manipulation! Help me be firm!

[dribbleface]

My Ds has never been a good sleeper, but we sort of got there and he sleeps 11hrs at night.

The fireworks over recent weeks did scare him and one night he was genuinely terrified and i sat with him...........you know whats coming next don't you?!

So fast forward 3 weeks and he will not go down unless he thinks i'm on the stairs outside . He is now raising the anti and now shouting - not sit down mummy etc etc. I know i need to nip this in the bud. DH had gone from being the firm one to suggesting i'm awful for considering putting my foot down. When he was very young we did gradual withdrawing from him room but he was a baby then and not able to manipulate the situation so triumphantly!

So my plan is to be firm, put him to bed, usual routine, leave him (he has a new nightlight as he was not keen on the dark) and then letting him get on with it (but popping back every few minutes to settle him, reassure, lay down etc). He will go NUTS I know, he is very very strong willed.

So am i being awful, should i go for it or be resigned to sitting on the stairs every night (praying the stairs don't creak on the way down

How old is DS?

You certainly have my support! We've had this scenario with DD1 (16 months) several times, when illness/teething/holiday have involved me rocking her to sleep and cuddling her a lot at night, and she then expected it all the time. Each time, I've hated listening to her cry but it's only been bad (i.e. more than half an hour of crying) for a couple of days before she's got used to settling on her own again.

If you're happy to sit on the stairs, then do so. But I found that all the rocking was not only impractical, it was also making me very, very impatient with DD1. I've been much calmer since I've accepted that there will usually be 5-10 minutes of shouting when I put her down.

What I do, for what it's worth, is to put her down gently and calmly, then return at 10-minute intervals during which I tell her that I love her and she has to go to sleep now. The time interval and exactly what you do will depend on your DS; I found that I just wound DD up more if I went in every 5 minutes or picked her up and cuddled her.

Good luck!

And btw, don't beat yourself up for this situation. You did what you needed to do to make DS feel safe during fireworks. Of course he'd rather keep you near now!

i would do gradual withdrawal again personally.

i would just potter around upstairs so he can hear you and say "just putting the lcothes away" etc etc

stick head round door a couple of times so he knows you are there etc etc

gradually lenghten the amount of time you are doing it. nip to the toilet now and then etc etc

just because he is older doesn't mean he does not need the security of you being there still

Thank you.

Ds is 2yrs 5 mths, not happy to keep sitting on stairs (its ok if it only takes a few minutes to sleep but not if it takes hours!) and i can see him slowly increasing the demands!

Thanks for telling me not to beat myself up, am annoyed with myself! But your right, needed the reassurance then.

Going to start new firm bedtime at weekend when i'm less shattered and not got work the next day.

Cross post thisisyesterday - trouble is he goes ballistic if i'm moving around - do you think i should just do this anyway (pottering upstairs even if he cries?). Oh i don't know!

i would be happy to be pottering around even if he was crying because he KNOWS you are there. i would just keep calling in "ds, you know i am right here. settle down now"

thanks thisisyesterday - think this might the the middle ground i was looking for. Will give that a go. That way if he is creating i am around so feel like i'm not abandoning him, but not giving in to every tiny little demand.

Thank you. Off in a bit to start the stair creeping!

Just had to re teach this to ds (21 months) as after illness we got into the rocking thing. It only took one single night of 15 minutes with me popping in to day shush and lying him down. He totally got it. And now sleeps better all night and amazingly a bit longer in the morning. I totally dreaded it and hated doing it and felt so blinking guilty the next day BUT it has really sorted it out and I think he quite likes the nice safe boundaries. I make an extra effort to make bedtime really long slow cosy and relaxing - half hour bath, 20 mins reading and nice bottle in almost dark. Then he seems ready to let me go. Lullaby music and teddies and door open so he us not shut into dark.

It was the right thing to do.

Hope that helps a little.

thanks dycey.

Well tonight, bedtime routine, told him i was going out and went into hallway. Usual 'not sit down mummy' 'stand up', i said its bedtime close your eyes, to which i got a very indignant 'they are shut' and didn't hear a peep from him since . I did stay upstairs for about 10 minutes in case he called out for me (i had said i was upstairs still).

Will see what tomorrow brings! But think i need to be firmer but stay around as suggested.