What do I do when CC doesn't work?

[melonian]

Am so at the end of my tether now.

DD was refluxy but now better, barely slept if not on me or DH for the first 6m. We have made progress, she now sleeps in her cot, but still wants BF every 3h. She is 13m now, I'm back at work and I can't go on with that level of sleep sadly.

We tried CC at 10m which got her sleeping until about 4am, then she would just cry until we picked her up at 6. So I started feeding her again and she just pushed the feed back until she was feeding twice sometimes 3x.

Now we are 1 week in to CC again. She hasn't really screamed, which is good, just moans and grumbles for 10-20min, then starts to cry. Then we go in and reassure, she quiets straightaway, then often seems to fall asleep for about 10min, then wakes and starts again. This goes on for about 2h then she gets back into a deep sleep. Why hasn't she got the message? How long can we go on doing this for? What else could possibly work if this doesn't?

We have tried NCSS, she can self settle fine after a feed. She doesn't want water at night - just the comfort of snuggly feeds. Has always refused dummy/bottle. She naps well at home and eats really well but is only little, and not walking yet. She is not great during the day - very clingy and high-needs, but I don't know whether this is just her or if she would feel better for a decent night's sleep - all I know is I would.

All suggestions welcome. Don't really need flaming for CC, feel guilty enough as it is and am using it in despair as a last resort.

Poor you is what I say - sounds horrendous if you are having to work as well.

I haven't really done CC but from what I know you need to keep at it, consistently. How long you been doing it for?

If you think it is just the comfort of a feed that she wakes for could you really not bear to wean her off the boob? If you don't want to, my friend's little boy self weaned at 14m if that gives you some hope?

Don't feel bad about the CC, it doesn't sound like your DD is too upset by it and you must be desperate.

Is there someone who would take her for a night as a Christmas present so you and your husband can get some decent rest? It might also break the feeding habit if the only option is a bottle or a drink of water.

Hopefully someone who knows what they're talking about will be along soon, hope things get better for you really soon.

Thanks for your sympathy, I'm very touched. I know that many have it worse than me and feel like I should be able to cope with 2 night feeds, but after 13m I've just had enough.

To be clear, we are doing CC instead of feeding at night. Do you think stopping BF altogether would make a difference? She only has a feed at bedtime and at naptime if I am not working. She goes down sleepy but awake. I would be sad to stop altogether, it's so frustrating as I would do 1 night feed quite happily at 4.00am or thereabouts, I just feel the need for a decent 5hr chunk of sleep. Seems sad to stop feeding completely just for the sake of sleep.

Hmm, it does sound like she just likes to wake up for boob...I am thinking of night weaning my 7mo for the same reason as everything I have read this week suggests she's now old enough to not need more than one night feed (and since she slept from 9pm to 5am for most of her life I'm inclined to agree!).

Is she your "last" baby? I feel a bit sad at the prospect of no more BFing (can't express for toffee so if I night wean that might end up being it when I go back to work next month) but hope to try for another baby next year - I would be very reluctant if I knew she was my only/last baby.
All that aside...If you were on my settee with a cup of tea telling me this I would say - in the grand scheme of things you and your DH need sleep, you and baby obviously love snuggly BFs but they're a luxury at 13m.

What about trying a bedtime BF and then stopping all night feeds? If your milk dries up it dries up, but it might feel more gentle than a conscious cessation of BFing.

If someone had told me during my DD's first three months that I would ever feel sentimental about breastfeeding I would never have believed them, the first 13 weeks were crapola!

I know what you mean about others having it worse too, my sleep woes are a drop in the ocean compared to others but they're still not nice to experience.

Sorry, I meant to say "a pre bedtime BF", not a bedtime one! As in before she gets bath, pjs, story, whatever.

Just adding my sympathies really - after a bad few weeks of sleep here I completely understand the need to try CC. try not to feel too guilty - I know it's not the ideal solution (and I've been feeling terribly guilty about it) but sometimes you have to look at the bigger picture and think of your overall wellbeing as a family.

I failed miserably as a breastfeeder and gave up at 5 and 4 months respectively so I might not be best qualified to comment. I have great admiration for you BF for 13 months but, if you do decide to give up comfort yourself with the fact that she's been very lucky to have over a year of you BF and that you've done really well. Very best of luck whatever you decide.