Controlled crying - naps for 3 month old

[burps]

My DD who is nearly 3 months has consistently being going down well at night for about 2 month now (touch wood), and that is us putting her down awake. But naps has been different in that she has been very very reluctant to sleep in her own bed and has forced me to pound the pavements several times a day for nearly 3 months.

I sought the assistance of a maternity nurse who suggested a routine which I have been following for nearly a week and I have seen some real real progress. She is taking several naps in her own bed now, without too much complaining. But sometimes she won't. This nurse has now suggested controlled crying to get her to consistently nap in her own bed.

I have no intentions of doing this as to me it seems a bit of an extreme reaction for a 3 month old baby who is settling into a new routine. I totally understand why people do it, but I don't feel it is appropriate in this situation?

What really bothered me too was that she said we would have to do the controlled crying at night if she would not settle. Sometimes she will not settle immediately, but a quick tummy rub or top up of milk does it. Why use controlled crying!

Is it just me, or did the suggestion of controlling crying in this situation seem a bit harsh?!

I think that CC does have its place. But 3 months is waaaayyyyy too little. So pleased you are not going to thake the advice of this woman.

Its harsh. In fact it is ridiculous.

My DS is 3 months and I wouldn't dream of leaving him to cry himself to sleep. Whats the point? I hate listening to crying, he doesn't exactly enjoy doing it - I'd rather comfort him and help him get to sleep.

But I don't rate maternity nurses tbh. Everything I see about them suggests that they view babies as an noisy inconvenience to be managed and trained.

We used CC when DS was 6mo (which I was comfortable with but I know a lot of people will theink this is too little) to try to get him to nap in his cot. It worked really well with getting him to go to bed in the evening a lot better but had no luck with the naps. I gave up after 3 days.

I have read that CC doesn't really work for naps as daytime sleep and nighttime sleep are completely different things. Can't remember where I got that from though ...

Yes, good point about CC and naps. Everything I have read indicates that it does not work for nap time.

I was advised by a maternity nurse to do cc on my ds at 10 weeks. I wonder if it's the same lady you spoke to? I was shocked tbh. It really put me off using her.

3 months is asking a lot of naps TBH. There's be so many growth spurts and developmental leaps to mess with sleep, you'll be lucky to get into a decent routine. So many babies settle then naps go mental.

DS didn't nap consistently in his cot until 9 months.

When he was tiny - up to 6 months, I used a sling for most naps. You can still do stuff at home and sit down when they're asleep in their sling.

What sort of sling, Iggly? My DS hates the structured-front-dangling one and shouts at me when I try and get him into a wrap sling.

CountBapula - up in Scotland? I thought it was a pretty extreme suggestion!

I had a baby bjorn and close to me fabric sling. Bizarrely DS used to sometimes kick off if DH put him in but was usually fine with me. You have to check the legs etc to make sure theres no pinching. He used to shout if he was tired but after five/ten minutes in fresh air he'd fall asleep!

Also he used to sleep in his Moses basket in the day if he was in a room with a bit of background noise and the window open (he'd be well wrapped up). Never in his cot alone!!

Burps - no, she was in north London so must be a different lady. She seemed nice enough but I couldn't even contemplate it. 10 weeks!!

Cheers iggly, might try again once snow's melted!

Good luck! It's so easy for me to say but I wish I hadn't stressed so much about naps. DS is 13 months now but I couldn't really get him in his cot like a "textbook" baby until he was around 8 months.

I'm beginning to wonder whether the people who recommend letting your baby cry actually mean the sort of tired grizzling that is often a precursor to sleep, rather than full on screaming. The other evening at my bedtime DS (4 months) was still awake about half an hour after I'd fed him, and I heard him grizzling. I went into the bedroom a couple of times to reassure him while I got myself organised to come to bed - and by the time I did he had grizzled himself to sleep. I think next time I hear him doing that I will wait a bit longer before picking him up, feeding him again or whatever just to see if he'll go off to sleep of his own accord. Obviously I wouldn't do that if he was full on crying. I wouldn't describe that as controlled crying but I wonder if it is what the older generation mean when they have asked me what happens if I leave him to cry!

No doubt, Woodlands - though my DS never grizzles, grumbles or whimpers. He has a nice line in full-throated screaming though

That's another reason I wouldn't do CC - it probably wouldn't work on such a screamy baby. Not that I have anything against people doing it at an appropriate age.

Woodlands Afraid not. I am happy to leave a little bit of tired grizzling and this woman knows that. She was talking about full on controlled crying when the baby is bawling and crying their eyes and heart out. Not good

I read with interest the above posts and felt like as a maternity nurse I should put in my thoughts. I am sure the maternity nurse did not mean let your baby cry for hours on end and to always check first if the baby is in pain/hungry etc.
However after spending years as a maternity nurse to babies more often than not twins cc does have it's place. Some babies will go into their cot and stare at something until they fall asleep however some babies will cry for a few minutes not because your been a bad mum and leaving them there but because they are tired and at this age can't do anything else but cry, much the same way a toddler will whine or have a temper tantrum when they are tired. I must say I find a few days of controlled crying helps enormously at getting the baby to understand that once they are in bed it is sleep time and that is that and very quickly with a good routine in place they will be falling asleep before they even get to their cot. I have worked incredibly successfully with mums worldwide at sleep routines etc and believe you have to get to know the baby and it's different cries and ways first and then can put into place an appropriate plan. It is not a case of thinking babies are an inconvinience to be managed and controlled it is simply a case of looking after mum first. If mum is exhausted and stressed out believe me baby picks up on this. Countless times I have walked into a house with a screaming baby only to pick him up and for him to immediateley stop crying...not because i am better than mum but because I am relaxed, well rested and happy and baby senses this and reacts to it appropriately. Whilst in an ideal world it would be great to be able to constantly meet our babies demands in reality you cannot do this 24/7 without becoming exhausted therefore baby has to and is very capable of learning that nighttime is for sleeping. More often than not the babies I work with from 6 weeks old sleep 6 hours at night solid, feed 3-4 hourly and have 2 good naps a day without any stress or crying. A baby will often cry because they are tired.

I tend to do bath, story, feed, swaddle, bed from day one (yes even a story from day one as it all helps teach the baby hpw to go to bed, just like we might have a bedtime routine, take make up off, bath, teeth brush, read, bed for example babies thrive on this too and it makes it so much easier when they get older as they are so used to this routine.
Try it I promise you won't be disapointed :)
Take Care all :)

MultiplesMaternityNurse I actually find your post quite disingenuous, of course a maternity nurse knows the difference between leaving a baby to grizzle for a few minutes and controlled crying. Controlled crying is completely inappropriate for a baby of three months. And of course most babies stop crying after a few nights of controlled crying, they learn that there is no point! This is learned helplessness. Richard Ferber who invented controlled crying, i think, has since changed his advice and stated that it is not appropriate before a year. Whilst I agree that it's important to start a routine as early as possible to GENTLY encourage your baby to sleep I disagree that most babies are capable of sleeping 6 hours at night from 6 weeks. Young babies cry to communicate their needs to you, sometimes they just need a cuddle and to be close to you.
I say this as a former nanny and maternity nanny who has studied psychology specialising in child development to degree level.