Ds fights sleep like mad. HELP!!!!!!!

[rainbow]

I have 3 DS's. DS1 is 8 1/2 and has never been a problem. From a tiny baby I have been able to put him down in his cot and he would go to sleep by himself, no crying. DS2 is a different kettle of fish! He is 31 months old and used to go to bed no problem. As with DS1, I used to put him in his cot and he would go to sleep without any fuss providing he had his dummy. Then I moved him into DS1's bedroom and into a bed as DS3 (now 10 months) was on the way. His bedtime is 7pm and after his bath and story we settle down in his bed. Some nights I am still laying with him him at 11.30-12.00 at night and he is still fighting sleep and refusing his dummy as he knows he will go to sleep if he takes it. If I don't stay with him he will not stay in his bed. This is begining to disturb DS1 and he is tired for school. Also DS2 gets up in the middle of the night and we can start the whole procedure again. Combine this with DS3 who is woken up by DS2 and I am lucky to see the back of my eyelids for 1-2 hous a night. DH is no good during the night as he sleeps like a log and nothing will wake him. It's been just under a year and I have been hoping it would improve but it doesn't. I have tried not letting him sleep during the day but he flakes out at 4pm. I have tried cutting his sleep down to 1/2 hour but this means he is up til 10pm. I have tried not letting him sleep after midday, but it is quite hard getting him to sleeep that early in the day. He is the same at meal times. Now he is too big for his high chair, I have trouble getting him to sit down to eat. We don't have tantrums just a point blank no. He is stubborn. Please, please, please, please help!!!

Please help!!

Rainbow my ds who is 2 and a half was the same as your ds.
All I can suggest is to cut out daytime naps and get into a bedtime routine.Also keep him very active so he gets tired out but only of an afternoon-early evening.If he gets too active in the morning he will want an afternoon nap.Hard to do I know but that is how we get our ds to sleep around 9pm.
Sorry I cant suggest anymore

if he starts to drop off in the afternoon suggest an activity or dump him in tha bath. works wonder for me, dd1 is almost always asleep by 8pm now i've cut out afternoon naps, (she used to be able to keep going to midnight otherwise)

He is always very active. My Dad has nicknamed him the 2 legged tornado. I will defintely try to reduce morning activity tho. The bath sounds like a good idea 2 to keep him awake.

could you do some sort of bribery thing? say if he goes to sleep like a good boy with no fussing etc in the morning the 'sleep fairy' will have brought him a pressie. then you could place a little something small (like a biscuit) outside his door for the morning?

Message withdrawn

What age did he go into a bed? Maybe he still wants his cot.
My dd is 21mths and a week ago climbed out of her cot in temper and bruised her head so next day we rushed to mothercare and brought bed but broken nights followed every night after, I then read that mostly childern learn that if they hurt themselves they won't climb out again.
We then put her back in cot with bed mattress by side to prevent injury, but she hasn't climbed out again! Full nights sleep re-commenced! Although we have had to tough out a few nights of letting her cry herself to sleep.
A cot bed may seem like an expensive idea but if you get sleep then its worth it. Otherwise I'd agree with bloss and let him cry to sleep on floor, we did that too when we tried a bed on my mums advice and it did work but middle night waking took it's toll, thus back to the cot, but your ds may stop sooner and just go back to bed in end.good luck.

As my ds in only three months, I have no experience of this. I was, however, reading in one of my baby magazines about a mum who had a similar problem to you, Rainbow. What the "expert" suggested was to put a stairgate in the child's bedroom doorway. I thought this seemed a bit harsh, especially when the mum reported having to try to ignore her sobbing child hanging on to the bars in an attempt to get out so he could get to her room. However, from what I remember, it did work in quite a short space of time - something to do with the stairgate giving the impression that the bedroom was like a giant cot, therefore feeling more familiar to the child. There is the issue of CC though, and as Bloss says, you just have to grit your teeth and go for it. Alternatively, similar to Percy's suggestion, what about a merit chart - say a star for each "good" night followed by a treat at the end of the week?

Give him tea at 4 pm - it perks them up for the last 2 hrs.

think Bloss has got a point. If he's ignoring his dummy knowing it will make him fall asleep then he's fighting the urge to go to sleep not the he's not tired.
I follow a rigid bedtime routine with both mine- DD1 no problems with ever but DD2 a different kettle of fish ( she's 30 months). With DD2 i still have problems if her routine goes out of the window!!

Good luck

Agree with Bloss. You can't go on like this, you'll make yourself ill. I am resolved not to let ds out of his cot until his physically too big for it. Ikea cots are less than £25 so well worth buying another one for another baby IMO. Anyway, do think you have to grit your teeth on this one and stop the lying down with him. It clearly isn't helping him go to sleep, which he needs just as much as a healthy diet or exercise. What time does he wake in the morning? Do you let him sleep at 4pm?

Rainbow,

Huge sympathy - been there, done that. DS1 didn't sleep through the night until he was three. I had to sit with him (or lie down with him) til he dropped off, then I would creep out, and between 10 -1 he would wake again and I would go in his bed with him. I had tried CC when he was younger but just didn't have the strength to do it (in my defence, I was suffering from severe PND and just getting through the day was an effort).

When he was three I had a kind of revelation and thought "NO..I cannot go on like this." I got very tough - left him to cry, had a star chart/reward scheme when he did settle down by himself, and - most important - when he woke in the night I would not get in bed with him, no matter how exhausted I was. At three I could reason with him - I would say "no, you're a big boy now and Mummy needs to sleep in her own bed, and you need to sleep in yours." It was hard, but it worked. We had subsequent "hiccups", like when we moved house when he was 4, and I just had to shut him in his room and leave him to cry - but, touch wood, he's a good sleeper now.

With DS2 I was tougher from the outset - CC from 8 months, and since 12 months he has slept through virtually every night. It has made this experience of parenting a much more positive one - you can cope so much better if you've had an unbroken night's sleep. With DS1 I was literally like a zombie much of the time - I don't know how I did it.

As others have suggested - can you put the eldest and the youngest in another room, even temporarily? You really just have to grit your teeth and go for it - stick to a rigid bedtime routine and you definitely need some way of keeping him in his room, we had a stairgate.

I do know how hard it is, believe me (and as the proud owner of a DH who never - NOT ONCE - got up in the night with our eldest, I can sympathise with that too). Good Luck.

Phew Rainbow, don't know if I can help, but i do sympathise. I went through a little of this, but in the end realised that ds was staying awake BECAUSE of my presence next to him. He's been in a bed since 20 months (he always battled against his cot, never slept through the night, fought bedtime and sleep like crazy and finally skydived out of it), and I was very anxious about how I'd ever get him to stay in a bed. Initially, we got into your pattern, but after a couple of weeks when my evenings had completely vanished, I was overcome by a determination to watch a particular tv programme, and just left him in his bed. I'm not a CC fan, and knew that with my ds's capacity for battle and stubbornness I didn't want to lock him in and set up a fight. Each time I heard him potter out on to the landing, I just calmly went up and put him kindly but firmly back in. I have to admit that this did go on for a bit, some nights I used to say "I'm just going to the toilet" or some other temporary errand that he understands so that he wouldn't make a fuss and fight when I went out of the room. Then I'd pop back after a while to do some very minor thing like put his socks on the drawers and pop out again. Eventually when he realised that Mum was no longer on hand as potential entertainment, he finally just stayed there. Now, although he likes me to lie down for a few moments, if he's really tired he will say "go away mummy, I'm fast asleep" or "be quiet Mummy". And he's much better than he ever was in his cot, because he feels in control, I think. I have built lots of points into the routine where he takes an active part in the countdown to bed: he helps close the curtains, he hops out and turns off his star-light, for eg. He started sleeping through, and staying in his bed all night at that point. Good Luck: I agree with the people who have identified it as a skill issue, and I think we all have to find an approach that suits our own way of managing things - and our own child's personality. Keep the 'net posted as to how you get on, I'd be really interested to hear.