Help - my 3 yr old doesn't sleep through the night !!

[loulounz]

My 3 yr old dd has never been a great sleeper, but just began sleeping through the night before my dh decided to up and leave! Ever since then she wakes at least once every night and sometimes can be every half hour through the night - I'm exhausted. She usually wakes to go to the toilet, because her toys have fallen out of bed or are not in the right place, she wants her covers on or off, wants the door open or shut, wants a cuddle etc. etc. the list is endless.

She has begun having night terrors too, usually once/twice a week, which is horrendous to witness. I think she is really insecure as well, as she flatly refused to go back to bed the other night when she woke up, wanted to come into bed with me, I refused and she SCREAMED for an hour. I had to man handle her back to bed several times and just let her scream. I'm at my wits end.

I really don't want her to come into my bed as I know she will try this on every night. I have had her in my bed a couple of times in the past and I get no sleep whatsoever because she is so fidgety, wont sleep without dangling herself all over me etc. - just not good for either of us.

Is this usual for a child of her age or do you think it is because of the situation? Didn't know whether the timing was just a coincidence?

Listened to Tanya Byron? talk on radio the other day and she said to not talk to the child - have tried this, but doesn't seem to have made much difference. I don't feel that I can ignore her every time I go in though because I ask if she needs to go to the toilet - otherwise she usually stays in bed and sometimes wets it.

Anyone got any advice?

Am I the only one with an older child that doesn't sleep through?

Anyone?

Have simiar type issues with 2.5 year old. Saw Supernanny the other night - she also said siilar to Tanya Byron: do not go to your child but make her come to you; first time say 'it's bedtime darling' and lead to bed, second time say 'bedtime' and lead to bed and third and more say nothing and lead to bed. She says you should not engage in conversation. I agree with you though that child might genuinely be ill or thirsty so I would tend to ask what the matter is before starting. On a more extreme level, I think a hard heart (ignoring the cries), a stair gate on the child' door and earplugs might help. It is in the parents' and child' interest that both sleep. Is this harsh?

I've had so many problems with this over the years. Definitely don't let your dd come into bed with you.
Tbh, I think you should prepare yourself for a few rough nights but once you crack it, then it will keep working.
I found the best thing with my two was to make an achievement chart as an incentive for them to stay in bed all night long (could be stickers, something moving up a ladder - whatever your imagination can manage).
Your dd will kick up a fuss to try and get what she wants which is to be in your bed. You have to be really, really firm and ignore all the screaming and just keep taking them back to bed.
My ds used to have night terrors and they do pass. I found the best thing was not to try and wake him but just talk reassuringly, telling him everything was ok, mummy was here and he could go back to sleep.
My dd (3.5) is the night time wanderer and loves coming in to bed with me. If I weaken once she will be in again the following night. So no matter how disinclined I feel, I always take her back and she trys it less and less these days. My dd occasionally wets the bed, but I have a pampers bed sheet under a cot sheet all of which is on top of her normal sheet. If she does have an accident, I whip of pj bottoms, the cot sheet & pampers bed sheet & in less than two mins she is asleep again & I'm back in my bed.
Hope some of that helps.

no advice sorry but yes, my ds doesn't sleep through either. He used to be a bit better but then he got sick, we moved, lots of stressful things happened, and now he ends up in our bed every night sometime between midnight and 5am. I'm no help because I just let him get in, he doesn't even wake me up til early morning, so it's not too much of a problem
I read somewhere that aroudn 30% of kids that age actually do behave a bit like that at night - it's just the parents are too embarrassed to admit it.
Just to let you know you're not alone!

No advice sorry. My dd 2.8 has never been a breat sleeper. She now wakes anything from 2 to 5 times per night for juice. We've had her checked for diabeties so I'm sure it's just habit and a deep-love for Blackcurrant juice.

Spoke to Health Visitor who said that I had 2 choices: 1) live with it and hope it passes 2) tackle it which will mean a few (at least)rough nights.

Sadly, I've gone for option 1 - mainly because I and dh have to get up for work

I've tried the water instead of juice trick - which failed most miserably!

This juice problem, also has another horrible side-effect.... loads of wee! Pampers bedsheets are a wonder!

loulounz no advice sorry, just letting you know your not alone, my ds has never slept through the night, talked to hv but she was useless.

TrulyScrumptious, I'm sorry but you have got to stop her having blackcurrant juice all night! Her teeth will be ruined. Give her water or nothing and stand firm. She will create for a while but it won't last forever. I think you could crack this over a weekend. Just leave a sports bottle of water by her bed and keep taking her back.

my daughter wakes most nights every 3 hours has a juice then resettles or moans and groans until i either go into her and resettle her again or she falls asleep on her own?? use to think it was her teeth and gave her calpol everynight but have stopped now am going to try a night light to see if any help your not alone honey my daughter sometimes comes into us as husband and i both work full time and i give in then we both dont sleep cause she fidgets all night x x

Loulounz, how are you getting on chuck?

I know what you mean Aloha, I was worried about her teeth but we've taken her to the dentist a couple of times to make sure her teeth are ok and the dentists says they are absolutely fine and very strong!

We do use sugar free juice and we dilute it loads. I am worried about all the artificial sweetners and stuff in sugar-free juice. Anyone know much about it?

I'm not mad on them personally, but better than rotten teeth I suppose! Seriously though, I do think you could crack this in a very few nights. But I know what an appallinig thought it is, esp if you are already worn down by lack of sleep. My dd of seven months is waking pretty often herself atm but I cannot face any crying at all.

Aloha,

It's hard because my dh works shifts - 2pm until 10pm Mon-Wed and 6am until 2pm Thurs and Friday. I do full days Mon, Tues and Thursday in London. We are both quite tired most of the time as it is and the thought of a couple of really rough nights sends us both into a hot sweat!

Blackcurrant Juice is her absolute favourite and I think the main problem, so as a starting point I have started giving her only diluted fresh orange juice and telling her the shop's run out of Blackcurrant. This has had an immediate effect of reducing the amount she's drinking (day and night) because she just doesn't like it as much.

My next job is to gradually dilute it more and more until it's bascially just water.

This has really got me thinking about sugar-free and artifical sweetners. My daughter has always been a bit highly strung - I wonder whether there is any connection? We'll soon see!

Oh hello fellow sufferers!
last night i was up about 9 times, every half hour or so, im buggered.
He comes to me, i take him back, do all that supernanny advocates, "back to bed", then "bed" then nothing.
He goes back then 20 mins later, he apears again. Doesnt cry, doesnt make a fuss, goes to bed no probs but wont stay there.
We have never had him in bed with us.
He is 2 so a bit young for sticker charts yet i think.
He has slept through the night only a handful of times since birth.
It makes no difference how long he has to nap in the day, or if he doesnt have a nap at all...its the same every night.
Im going to ask dh to put the stair gate on his room door this weekend.
But then i worry that he will be cold and need wrapping up...thick PJ's i think too.
Good luck every one, its a tough one.

We're going through this too with my 2.3 yo. We haven't been consistent enough with any one plan once we've said goodnight. I want to do the supernanny stuff, but dh wants to follow the softly softly approach. Unfortunately he's not the one that gets up in the middle of the night so part of me feels he has no say in it until he does!! But I do think we should get on the same page for putting him down.

The biggest problem I have with ds (in the middle of the night) is once he's gotten up upset he then wants me to come and wipe his face - 'wipe face mummy wipe face!). How I can get him to do this himself? He still wears a nappy at night and has a cup of water next to his bed so this and pulling up his covers for him are the two things I can't seem to pre-empt.... ARRRGHH

PS. Second baby due in 5 wks so a little wired at the moment.. I NEED MORE SLEEP!