Couls someone please tell me all the answers to 18month DD's sleep ishoos?

[mrsjuan]

Getting rather desperate now.

DD has never been great sleeper - has always woken up at least once most nights and has needed rocking back to sleep but for the last couple of weeks there have been several nights where this just hasn't cut it and it has been taking over an hour to get her back off. Last night I was up for 3 hours with her.

If I leave her she screams - proper full on crying - not just tired whinging, when I go to her she is generally happy to be picked up and cuddled but just can't drop back off. Any attempts at lying her back down or shushing her in her cot are met with kicking and crying.

My inkling is that it's partly developmental -she seems to be learning a lot at the moment e.g. putting words togther in little sentences and remembering things that have happened before - so when she wakes, her mind is racing and she can't settle.

I also know that I've made the proverbial rod for my own back by rocking her to sleep every night - this is also taking longer and longer. Occasionally we can put her in her cot and she will go off by herself but this is very rare - mostly if I try she has immediate hysterics.

Naps are pretty good - she normally has at least 2 hours after lunch - often she would have longer if I let her but I usually wake her after 2.5 hours - is this where I'm going wrong?

I'm not completely averse to a bit of crying now that she's a bit older but she doesn't seem the sort that CC would work for - I would only be able to settle her by picking her up and cuddling her & then she's start screaming again as soon as I put her down.

Sorry it's long - wanted to put as much info in as possible so that someone can give me the definitive answer

Perhaps should add that on the nights when she does sleep well (on average 2 nights a week) she sleeps perfectly - 7-7 without a peep so she can do it, just not enough

Pleeeeeeaaase

DS2 (18mo) has been going through a crap sleeping phase recently (he used to be v reliable at sleeping through) so I think a lot of it must be developmental with a bit of teething thrown in.

I only let him nap for 1.5hrs and never after 2.30pm, if he slept 2.5hrs in the day I'd never get him to sleep at night.

He does go to sleep by himself though, I never had time to rock him to sleep as had DS1 to attend to as well. If you don't think CC will work for her maybe you could try a gradual retreat approach? (if you search I'm sure you'll find loads of threads on it)

Also at sleeping through twice a week, it's about once a fortnight here atm!

Maybe a shorter nap is the answer then - it's just a bit of a vicious circle becasue she needs the long nap to catch up on her missed night sleep and is super grumpy without.

Will search for gradual retreat - but will probably have to be so gradual that we'll be on to the next issue by the time I've sorted this one.

Teeth probably playing their part here too.

Hope you get some sleep tonight.

Personally, I think you need to use a tough love approach. I would leave a few books/toys in the cot. If she wakes just ignore. I promise that after 2/3 nights she will stop waking, or if she does, 'entertain' herself or go back to sleep without your help. My son wakes most mornings at 6am and has learnt to lie in his cot and sing/chat/play/go back to sleep till 7am without any fuss or distress. The reality, IMO, is that the longer you rock her to sleep, the longer your broken nights will be!

I hope things start to improve

she sounds like my DD - no tips, but sympathies. I think my DD is often over-tired (due to being unwilling to stop and lie down...) which makes her sleep restless, which wakes her up, at which point she starts going through the things in her mind ('cow!', 'Mike', 'trampy' [trampoline], 'pumpkin!' 'bouncing!') and then she can't get back to sleep. Your DD at 18mo is probably starting to dream as well. You could try (I might try and take my own advice) starting to talk through what she's done in the day in the wind-down to bed - this seems like a nice thing to establish with the DCs - that they try to go to bed without anything on their minds.

Was up with mine for 3 hours last night too. You could try moving the nap back a bit - perhaps there's not enough time between waking up and going to bed?

Or could you co-sleep, maybe she would settle quicker in bed with you?

agree that you should stop rocking her to sleep though

I'm almost at the point of trying that addicted but I know I would probably 'give in' and that that would make the whole process pointless and unfair on her. If someone could guarantee that it would only be 20 minutes or something of crying (which still seems a lot to me) then I could probably do it but how do you know how long it will take them to stop.

I know I am too soft As I say, she can do it so I just wonder what causes her to wake / not settle on the other nights.

meg Unfortunately she doesn't settle in out bed meg - headstands, chatting, pulling hair etc. otherwise that would definitely be my first port of call.

driving yes sounds very similar - even down to the 'pumpkin' - last night she just kept on 'pumpkins, moon, mummy x50!' My fault for taking her out in the dark to see the pumpkins. Talking through the day sounds excellent idea - will try that - would also be a nice transition from story time (which would go on all night if she got her own way) to bedtime.

Yes - rocking needs to stop. Will try harder!

Hooray! I think a bit of effort has paid off! I managed to get her to sit in her cot for story time instead of on my lap, then sat with her for about 15 minutes talking quietly and pretending to put her teddies to bed.

Then said night night and left - allowed 2 minutes of crying before I went in again, said night night & left again, she cried a little bit on and off for about 10 minutes - never more than 30 seconds at a time and now it's all gone quiet! Fingers crossed.

Am very pleased with myself & her

Well done :)

yay! we have re-introduced a short nap into her day and so far (fingers, toes and anything else available crossed) this is making bedtime easier - she's tired but not over-tired. We did have a small hiccup today as DP goes out on Tuesdays and she was asking for 'mummy' (e.g. the other mummy) and once I explained that she had gone out (DD guesses 'shopping'? 'gym'? 'outside'?) and would be back later she was fine...

Not working tonight Am going in every 2 minutes to settle her down but she is screaming. Not sure how long to persevere for. Aghhh.

Hope she's settled now. Ime you have to stick with it for a few days.

Yes - thank goodness, she'd stopped screaming by 8.15 and was asleep by half past.

Feel horrible but think it will be worth it if she sleeps better as she will be so much happier during the day (as will I) And I did manage to settle her fairly quickly every time I went in so don't think she felt too abandoned.

Your recent problem sounds like it could be the 18 month sleep regression (VERY common).

It's horrible, but should pass eventually.

More info here and here and here.

Oh wow - that third link describes the situation to a tee! I was prepared to dismiss the sleep regression theory as she hasn't really had much to regress from but that does make sense.

We had another 3 hour stint awake in the middle of the night so getting her to settle herself in the evening didn't make much difference on that occasion.

Managed to get her to go to sleep in her cot tonight with no rocking but had to sit with her and do some shushing etc.

We'll see what tonight brings.

Glad it was helpful. :)

'Regression' is not the best term really, - 'sleep setback' is an alternative one.

I'd be tearing my hair out if I didn't know about this developmental stuff - we're just entering the second half of the 8/9 month regression.

Less good sleepers (like my DS) often need a bit of help learning better habits once the regression is over.

I find that if DS is properly awake in the night (which he usually does during developmental spurts), he gets drowsy again 1.5 hours after waking - never less. I read about some biological basis for this - 'activity' periods are often 1.5 hours long. It might be worth trying to get her off after 1.5 hours up. Then it goes in multiples of 1.5, so 3 hours is the next drowsy point.

Interesting - 3 hours seems to be our average - perhaps I'm missing an opportunity after the first 1.5 hours - will bear that in mind. Thanks

I find it's not obvious when the drowsy period hits. I only discovered it because DS would be cross and so I'd sit and rock him in the dark from as soon as he woke till he dropped off. It took a while before I realised I could dispense with the first hour or so of rocking a wriggling baby!