005 21:55

Message withdrawn

suss · 27/09/2005 13:28

shut the door and walk away, and be consistent. She knows what she is doing and has now worked out that it works - never underestimate children. You want to get her back to sleeping well before the next one arrives. Also she may not need an afternoon nap now but an earlier bedtime - say half an hour.

RayMacCooney · 27/09/2005 13:53

Mine is also doing exactly this- and at exactly the same age. Also requests for -'one last kiss' 'one last story/song/etc'.

I have been putting her down half an hour earlier than i used to when she had her nap, and feeling slightly guilty about it, but she does need it and is very tired.

JiminyCricket · 27/09/2005 14:29

I've just started being much more firm and matter of fact with my 2 yo dd - for instance if she wants me to warm her milk up more 'no, its fine' complains again, I ignore and divert her attention, asks again 'no, its fine' etc. Basically she soon stops asking because she knows I mean what I say iyswim. At bedtime after making sure your dd is comfortable and warm [you know what she needs in terms of blankets etc at least as well as she does] I would just firmly say 'time to sleep now' give her a kiss and leave. Then if you need to go in again [personally i don't think there's much harm in letting her cry it out tbh, as this is part of the learning that you mean it.] I would just go in and say 'time for sleep now' again and don't engage in any negotiation or cuddles etc. My dd has got the message and still sometimes asks but she knows I won't take her downstairs/endlessly reheat her milk/read another story and I think she prefers it this way - she only gets ratty if she's overtired. Sorry if this is just what others have said and hope you get it sorted. Good luck with the pregnancy.

Original poster

yingers74 · 27/09/2005 17:40

tah for advice, dh is putting her down tonight so fingers crossed it will be fine. Next two nights am alone with her so will definitely aim to be more firm if she starts demanding things and will be prepared to let her cry it out if necessary, am just too tired for anything else!

Good luck to all others in the same boat

OP posts:

RayMacCooney · 27/09/2005 18:31

well my dd has just gone down and is fine, i did specify in advance ho many stories/kisses and we counted them out

Mojomummy · 27/09/2005 18:44

DD (27mths) goes to bed about 7:30, although it tends to be around 7:45pm. She asks to pull the blind down, the blackout down, turn the light off, the blankey, whatever toy she hasn't got, a dummy -

Fortunately all these things are close by. I always give into the cuddle & if there is a final request, I insist she lays down with the light off, whilst I go & find it (usually a request for ref the dummy.

Then I shut the door, bracing myself & she yells MUMmmmmmmmy then falls to sleep . I breathe sigh of relief !

I didn't actually realise these where conscious delaying actions - doh !

How long does your little one cry for ?
Agree with other suggestions that she just cries it out - it's not like anything is wrong, other than going to bed (which we all hated)

hermykne · 27/09/2005 20:25

yingers my dd the same and also resisting day nap thus leaving her wrecked by 6pm and come 8 she starts all the same tactics as your lo
roaring tonight and i am just ignoring her
but this thread has some helpful advice

did you seethe idea for the rescue remedy on marnes thread ?
one drop before sleep

Original poster

yingers74 · 28/09/2005 13:58

well she was fine last night. She told dh to take blanket out of the room and he told her he would but if she was naughty he would bring it back! This worked and did not hear a sound from her!

It will probably not work for me tonight but will see!!!

When I leave her to cry it out, it can take between 10-25 mins. If i go in then it can take till 9.30pm so an hour and half!

OP posts:

hermykne · 29/09/2005 08:24

thats great, my dh is away sporadiclly and i have found its me always who has to settle dd becuase she is just use to me.
a nuisance!

philippat · 29/09/2005 08:35

from about that age (now nearly 4), dd has started to need to wind down on her own at the end of the day - has yours started to have a more exciting day?

This started with the whole delaying tactics, now she seems happy enough as long as we leave the light on and let her quietly potter around with her toys in her room for however long it takes (sometimes as long as an hour). Then when she really is ready to sleep, she yells and one of us goes up, kisses her goodnight and turns the light off.

I guess just lying there in the dark without anything to do but not sleepy is very frustrating.

Original poster

yingers74 · 01/10/2005 15:04

so far the blanket threat is working! So have at least had some sleep this last few days!

OP posts:

blossom2 · 01/10/2005 15:23

DD1 did this for about 3 months at the beginning of the year when i was pregnant too - drove me insane. called a sleep specialist in the end.

her advice was to give DD1 more responsibility for her actions, so if she didn't go to sleep, she would not get to (eg) watch a video the next day and keep to your word. It worked a treat. i also had to cut down her nap time to 30 mins max. she now has no nap at all and although its tiring for me during the day, she is out at 7pm for the whole night.

very much like your blanket as a treat idea. hope you get some rest tonight ...

if i dont remember to post later - hope everything goes well with the birth ...

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