Advice needed - Why wont my daughter go to sleep!!!

[mum2RandR]

Hi, I haven't been on mumsnet for a while but I am completely out of ideas on how to get DD to sleep, so am seeking your advice!
She will be 3 next month and from 2 weeks old up until 8 months she slept from 7-7, in her cot having gone to sleep by herself. (I know, I was very lucky!).

Think she stopped mainly due to teething and I have been sitting with her, singing to her, rubbing her head etc for the last 2 years and its just getting ridiculous. On a good day she takes 15-20 mins to go to sleep, other days its an hour, sometimes more. She sleeps then until the early hours and then gets in my bed until morning.

I know that she only does this because when she went to sleep I was there so she can't go back to sleep without me, so Im trying to get her used to going to sleep without me there, but its very hard.

Have tried using a star chart and just generally encouraging her but she just wants me to stay with her. I left her tonight and she screamed until she was almost sick but she did go to sleep with me sitting away from her bed and not next to her like usual, so I suppose thats a first for a long time.

If your still with me after this long message (thanks!) then I suppose Im just wondering if anyone else has any ideas I can try, hate seeing her get so upset. I have left it so long to try because basically she is an absolute angel where everything else is concerned and she is a very easy child to be with, so I feel awful seeing her so upset before she goes to bed. It seems so unfair!

Thanks for any advice you can give me x

yes that gradual leaving thing works, Dr Tanya Byron i think has good advice on it. and sounds harsh but so what if she was sick, clean her up and don't speak, no eye contact, she's doing it to get attention. you had said it yourself 'you hate seeing her so upset' but she is totally playing you!

it takes many nights to get it done, but at 3 she is defo old enough to stop this sort of behaviour. No eye contact no words, just be there and ignore her. She will then learn you are there for her but won't acknowledge any stupid bedtime hassle.

Maybe try cracking one issue at a time, first the bedtime thing then the morning thing.

You are not hurting her doing this, it will work and you will ALL be better for it.

try telling her you have to just go and do X and will check her in 5 mins 10 mins 20 mins etc and do the checks.

I do this with dd as I had hell with the sitting on the floor etc, not talking, dd was totaly distressed every night and would keep the hysterics going for hours sometimes from 7pm to past midnight and i just couldnt maintain it with hout going loopy, one eve I had to get out of the room or I would have snapped and hit her or worse, so I said. Look mummy has got to go and get a drink ill be back in 20 mins and she was silent and asleep when i got back. The following night I said mummy has to do the ironing im not staying ill be back in 20 mins. she made a little fuss up and down and took her back a few times but gave her a kiss and promised id be back but only if she was quite. It has worked well ever since and now i only need to do the one 20 min check and she is asleep soon after.

good luck I know how it feels.