Worst night ever, just need to vent

[Zoidberg]

Sorry for this, need to get this off my chest. I'm not really looking for specific advice - only because I don't think anything we can do helps. But last night was our worst night ever.

DD is 19 months, never sleeps more than a couple of hours without waking for at least a cuddle, usually BF. Since about a year old she's refused Daddy at night too, so it's me.

Some nights in the last few months she just keeps waking up, I BF her back to sleep, or occasionally just cuddle, 5 mins later she wakes up. This goes on for a couple of hours until eventually we go to sleep.

Last night she went to sleep just before 7, woke at 8.30, woke at 10 something and I brought her into my bed as we do. Woke at 11.30 and could not get back to sleep. About 12.15 I got up and changed her nappy, put cream on in case of any itches, showed her the stars out the window that she's obsessed with this week, back to bed. By 1.30 still not asleep and I had had it.

I've had a bit of a cold last few days, really tired from previous bad nights, desperate for sleep, been going to bed at 8.30. At 1.30 I was crying and feeling truly awful. Called for DP to help (he sleeps downstairs). Said you must take her I feel like I'm going to hurt her. Sat and cried a lot. DD cried loads, calling Mummy Mummy all the time, would not be held, climbed upstairs to me.

I said to DP you must take her, I'm not asking much am I. He said she won't touch me at night, I can't do anything. Then he ranted about not being able to do anything, saying he's a failure, punching the wall and punched a picture shattering the glass. By now I had DD back again and was BF/cuddling and she was quiet. Eventually went to sleep at 2.30. Woke again sometime between that and 7 when we finally woke up.

And I got up and came to work feeling rough as hell and awful about everything, and now wondering how I'm going to get important stuff done by 3.30pm deadline.

Long-term I've tried night weaning but she still woke up so went back to BF as was just more work getting her back to sleep. I am not a CC person so will not do that. Most evenings now she is awake when getting into her bed so she can settle herself with me next to her. I get so fed up when even co-sleeping and BFing and cuddling her don't help her sleep more.

At least tonight should be better, usually is after a bad one. Never had such a bad one for all of us though.

I would say definitely dont show her the stars in the middle of the night

you need to teach her that night time is for sleeping only

and is she eating enough in the day? does she have supper? like banana and milk or porridge

You need to do something to get her to sleep. CC is not an easy option but nor is going without sleep every night - you and her! Maybe think short term pain for long term gain? Or gradual withdrawl?

Is she in her own room? If not she might need to be. I would also drop the night feeds at 19 month. She doesn't need the calories just the comfort and while there is nothing wrong with comforting your child for your own sanity you need to take action - that's my opinion anyway.

You need to night wean I think. We hit this point with DS, it was a nightmare. I was so bloody tired I couldn't think straight or do anything.

Over a long weekend, DH went to DS every time he woke. DS cried for me, sobbed, howled and DH just held him and cuddled him the whole time (while I lay in bed crying too!).
First night it took 2.5 hours to get him back to sleep, second night it took 45 mins, third night it took an hour, and the fourth night he didn't wake and we had cracked it.

We are all so much happier for having done it, and carried on BFing mornings and bedtimes until DS self-weaned just after his 2nd birthday.
You really need DH onside though, he has to be fully committed and not give up in the middle of the night.

Thanks for replies.
The stars was a total one-off as last night I felt I needed a break and start again, I totally agree about giving the message that night is for sleeping.

She starts off in her own room but comes into bed with me by the second wake up as she usually goes to sleep for a while then, whereas if I put her back into her bed she wakes up after 10/20 mins and keeps doing that if I keep putting her in there.

I have been thinking that over the xmas holiday perhaps try something different. I am in that state though where the thought of having even less sleep while we are trying is awful.

Thanks for replies.
The stars was a total one-off as last night I felt I needed a break and start again, I totally agree about giving the message that night is for sleeping.

She starts off in her own room but comes into bed with me by the second wake up as she usually goes to sleep for a while then, whereas if I put her back into her bed she wakes up after 10/20 mins and keeps doing that if I keep putting her in there.

I have been thinking that over the xmas holiday perhaps try something different. I am in that state though where the thought of having even less sleep while we are trying is awful.

Sorry for the double, had an error msg.

Yes Alibaba I think you're right, I think I could do the night weaning now but DP has always said he couldn't bear the crying. Think I will have to have another go myself, like in Dr Jay Gordon's changing the sleep pattern in the family bed advice.

I just want to add my sympathy, as we've had some nights like this with DD (15mo) and they are unbearable. I've tried describing them on here and never manage to make any sense! But your night sounds pretty similar. We don't co-sleep (she won't sleep) so different in that sense. I've decided not to night wean but to persist more in getting her to sleep in her cot without me holding her. Involves some crying, but not much. We've managed a few bedtimes in a row like this, but the middle of the night is much harder - you just want to do the quickest thing to get back to sleep! Anyway, I've just bought DH some earplugs so any night time crying doesn't keep him awake too (I make him get up early in the morning, so don't expect him to do nights as well).
Last night was great for us (only one night waking - just a feed and back to sleep) although I'm not expecting this to be a permanent thing.

Good luck

Zoidberg - my comment to your DP would be 'tough shit'. Honestly, he needs to play a part in this and it isn't fair to just say 'I can't cope' and cop out.