I swear I am actually going mad...please please help!

[PetiteMum]

Ok here goes... DS is 5 months old and since he was 3 months old he has not been sleeping well at all. He wakes up every 1.5 to 2 hrs wanting to be fed. Out of these nightly waking I would say one, maybe two are proper feeds- the rest is for comfort or just a cuddle and he nods off again. I should add he sleeps in his cot- I try to put him down when he is dozy not fully asleep. Also- he refuses the bottle and is purely breastfed (he also hates dummies and won't take one)

I have not had more than an hours sleep in 2 months now and the effects are really settling in. I am irritable- snapping at DH. I am so exhausted and tired at night I get annoyed with DS and tell him to 'shut up' when he wakes (quickly followed by guilty cuddles and patting/feeding back to sleep). I am so tired I don't feel like leaving the house during the day but I force myself to and end up feeling more tired and miserable. The days are getting shorter, its freezing- I just generally feel down. DH tries to help but can't do much since DS is purely breastfed- not to mention one of us has to pay the bills and be sane at work!

I had a lovely pregnancy, quick birth and DS was great as a newborn- sleeping 4-5 hrs during the night. What's going on?

Oh- I should add that I started weaning him gently in the hope it might improve things, so he eats bananas, pears, carrot (scoffs the lot) during the day in addition to his milk feeds. On the advice of HV I make sure I breastfeed him every 3 hrs during the day and not sooner, which is fine. He is on E.A.S.Y during the day and pretty easy to look after.

Where am I going wrong? What can i do to make him sleep before my marriage falls apart and I end up in the loony bin? Help!

O poor you. Sounds like me last year! My ds slept amazingly til 10 weeks then woke masses. I also gently weaned (to little effect) but somehow I survived. No real advice I am afraid. I did not feed more than every 4 hours at night and rocked the other times, later I stopped the rocking and this improved wake ups to four hourly - more bearable!

Hi there, not really got very much practical advice re sleeping, but I would say if your DH isn't working today, hand over DS and sleep between feeds. You sound exhausted and you really need to catch up on some sleep. At some point today you also need to have a soak in the bath with a book, wine, chocolate and just generally think about yourself for a while. I know that your DH can't do much in terms of feeds (mine have all been EBF and bottle refusers) but he can takeover for one day and give you some much needed time off.

Not sure what E.A.S.Y is?

Have you thought of co-sleeping? It is the only thing that has saved my sanity in the past.

I have never had a DC who has been a 'good' sleeper and have found that I have been better able to deal with it once I have accepted that I can't make them sleep but adapted to find ways that make things easier on myself.

And it does get better, I promise, though I understand it is hard to believe that in the middle of the night when you have been woken for the 4th time

You poor thing.

I feel your pain as I also have a 5 mth old ds2 who doesn't sleep well. After ds1 who was a great sleeper it is a bit of a shock.

First, why did your hv recommend 3 hrly feeding? Your lo may only need the milk every 3 hrs, but we all know bfing is about a lot more than food. Maybe he has a need for more frequent nursing so if he isn't getting it during the day, he will make up for it at night. The dept of health and WHO recommend exclusive on demand feeding - she really shouldn't be going agaist this. Ask her if she goes 3 hours between eating or drinking anything!

The Baby Whisperer - only really works because a fair lot of babies (including my first) eat, play and sleep in that order anyway. The bf advice in that book is awful which really put me off it tbh.

I am co-sleeping as a way of dealing with this. I am not a 'natural' co-sleeper, but it is all about survival. Is it something you could manage do you think? It isn't for everyone, but it is helping me get through!

The other thing is, I am guessing that you are worried about doing stuff that will lead to bad habits? DON'T - you are doing a grand job and your baby will not always be like this. Honestly, I am so thankful ds1 was easier because at least I know that it will change and it will do so regardless of what I do or do not do. I used tothink a babie's sleeping pattern was the fault of its parents and that dh and I were so great what with ds sleeping well....till we got ds2 which fairly shut us up!

I really feel for you. Lack of kip is crippling. It really is. Try to rest in the day when you can. It will get better, I promise.

Oh yes, and totally agree, acceptance is the way forward. Otherwise you will drive yourself crazy.

Are you me? Exact same situation and baby here. I also am cosleeping as it makes it so much easier to get back to sleep afterwards. We are this week going to try getting dh to settle him for bed in the vain hope he will then not associate me with sleep but if yours goes down on his own anyway this does not give me much help. Have also been trying vainly to not pick him up everytime he wakes at night and he can now occasionally go back to sleep on his own. My best sleep is achieved by giving baby to dh first thing in morning after feed and he takes him for 2-3 hours if he is not working. That helps me keep sane. I am no good at napping but do rest when baby is asleep during the day.
Also go to bed at the same time as baby so you get maximum sleep and do not worry about bad habits as nicky says because really they cant get much worse anyway
I do also feel like I am going mad a lot of the time. Going out of the house does help I think but the best thing to do if possible is to visit people. People who have had kids are great as they tend to want to take the baby, grandparents and aunts and in laws all love to take baby too and you can sit and have a cup of tea. Lots of coffee and cake helps too. Let us know how it goes.

Oh and nicky has the situation improved at all for you yet? Good to hear what you say about it being the baby not what you do but to be honest I (or rather my dh) cannot stop trying to find a way to fix it

Aw thanks so much for support everyone! Well I think the HV intended to try stretching his feeds during the day so he would get used to less frequent feeding and feed properly when he does rather than snacking. I think its helped, and his night wakings haven't changed as a result. I have no idea why he wakes and wonder if it is just a habit? Esp the wakings where he doesnt want food?

I did try co-sleeping a couple of weeks back but to be honest I didn't get rest as I used to wake up all scrunched up trying to avoid squashing DS!

BuckBuckMcFate- EASY is a routine where baby Eats, then plays (Activity) then Sleeps and gives You time to relax. This works for us but I can understand it might not for everyone. It has certainly helped him disassociate feeding with sleep so does not rely on the boob to sleep anymore which he used to when he was around 2-3 months old.

Gosh it is so hard. I cannot imagine having more children at the moment- I had never thought the sleep deprivation would be so intense and all-consuming! I am dying to get out more as well- I really wanted to join a Mother and Baby Pilates class locally but I doubt I will have the energy before DS grows out of his babyhood! :(

goodname- I'm sooooo happy i'm not the only one!! I have friends that have babies but they all seem to sleep at least 4 hrs in a row (grrr!)

I don't have any relatives nearby unfortunately. I have one sister who doesnt have kids and is being a bit selfish at the mo(another story) and I can't be bothered with. Mum passed away in 2006 and I really really miss her :( :(

petite, yes, for us too it is not the hunger that wakes ds. don't know what it is - lighter period of sleep? developmental stuff? who knows.

I am lucky in that at the bfing group I attend, there are 3 or 4 kids like ds2, so I don't feel alone. There are 1000s of us up all night with you!