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3 year old will not sleep or stay in bed

5 replies

knomedeplum · 03/11/2010 06:02

Between ds2 (5 mth) and ds1(3) I haven't slept for more than an hour and a half a night for weeks, I am wrecked and I need some help.

Ds2 was sleeping pretty well but a cold put paid to that and now he will only sleep on me or when being moved (in car/pram/sling) - I'm pretty much sitting on sofa all night with him on me, taking shifts with dh. I coukd just about cope with this if, IF ds1 would sleep.

Ds1 is probably the most stubborn, tricky child I've ever come across (I work with kids) so he was never going tosleep easily but I can't take much more. He had a dummy until 2 months ago, when we did the whole dummmy fairy thing, since that day he hasn't slep a decent night. So tonight as an example, bath, milk, teeth, stories, cuddles bed, he jumps out of bed before I'm even out of the door, I say nothuing, calmy put him back in, say good night and this goes on and on and on. For hours, every night, getting no better. I've put a stairgate on his bedroom because he was screaming and shouting on the landing waking up ds2 (ha, in the old days when ds2 actually slept).

I have tried to leave ignore it, but he stands at the stairgate screaming and screaming, kicking the door, etc etc - again waking ds2 if he so happens to be asleep. I have left this going for over a week, going up every few mins but it never got any better.

He will eventually fall asleep, after maybe 2 hours of screaming (have tried all sorts to stop this, giving each method a good week-10 days but nothing works - cuddles, lying with him, various reward charts, later bedtimes, completely ignoring, going in every few mins etc etc). Have also tried giving him a snack before bed, light on, light off, lighter duvet, thicker pjs, a specia teddy, room is blacked out - irellevant now anyway.

He waks up a few hours later and the cycle contiues.

He dropped his afternoon nap a while back although he will fall alseep in the car in the afternoon usually for 20 mins, I've tried to get him back to napping, even justa short nap in case that will help but the same saga happens so it's not worth it, we go outside to play eveyyday whatever the weather to burn off energy, he eats decent, fresh food

This week has been utter hell as dh away. I can't even think about trying to work on ds2's sleep habits while ds1 is like this and just feel completely at a loss of what to do next, I'm beyond exhasuted, am angry, fed up and spend most nights quietly sobbing to myself. Am starting to worry that there's something 'wrong' with ds1, not sure what but his behaviour is a real issue, I know toddlers are hard work, have tantrums, etc but ds just seems so much more extreme than all the other kids I see at work or socially. His tantrums can and do sometimes last an entire day. Friends family now comment on it too. The other side of the coin is that he is a lovely, loving, caring polite, bright litte boy with boundless energy and I love him to bits, I'm just not such a big fan of the demonic flipside

Sorry if this is a bit all over the place, tired, on phone, balnacing baby.

Thoughts, suggestions, offers of babysitting all welcome

OP posts:
BollocksToThis · 03/11/2010 06:24

I can't offer much by way of advice but I've got a 3 year old who's never been a good sleeper, and a 6 week old who's not showing much promise either. Sending loads of sympathy your way. The only thing I could suggest is that maybe giving up the dummy came too close to the baby's arrival and he's feeling extra insecure? What about cosleeping for a while? You poor thing, it sounds dreadful.

knomedeplum · 03/11/2010 08:43

Nice to know I'm not alone!

We'd said to him for ages and ages that big boys and girls don't have dummies/ie when you go to preschool it's bye bye dummy. So he was really aware of it when he started preschool and kept saying the dummy fairy was coming, so we thought we should just go for ir, although even at the time that's what we were thinking, now I wish we just left him wih the bloody thing. He'd only had it for sleep fro, 3mths but (obv ds2 arrival linked) had been asjing for ir in the day and having almighty tantrums if I said no. Can't win.

OP posts:
kaylakelly · 12/11/2010 21:36

Oh my god I know how you feel, I'm in the same boat! Mine is also 3yrs old and I'm going through hell with night time wakings. I can get him to bed with little fuss (can take 10-30mins) BUT only if I lay next to him, have tried putting down and walking away but I honestly think he could go on all night, I would fall asleep before him!! My real problem is he wakes up and comes into my room and can stay awake for up to 4hrs!!! (he was doing this BEFORE he started to creep into my bed too) he can't speak yet so I can't ask if anything is wrong, but to be honest he is very happy, wide awake, and making lots of humming/singing noises as if hes had a whole nights sleep when infact he's had about 4hrs! makes no difference if he's napped in the day or not, there doesn't seem to be any reason, but it's getting more regular, up to 3 times a week and on the other nights he wakes up 2-3 times but does go back to sleep within 10 mins BUT in my bed, I dread taking him back to his because each time he stays awake for 3-4hrs, even if I lay next to him in his bed. I've spoken with the GP and HV - no use! why is this happening? and how the hell do we make it right?!

knomedeplum · 14/11/2010 19:27

I have no idea, tonight I am going to start (again) just saying 'you need to stay in bed' and putting him back in, we have tried before but always give in about 3 hours in out of exhaustion but I am not going to give in tonight. I want to get it sorted so I can docus on dc2!

OP posts:
bigdonna · 18/11/2010 09:39

hi have you tried a star chart,my ds slept in my bed until he was nearly 2 when i had my dd.we did a star chart for him going to sleep and staying in his bed all night,if he got 3 stars he got a treat!!!my dd also slept in my bed as they hated the cot she went into big bed at 14 months,hope it gets better soon.i also work with kids now as a cm and nannied before having kids its never easy with your own!!!!!!

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