Is it okay to co-sleep for convenience?

[SirBoobAlot]

DS has just turned a year. I never intended to co-sleep, but its worked out that way. He starts off in his cot, but normally comes in with me at some point when he wakes up for a feed. He will resettle in his cot if I choose to put him back in there.

I tend to have him in with me as its easier. I've got M.E., so am especially tired (not to undermine anyone else who is feeling knackered, but you know what i mean!) - being able to just roll over instead of faff around is so much easier for me, and saves me a lot of energy. He has also been feeding a lot recently due to illness / teething / separation anxiety, so I would be getting up minimum four times at night.

The HV is quite happy with it, I am happy with it, DP is happy with it (we stay with him at the weekends). But my mum keeps making comments about how I'm making life more difficult for myself, and for DS. I have stuck up for myself, saying that they're my choices, and if need be, my mistakes, but she needs to leave off so I can make them either way. But her comments have got under my skin.

I tried explaining everything that is written above, but she just doesn't seem to get it, and made me feel bad. She also keeps mentioning that he should be starting to sleep through by now, and although I know this is rubbish (each child is an individual, and I am happy to feed DS at night until he no longer needs it) it has made me doubt myself.

So is this okay?

Yes, definitely.

Everything, I live with them at the moment, so she knows all Am moving out (for the first time!) next Monday, and I know that there will be endless questions of "Is he in your bed, or in his room now?".

Absolutely! Did this with my 2 younger dc (having stupidly dug my heels in with dd1) and it worked really well. They both slept in their own beds eventually (and still do!) You do what you have to to make life easier. All this "rod for your own back" stuff is really not true

Sounds like a lovely set up you have, why change it?

Your mum would be more understanding if SHE was the one getting up four times a night with your son!

Absolutely fine. I have been doing this with dd since she was around 9 months old. She's now 2.2 years and she still comes in our bed most nights. I don't mind either way - we're all getting plenty of sleep and that's all I care about. And quite honestly, now that I'm at work full time, I really really appreciate the extra cuddle time.

What are the 'problems' your mum thinks it's causing?

I had ME when my ds1 was born, we co slept for all the reasons you give. At 18 months we got a cot bed and had it next to our bed, he spent some of the night there and some with me.

I had dd2 when he was 3, all 4 of us slept in the same room until we moved 4 months later, it worked really well, DH would care for ds and I would care for dd, I didn't even wake if ds did, I tuned into dd2's crying only.

DS stayed in his own room as soon as we moved, occasionally dh would go through to settle him if he woke, but never for long

DD2 took longer and had her own room only when we moved when she was 4, she still was in our bed most mornings for he first 6 months.

Hope you get the support you need with the ME

I loved every night, knowing that I was getting enough sleep and that my kids had the emotional attachment to me that they wanted. A big bed helped.

I would not tell anyone else what to do, it worked for me,for my dh and kids, but each to their own.

I'm so glad we ignored all advice that told us we were making a rod fr our own backs etc

Thank you for the encouragement, it does mean a lot.

Zing - she says that he shouldn't need to feed so much at night now, and that he's just using me as a dummy; that most children at a year are sleeping through; and the fact that I keep "giving in" and feeding him means that firstly, he knows he can control me, and secondly, that I am more tired.

I do really believe that her concern is well-meant, but my brother and I were both bottle fed, and sleeping through by nine months-ish from what I gather. I'm guessing that is the basis of her scientific evaluation.

This is exactly what I did with my ds (soon to be 4yrs).
We moved him into his own bed/room just before my dd was born (he was 2.5 years old) without my trouble. My mother had exactly the same attitude, as did my MIL. I think it's a generation thing and therefore ignored both. Do what works for you :)

Xposts, eaglewings. Thank you :)

IMO any way you can all have a good nights sleep is a good option.

I became deranged from sleep deprivation doing the pick- up put-down with DD1 for months and months. Eventually, it worked but only for a while.

I cannot imagine being as tired as I was with DD1 AND having MS. You should do whatever works for you. You need to sleep. No one else need have an opinion.

Thank you for the reassurance. We slept as normal, and slept very well indeed :)