When will he start sleeping for a longer stretch at night??? And is there a way I can help him to do this? Getting desperate.

[RaisingMrC]

Hello, posting after a terrible night with DS who is now 14 weeks. Since he was born, he has been waking every 2-3 hours, for feeds - I assumed (in my naivety!) that he would gradually start to space out the time that he would go between feeds.

However, he has never gone for more than 3 hours, usually 2 and now things seem to be regressing further. We co-sleep at the moment and what has developed is DS waking and wanting the boob in his mouth all the time and he seems to need it to go to sleep. I try to remove it which sometimes works but then he often wakes 15 mins after and roots around for it again.

Last night we tried to soothe him to sleep by rocking rather than bf - 2 hours later he was asleep, after lots of crying and some bfs in between. He then slept his usual 2 hours, and came into the bed with us upon waking.

We do have a bed time routine and he is usually down (after bf and rocking to sleep) by 8/8.30. Last week he consistently went down for 2 hours, but these last 2 days he has been awake within 30 mins, wanting to go back on the breast.

He is still young so I don't always feel confident to say "he is definitely not hungry", but I have started to feel resentful having to crack open the boob so often. Also if he becomes very distressed, it often is the only thing which will soothe him.

Has anyone experienced the same? Or have any suggestions to help? I don't know how to encourage him to go for longer periods of sleep, or how to stop the "breast as dummy" thing. My feeling is to stop co-sleeping, but I don't really know the best way to do this. I'm keen to avoid a night like last night where he just became hysterical (we were holding him and shushing the whole time, he gets more hysterical if put down in that state) as I feel so sad for him that he must be getting stressed out, as are we.

Sorry for the long rambling post, really need some advice!

My DS is just over 16 weeks and he is the same, he starts off in his cot, then when he first wakes he comes into my bed, I get back to sleep quicker this way, but I think he wakes more because he is so close to my boob.

Ive tried other ways of getting him to sleep which either takes hours or doesnt work at all, I dont mind feeding him to sleep in the eve but I wish he wouldnt need my boob so much in the night.

The only difference is I know he can sleep longer stretches as he did 7 hours on 2 occasions (bliss!) but he averages 5 hours.

Sorry no advice as such but thought Id let you know your def not the only one!

Also no advice but watching this thread with interest as DD is the same (although only 10 weeks) only sleeps 2 hours on average, sometimes 3, and always has to have boob to get back to sleep. We are also co-sleeping as after 8 weeks of hellish sleep this seemed to be the only way to make it through the night without me being in tears by daybreak. Hoping some of the experienced mums will be along in a moment!

Have you tried using a dummy?

Yes its a catch 22 isn't it, as its the best way to get some sleep...but then seems to lead to frequent night wakings. I'm just frustrated as things seem to be getting worse not better! I noticed that someone posted about the same thing this morning, but their LO is 6 months old. Not sure how to make changes with a much smaller DC! Hopefully someone will come and give some advice!

can you make your cot a bedside one, so it's like co-sleeping? that will make things more comfortable for you, and will introduce to him the idea of sleeping in his cot.

I can't help with the sleeping longer thing, as DS is 13 months and still up 1-2 times a night - he didn't sleep longer than 2 hrs at a stretch until 6 months (OK, I lie - he did a couple of times sleep 4 hours but then was up for the rest of the night). Bear in mind it could be a growth spurt (I swear these things happen every week in young babies), and feeding him may be the best solution for both of you.

Also, hve you considered a dummy? we resorted to one - tried several brands until he accepted the Mam ones. we still use them at night, as he won't feed to sleep now, but just runs around like a duracell bunny unless we pin him down with the dummy in. we now restrict the dummy to sleep time only, which suits all of us well :)

last point, which was raised with me frequently in the early days was day time napping - apparently sleep begets sleep. We do find now that if DS doesn't nap for long enough in the day, he will not sleep at night - good naps=good nights (so he now has 45 mins in the morning, 1.5 hrs in the afternoon, after lunch, and he is in bed by 8, will generally sleep until 2 or 4, then again until 6 or 7 - if he's up at 2, he'll be up at 4 and then either sleep until 6 or be a colossal pain in the neck until my alarm goes off. without the naps, he won't go down at night, and is up every hour or so.) so maybe try and have a loose nap routine, and see if that helps.

good luck :)

At that age they will still need to feed every 2-3 hours the size of their stomach is miniscule.

Does having him in your bed and on the boob all the time disturb your sleep? If not I wouldn't worry about it. They won't be like that forever. My DC3 was like that fed every 2-3 hours and used me as a comforter and by one was in his own room and sleeps through the night quite happily, as do all of mine and we co-slept till they were all around one-ish.

None of mine had a dummy.

www.breastfeedingbasics.com/html/night_waking.shtml

Based on personal experience and posts on this forum, it seems that cosleeping bf babies do tend to feed more often.

I would be interested to know whether co-sleeping babies feed more often because it's on offer constantly(similar to how people eat much more at buffets than when ordering from the menu) or, conversely, whether people with babies who feed frequently are more likely to co-sleep because it's the only way to get through weeks and weeks of 2 hr feeds (ie does the short cycle result in co-sleeping or vice versa)

Op- is putting him in a cot in your room an option, even just for a few nights to see if he goes longer like that?

Hi - thanks for the messages. BaggedandTagged, I'm really interested in that too!

He does start the night in his cot, and sometimes we can settle him back there after the first wake up...though it doesn't lenghten his sleep at all, though I wonder if it might with time as we've only just started trying.

I do think naps are an issue too, as he is such a cat napper! He never seems to get into a deep sleep.

The breast as dummy thing does trouble my sleep a bit as my back hurts in the morning. I guess my main worry though is that it won't change - which I know is a bit silly at 3 months - so its good to hear your experience, imaslattern.

I feel your pain though I am now finding my 15 wk old is feeding to sleep but when I put him in cot he wakes again immediately! Sometimes he wants feeding again but sometimes not - either way he doesn't want to lie in his cot and we have to rock him to sleep. This happens 2 or 3 times a night and rocking can take up to an hour.

I am shattered. Prior to this he would BF at 2 and then 5, going right back to sleep at the end of the feed. Wish we could get back to that!

Fificot, don't forget you are hitting growth spurt time where your baby will want more.

Of course! I hope it is that as it might mean he will get past it soon. Thanks.

Hello. Have just read your text and really feel for you. I've never replied to a thread before but your situation reminded me of myself exactly a few months ago.

I have an (almost) 12 mnth old girl who has been fully breast fed and we had the same issues. Unfortunately I don't have a magic wand and we still have sleep issues ..settles easily but frequent night wakenings. The first couple she clearly still needs milk but the latter are clearly for comfort.As she's got older its easier to know which is which. Sometimes I feed as it gets her back to sleep within 5-10 mins, othertimes she'll settle with singing or holding. This has got a lot better & didn't used to be the case.

Its very difficult ... I look back and still don't know if she was hungry or was it comfort? Probably a mixture. I found the 'No cry sleep solution'book helpful although by then I was using most of the tips it suggests anyway ...just to realise others in the same boat. Also to say if you chose to co-sleep it gets a lot easier..you relax about where they are in the bed, and drift in/out sleep easier. I did a mixture. Now she is in her own cot in own room (bought new comfy one) and I sleep in our room (apart), occasionally when I'm really tired I get into the bed (mattress on floor next to cot) I have in her room and sleep with her. The last 2/3 months she'll go to sleep without latching on but just knowing I'm there. She turns away from me without feeding sometimes & self settles. I did it in stages though & for a while she'd sleep if I held my arm around top of head and held close to me, with her in a feeding position (but not latched on)with arm encircling her until she was in a deep sleep...then I did this but leaning over cot (not comfortable for back)to get to where we are now. Othertimes just a hand on her back & singing the same nursery rhyme works which it didn't do in the early days but I kept going and retrying things. Does any of this help?

Having said that the growing spurts did come frequently & it may be hunger.

Good luck.

Sorry for not posting sooner but wanted to say thanks ByronLou for the message...its nice to know things do get easier with time!