won't go down in crib....HELP

[KKK747]

Hi - I'm new to this - but desperately need some help. My DS is 3 1/2 months old and won't go to sleep on his own. He has never done this but now also screams when walked around or rocked. If I try to put him in his crib he just cries and cries and no amount of stroking or patting helps. It can take us up to 3 hours to get him to sleep in the evening and I am SO tired, especially since he wakes up every 2 hours during the night. Any suggestions??

sounds like he's getting over tired.

try putting him down half an hour earlier and see if it helps.

alternatively is he having a growth spurt and is hungry?

Sounds like my ds KKK747 - has never (yet) gone to sleep on his own, and is currently going through a phase of 'feeding to sleep', I am ignoring The Baby Whisperer wagging her finger about this.

Main problem we have now is that he's more alert and wants to look at everything, so if you walk up and down he thinks "hello, we're moving, there must be new things to look at, hurrah! Ah, I am still exhausted and now this is making it worse WAAAAAAAA". (Sometimes you just think "why not shut your eyes and keep them closed, it's OBVIOUS").

As SenoraPostrophe says, start early putting him down, not to mention feed him as much as he can handle. We now make sure the room is darkened, no music or other sounds on to distract him, and if necessary joggle him to create the sensation of movement without actually moving him around. For the sake of your own sanity, if the only way he will go to sleep is propped up on you, just do it once in a while in order to get some kip.

OK obvious question but are you sure he's not got wind? Try propping the crib on a bit of a slant - it's not too comfy going to sleep on your back on a full stomach.

Send it back, obviously faulty!!!!!

Could it be colic, coic usually appears the same time every evening and can last for hours.

Also, my DS never slept well in his moses basket, so as soon as I out him in his cot he was like a dream child.

This what we did with the same problem - once we were sure that his windy early babyness had past.
Tackle the evening sleep first - aiming for 7pmish or whenever you want him to start his night's sleep. Get into a 'before bed' routine and stick to it - one breast/half a bottle, massage/playtime in his room, bath, maybe a look at a book then the other half of his feed in his room then put him in his bed. Stay patting/stroking him for as long as it takes him to fall asleep - don't pick him up or rock him so he isn't overstimulated again.
You might be thinking that you've done all this and apologies if you have - just thought I'd share it as it worked for us.
Good luck

thanks everyone - I will try propping up the crib - though I think that the wind / colic stage has passed. I tried putting him down early tonight - turned down lights, put him on his side and stroked his back and sang some out of tune(!) lullabys to him. Seemed to be working until he just suddenly snapped and started wailing. It's as if he doesn't want to go to sleep and is scared of it... I know what you mean - I am also thinking, JUST shut your eyes and let go!!!!! Have left him currently with DH as am already dreading the night in front of me.....

kkk - do remember that there is nothing wrong with cuddling or rocking him to sleep. he will obviously, at some point, have to learn to do it on his own, but it doesn't have to be now.

KKK, do you have him swaddled? What you describe sounds like my ds, he startles and then wakes himself up again and starts bellowing (sorry about that neighbours). Swaddling makes a MASSIVE difference. So far we do it when he's already asleep as he dislikes it on general principle but will accept it when he's very sleepy. This way he can't flail his arms around and disturb himself again.

Also, haven't tried this yet, but some people swear by white noise, like a fan or a special white noise generator, and one friend of mine had one of these fellas and swore by it. (I think it was a bear, I thought it was a lion but maybe that was just the name of the company!)

Hi SenoraPostrophe - I don't mind cuddling him to bed - but it just doesn't seem to work anymore - he seems to know I am trying to get him to sleep.... and doesn't want to. Also I can't cuddle him and walk with him every 2 hours through the night - as it exhausts me. By the time he sleeps on his own - I may have been sectioned!! So each time he wakes I end up BFing him to sleep, which I think is wrong, as he can't possibly be hungry so soon...

Tribpot - haven't tried swaddling but will definitely give it a go tomorrow night - can I just use a cotton sheet? I've tried white noise - unfortunately didn't seem to work for my ds...

Could it be the crib? My dd had a large moses basket and hated it. So I put her in the pram, a traditional sort of carry cot one,. It made a world of difference.

I was wondering if it was the crib actually - I am sure he looks through the bars and feels like I have imprisoned him. We have a lie flat car seat - I might try him in there one night - as slept very well in there on holiday - it would be a temp solution though as he has nearly grown out of it....

KKK, have a look there's a recent thread about bfing to sleep, in which mears herself happily admitted it to doing it with all her kids. I say: do it. Babies don't only bf for food, they also do it for comfort - ds is the same with the bottle in fact. In the night, it's a survival game quite frankly. Your ds isn't going to be helped if you get sectioned, is he? (I know what you mean, book me a bed next to yours in the lunatic asylum).

We use a cellular blanket as we don't dress ds very warmly for bed (or indeed at any other time). He's a very hot baby, and in any case co-sleeps with dh at night (see comment above about doing whatever it takes to get a bit of kip). But a sheet will be fine. Just make sure to wrap him tightly, I tend not to do it tightly enough and ds escapes fairly quickly, then wakes himself up and complains about it. You can buy a 'Miracle Blanket' that makes swaddling easier but they say you can only use it til 14 weeks, so no use to us.

Hope this helps, I have all fingers crossed for swaddling for you. Dh has done it a few times and let ds suck on his finger for a while after to soothe him down. When we first started doing it at night, ds would wake up and lie there quite still, looking around as if to say "right, what is THIS all about?" but dropped off to sleep on his own. Now he doesn't really stir when we do it.

Ooh, x-posted, my ds sleeps better in his car seat (not generally in the totally flat mode - a Matrix I assume? - because of his reflux). I think because he feels more enclosed in it, he settles better than in the cot. But he hated his moses basket too, obviously not quite enclosed enough without swaddling.