Bedtime battles

[SteveSmith]

Hi, this is the first time I've posted here, I'm actually a Dad not a Mum, but I hope that's OK!

We've got a three year old son, and a five month old daughter. The son has always been a pretty good sleeper, and we've had a consistent bedtime routine more or less since birth. Over the last month or so though, bedtime has turned into a pitched battle. He's a little angel all through bathtime, stories, etc, but as soon as we turn out the light, he's up within two minutes saying he wants a wee (despite having just been), then every two minutes for anything up to two hours before he finally falls asleep.

So far we've tried :

• getting him a day / night clock, that shows Buzz Lightyear at night and Woody during the day. He understands that when Buzz is on his clock he needs to stay in bed, but doesn't do it

• punishing him by taking away toys each time he gets up. This just turns into a game, with him suggesting what to confiscate next

• rewarding / bribing him by giving back confiscated toys when he does stay in bed. This has worked once or twice, but once he's having fun getting up, the promise of a reward in the morning means nothing.

• ignoring him, he just wakes up the baby

• picking him up and putting him back in bed, no eye contact, no talking. This just becomes a fun game of chase.

• telling him that it makes Mummy and Daddy very sad when he behaves like that. He understands (or says he does) that he has to stay in bed at night, and that he doesn't want to make us sad, but it doesn't seem to change his behaviour

• putting a stair gate across his door so he can't get out of his room, he just stands there shouting, or kicking the door.

This has got worse and worse, especially over the last week or so, and has now spread to the mornings, when he gets up for a wee some time after 6, which is fine, but then won't get back into bed for more than 2 minutes at a time.

I'm sure we can't be the first parents to face this, so what have other people done that's worked?

Thanks very much,

Steve.

Sorry to not to have helpful advice, but I am in a similar situation with my 3.5 yr old. He used to sleep fantastically but now won't let us leave the room and wakes up through the night. Think he's having bad dreams. We're trying to talk about the dreams in the day and re-train him at night, by sitting in the room in the dark to reassure him, but engaging with him as little as possible. It works, in that he goes to sleep in his own bed and we can leave the room, and it's taking less and less time for him to go to sleep initially, but when he wakes in the night it still takes an hour or two each time and my partner and I are SHATTERED! So think we need to change something... Don't want to leave him crying or owt, and couldn't, he'd just run after me screaming and that's horrid and not conducive to sleep! Help would def be appreciated if others have experienced the same?
Think it's connected to a step-up in his imagination...

I'm no expert with only one baby whose sleep I can't control! But it sounds like it's linked to the arrival of the baby? I'm sure someone will come along with proper advice, but does he feel included with the baby during the day? Could you turn it into a helpful big brother thing to stay in bed?

Sorry I can't speak from experience here but two things strike me:

1. This has started happening since your other DC has turned around 3 months and is perhaps more of a threat now to your older DC

1. In one month or so you've tried alot of different approaches which can be confusing to your DS. Could you stick to one approach (eg rapid return each and every time combined with stickers) for 4 weeks solid and see how that goes?

Also, does he still nap?