Should i get a breathing monitor or might my anxieties get better, and do they work?

[mammainlove]

My DD is 20w.o. She co-sleeps with us at night and sleeps on our bed for naps in the day. I put the baby monitor as close to her mouth as i can and listen to her sleep in the living room. Sometimes i cant hear her breath that well as there is interference in the monitor, so i'm constantly tip-toeing upstairs to check her breathing. This has got worse since she started rolling over to sleep on her front (at night i wake up continuously to roll her back again,despite the struggle!) I have also got more anxious since reading about SIDS. My brother died in his sleep of cardiomyopathy when he was 17. I'm really,really scared. i cant get any housework done or relax when she's asleep+my health is suffering. She's a big (18lbs), strong baby,has good neck control. Am i being paranoid? Does any other parents feel/have felt like this? Is it worth getting a breathing pad/monitor,do they work? Any help and advice muchly appreciated.x

I have an Angelcare. I used to use it with DS1 till he was quite big (almost 1! They recommend that you switch off the 'breathing' monitor once the baby reaches 6 months and just use it as a 'sound' monitor.). With DS2 I haven't bothered. But I still use it on the sound mode when we are at other people's house (for example, my ILs as they have many doors through their house and you cannot hear a baby crying). I really recommend it. I can remember it only going off once or twice as a 'false' alarm (usually when the baby has moved off too far the sensor pad) as DS1 was in a cotbed so had plenty of room to move! The only thing is it needs a solid base for the sensor pad to go on. Most cots only have slats for a base. But it was easy enough for me to go to B&Q with the measurements of the cotbed and they will cut you a piece of plywood to size. If you think it will help you, get it. It's worth it for a peace of mind! Sorry to hear about your brother... :(

Its a very reasonable anxiety you have.
If its any consolation, my DP suggested we did not get a monitor at all - and we didn't. I'm partially deaf and was worried I wouldn't hear her, but somehow my ears are totally tuned in to her and I could hear her easily - even when she was 2 floors away (our house is over 3 floors)
Do whatever you need to feel more relaxed.

Sorry to hear about this. It sounds like maybe you could do with some help with your anxiety rather than getting the angecare.

We had one of those monitors in hospital (DD was prem) and I didn't like it all. It went off for no reason at all and if anything, made my anxiety worse. The neonatal nurses actually advised us not to get one for home.

It sounds like health anxiety to me (have suffered with the same thing). Have you looked this up at all?

Thank you all very much for your advice. Doozle, did you use the angelcare one in hospital?

I use the Angelcare too and have found it great. I find it very reassuring and have been surprised by how sensitive it is to the slightest movement.

Mammainlove, I too had a brother who died when he was 16 and guess what? I constantly checked my DD's whilst they slept.

I can only give you the smae advice my DP gave me. (I thought I was going mad! or was mad) and that is, do what you need to do, to reassure yourself.

I used to check my DD's... I'd say about once every 10 minutes (and that having watched the clock for the last 5 minutes wanting to check but feeling too embarrassed to). My DD's are almost 7 and I haven't checked them at all tonight since they went up to bed at 8pm.
You will get there.

Unfortunately, what we both know is that children do die early and that's what scares us out of our wits. Only time is capable of proving that, even though that is true, there's no reason why your child should die.

Do what you've got to do and don't fell bad about it. You're only reacting to your previous life experiences in a rational way.
Good luck, HTH.

don't feel!

i had the same thing as you have with my first son- and to be honest i still do a bit with my second- i bought the angelcare monitor and it didnt work in our house so got the nanny double padded one- its fantastic and it has helped me loads.
i actually developed pnd a major part of it was the sleeping and sids i didnt dare go out if baby was going to fall asleep incase the worst happened. the breathing pads were not advised to me but my life was becoming unbearable.
the best thing i could say is learn basic first aid and as the other poster wrote try to enjoy your baby as much as you can as i actually didnt because of my fears.
the mats/pads dont save lives- but i actually think that if a baby did forget to breath and it the alarm went off i think it would act as an alert-the sound would rouse the baby??
you do become slightly dependent on the devise-baby number 2 was 1 last week and i cant see me weaning myself off it. also he has been in hospital a lot and they dont have them there so that added to my problems

These are good and unlike the Angelcare, don't rely on your LO always sleeping in the same place, as they clip on to their nappy and basically work using a movement sensor.

They can be a bit tricky if you use washable nappies as the waistband is thicker, but it worked reasonably well for my DD and helped me sleep better because I trusted it would go off if she stopped breathing for any length of time. As long as they don't drop off the nappy and don't get wet, they're very reliable.

Plus, I found on the few occasions when the vibrator went off, it stimulated breathing without waking DD. A couple of times the alarm went off because it got dislodged (washable nappies) but it didn't wake DD, just alerted me to the fact it had got loose.

I don't recall panicking on the few occasions it went off and by the time DD was 5.5 months, I stopped using it because I felt more relaxed about her sleeping.

Hi, I use the Angelcare and it has been great - my DD is now 6 months old and we have never had any false alarms. The only time that the alarm goes off is when we forget to switch it off...which happens alot despite using it for 28 weeks!

I was very anxious about SIDs when my DD first came home. I think that most new mumc are TBH. Angelcare definetely allowed me to relax a bit more.

Oh and I didnt know that it is recommended that you switch the motion sensor off at 6mo...why is that?

I have a slightly different tale for you, which is that I bought one due to having a baby with very severe reflux. I'd heard that there was a possible link with SIDS (which I hasten to add has apparently been disproved). Ours was going off at least weekly and now, at 8 months, every couple of weeks.

The paediatrician will not believe me that there is anything wrong and just tells me to turn the monitor off! Apparently they are unreliable and not recommended. However, for me it's very reassuring to have it, as at least I know when DS2 doesn't breathe (both DH and I have now seen him not breathe so we know we are not going mad) and can get to him. Apparently they increase anxiety (and maybe my DS2 would have got through this stage with me none the wiser), but I'm so glad I've got it and it helps me to sleep, rather than keeps me awake!! Hope that makes sense.

Do what is right for you, as people have said. No-one I know has judged me for using one and I've been amazed how many people have then said that they use one too! In your situation (and I'm so sorry for the loss of your brother), your reaction sounds totally understandable - so many mums worry about SIDS anyway, without having gone through such an awful experience.

p.s. I bought the Respisense one (like IC above) and found the mattress movement sensor more reliable and easier to activate, but if you want to use one when you are out and about then the Respisense is the one for you. Have you talked to your health visitor? We have a team here in Warwickshire called 'Care of Next Infant' nursing team who lend out monitors to people who have lost a baby. I wonder if they would be able to lend one to you in your situation? Definitely worth a check before you splash out.

I have the respisense one too and did not get on with it-thought it would be brilliant but i think it got in the way especially if baby is a light sleeoer and you have to feed them i was worried that it was pressing into his tummy- i have had no problems with the nanny mats though-they cover nearly the entire cot surface and have never gone off falsly. they did go off when he had bronchiolitis as he was having fluctuating breathing patterns-i found it a god send.
if you would like to try the respisense monitor the portable type let me know and i'll send it you for a trial as long as you send it back as i;ll need to ebay it soon

We have one and have found it reassuring. We bought it because my cousin kept waking up to find her son blue because he'd stopped breathing. After seeing all that she went through we bought one when I was pregnant with DS. As you have worries I'd get one.

As for her rolling on her front, I'd be tempted to just let her as long as she's not got a pillow or cover that can get near to her face.

I think the Angelcare has been amazing for us. We moved DS into his own room at 5 weeks as I had been completely unable to sleep with him in the same room. I would lie there awake listening to him or fall asleep and have really bad night terrors about him being dead under the duvet (even though he was in the Moses basket) or I'd wake up hanging over the bed looking for where I'd dropped him on the floor! I felt like I was going loopy and the lack of sleep was a killer. I wouldn't have been able to put him in his cot without the movement monitor (too scared about SIDS) but it's been brilliant. As a previous poster said, the alarm has only gone off when we forget to switch it off! It is a bit expensive but I think it is WELL worth the money.

So sorry about your brother.

Thank you everyone for your advice and sharing your experiences. Enimod thank you that's so kind of you offering to lend me your monitor, i think my DD would pull it off and probably try and eat it to be honest! I will speak to my health visitor about lending one, if they have that scheme in leeds. I have not heard of the Nanny monitors, i get the idea that the Angelcare ones are the best. Does anyone know if you can hear the baby's breathing continuously with it too? And is the parent unit portable? I definitely think it's worth the expense. My main worries about them are false alarms (i still get flash backs of the beeping and the long beep in hospital before i was rushed off to have a C-section) and becoming too reliant on it.

We've got the angelcare one and are glad we did - has saved so much going in and checking on DD, helping us all sleep better. I'd second everyhting angel1976 said about it - we also have a cot bed and only once ever had a false alarm (in 10 months) - DD was right up at the end of the cot, I think leaning on the end rather than the mattress), but she moves around a lot, often to the very ends and that it the only time it went off. It doesn also go off if we forget toswitch it off when we take DD out, but obviously usually holding an awake DD then so no panic - maybe just make sure you DH tells you if he is getting DD out.

We always have the sound set to only come on if there is a noise in the room, so can't hear her breathing - You can switch it on constantly I think, but I think you would have to have it ridiculously close, to do that, and even then i don't think it would always work - I can't always hear DD breathing if I am next to her! But the idea is you shouldn; need to hear her!

The parent unit is portable. As for becoming too relient - we don't use it with the travel cot when going to visit relatives as not a stable enough base, and I manage not to worry too much, although I think it sounds like you are more worried than I was anyway, so I suppose you may get quite relient.

Whoops - just remembered you said you were co-sleeping - never done this (partly because i thought it was a SIDs risk, although since coming on here I know a lot do it) so not sure how the monitor would work with that - a bed is a lot bigger than a cot, and obviously no use in the night because you would be breathing too!

It does sound like your anxirty is bordering on paranoia and affecting your life, so perhaps you should speak to someone about it. I can understand why - but be reassured that the SIDs risk drops significantly after 6 months, so you are getting there!

No advice just wanted to say I sympathise. My sister died when she was 16 (not in her sleep, but very suddenly, she drowned). Now I have a 9mo daughter and I'm painfully aware each day of how much I have to lose and how easily and suddenly it all can be lost. Can barely bring myself to talk of the future with her as it does not seem like a given. I envy others who can't imagine or fathom such a loss, for them it's merely a concept but for some of us it's very real and very imaginable.

I have got better on the checking-her-while-she's-sleeping front (was always checking in the early days) but my god I can see why this is where your issues lie, given the circumstances. I'm sure I'll be the same when dd ever goes near open water.

Just wanted to say I understand. I am sure you will find your way through this. Be kind to yourself.

Oh and I am so sorry for the loss of your brother, and you *zombieee". It is really bloody awful.

I really struggled with anxiety and kept my daughter in with us until 8 months then she moved into her room. Literally two metres away (our house is mini). I have let me anxieties about cot death spoil my first few months with my first baby, I worried all night, I had paranoid dreams like you. I co-slept as I felt safer that way (had fully baby proofed the bed and read up on it and very much enjoyed it) and the wrench of her leaving our bed was hard on her and harder still on me.
But BUT now, now the fog has lifted and I have finally relaxed it makes her a happier baby. I wanted a breathing monitor but didn't get one as intellectually I knew that the problem lay with me. My LO was huge, healthy (like yours!) and we are also healthy, non smokers etc it was very low risk. It was me with the issue. Me that was having trouble sleeping (now I look back on it)
You need to try to get a handle on your worrying, I know as I have been a lifer. If I am not worrying about something I worry that I should be worried. I am so so sorry about your brother, no wonder its on your mind. But please try to relax and ENJOY your baby. Enjoy her sleeping - it where they get to process their day and is a happy time for babies. Sleep is good, let your baby enjoy it and relax.

Our mattress motion monitor is the tommee tippee one which does not let us hear the breaths (but as someone pointed out you can't always hear them even if you stand right next to the baby) However, you can put it on 'clicking' so it clicks whent here is a breath. I would say however that we do get feedback on it which is a quiet whine - I've learnt to tune it out. We also hear someone's baby up the road when we turn off DS's bit but forget to turn ff the parent unit. Doesn't happen when we are using it properly though.

We have the Tommee Tippee one too, had one for DD1 which we used up until she went into a bed (could escape and set it off by getting up - rather a rude awakening for us !!) and got a second for DD2 (now 2.2 months) whose we are still using.

HAven't had any false alarms apart from forgetting to turn it off when picking little'uns up ! Sure I saw them in Argo for about £40 the other week.....

I used the angelcare monitor with DS until very recently. He's just turned 2
It is great for reducing anxiety. I was convinced ds would just stop breathing if I couldn't be constantly sure he was breathing. This monitor was a sanity saver.

YOu have to think whether it would make you worry less or more IYSWIM.

My DSis died of SIDS (aged 5mo), and my Mum has always been active in supporting FSID. Therefore SIDS has always been uppermost in mind. However I do have slightly obsessive tendencies (mild OCD), so was worried that a breathing monitor would make me more anxious.

AFter much agonising, I just went with the normal monitor, but always had it on full (in the night until DCs were 18mo) and in the day for the nap until DD was 2 (DS is 19mo and I still use it for his nap).
I think this was the right decision for me.

Mammainlove- I haven't used a breathing monitor as I have had mega anxiety and I knew it would make it worse (didn't stop me virtually supergluing the sound monitor to my ear though...), but you must do what helps you. I went to talk to my GP about my anxiety, who diagnosed mild PND and has put me on some anti-d's which have helped soo much. I can now happily have the monitor off if DS is within crying earshot (although he is older at 7.5 months). So if the movement monitor doesn't help, maybe have a word to your GP? hope itsnot necessary for you though. My sister died when she was in her early 20s and although it was not sleep related (a traffic accident) her death definitely was a major factor in my anxiety. Sorry about your brother, and to all those others on this thread who have lost siblings. So sad.