Failed 1st attempt at CC and now DD hates cot!

[rubyGsmum]

Hi All

My DD is 12 months old and the victim of what the baby whisperer calls "Accidental Parenting" or what I call, "anything-to-get-a-bit-of-shut-eye parenting". Until now I've been letting her fall asleep on the bottle and then putting her in her cot where she would sleep and wake sometime in the early hours when, I'm ashamed to say, I'd take her in with us and she'd settle back down fairly quickly, (only to keep us on the brink of sleep for the rest of the night with all the rustling around and huffing and puffing they do in their sleep). She's never been a good daytime napper, often only having a couple of half hour "power naps", so we resorted to cuddling her to sleep in the day and holding her until she woke to get her to sleep a bit longer, (and yes - no housework gets done).

I'm obviously keen to solve the sleep problem and to do away with the night time bottle, now that she's 1, and was all set to try controlled crying two nights ago. I lasted all of an hour and then I caved in as DD was so distressed she made herself sick. I then resolved to leave it a few nights and try another method but last night when I tried to put her in her cot asleep she seemed to sense it and woke up screaming each time and now anytime I put her near her cot, she screams and gets really upset. I know it's all my own doing as she's been getting all kinds of mixed messages through this whole catalogue of errors.

My intention was to start PU/PD method tonight as I have a week off work, (booked primarily to try to do sleep training)and she's currently healthy with no obvious teething signs, but I'm wondering about how wise this is, given that she now detests her cot with a passion.

Has anyone else out there had a similar problem or is there any advice you could offer this hopeless first time mother?

Sorry, no advice. Too long ago! But bump for you.

I'd leave it for a week or two, go back to what you were doing, just so that she 'relaxes' about it again.

Then choose which method you're going to use, and - as hard as it will be, stick with it. I don't think it matter which method you use, it's going to be difficult, but it's really important for her that you stick to it (a bottle of wine can help tremendosly ).

Try and put her inthe cot in the daytime, not to sleep, but to play with her toys. Hopefully she will associate the cot with nice feelings as well as not so nice. I think I read this in the Baby Whisperer book. A very similar story to yours.

The Baby Whisperer sensed the baby was afraid of the cot so asked the Mum to put her toys in it with her. I think the baby whisperer also climbed in to the cot (she must be very small) with baby to also help baby feel better about the cot.

Cheers to you both

I kind of suspected that the best thing to do was to go back to normal until I'm sure it's time to start again - it would be the kindest thing for DD. I've started today to build up her confidence in her cot again by spending time in her room with the sun beating in and playing with her while she's in the cot and trying to take the "bogey man" feel away from it. I'm also going to try her in her grobag again now that the weather is cooling, to see if that will make her more settled generally in the night.

Might just have the bottle of wine tonight if I do get her down in her cot by the usual method, as a sort of practice run

PS: Cheers for the bump Nevada!

I agree.

In the meantime though, can you give her the bottle in her cot, without looking at her? well, maybe you do that already, but if not, it can take away part of the motivation for waking. The idea is then that you gradually dilute the bottle until she just gets water.

Hi Senorapostrophe

The night time bottle I want to eliminate is actually the one she has before she goes to sleep, (sorry - I wasn't very clear in my original message). Thankfully she hasn't needed a bottle during the night for some time and the night waking occurs because she's looking for us to cuddle, (since she's so used to having us around when she's sleeping, especially during daytime naps - rod..... our own..... backs.... etc.) That would have made sense though, since I guess we need to be sure that we don't interact at all, other than basic comforting in the night to make it less worth her while waking up.

I've tried putting in a muslin square that I've carried on my person, (which wasn't all that helpful since that idea works best for those who bf) and unfortunately she hasn't formed any special attachment to any cuddly toys or other transitional objects, (other than us) that we could put in her cot to help her self-soothe. She does use a dummy but when I go in to her in the night it's firmly planted in her mouth and she's standing up in her cot and reaching out to me. As soon as I pick her up her little head is on my shoulder and she's starting to nod off again. I've also tried putting her back down and pat/shushing but on the rare occasions that works, she's back up again about an hour later.

I know I'm going to have to take the bull by the horns when things have settled, and the situation that followed my caving in has persuaded me that I need to be firm with myself next time, whatever method I go with. She needs to be able to settle herself to sleep without us beside her. We owe it to her really, as well as to ourselves.

Thanks for your input!

I don't think you should be so hard on yourself. Why are you ashamed? We all do what we have to do to get by - parenting is hard especially when combined with lack of sleep.

Nothing to add to excellent previous suggestions, just wanted to say don't beat yourself up about this!

Thanks for your kind words Edam - it's much appreciated. I guess since our little darlings don't come with an instruction manual, we do have to feel our way a lot of the time (and sometimes we might take the odd shortcut), although at the end of the day, she is a happy little soul the rest of the time, so we must be doing something right! This site has been a godsend though, not just for the sound advice provided but also from being able to see that we're not alone.

I'm happy to report that we did manage to get back to our previous routine tonight and she's still fast asleep in her cot and in her grobag. I'll leave it now for a while and tackle the sleep issue when the dust has settled.

Thanks again to all who responded thus far.