POsted again with paragraphs to make easier to read. Please can anyone offer advice?
My son is almost 2 1/2 and normally goes off to sleep very happily and quickly and sleeps well all night (early waker but that's another story.) He dropped his lunchtime nap recently but still going to bed happily at bedtime until about a week ago.
He had a cold so couldn't suck his thumb properly and didn't fall alseep as quickly as usual and so started running out of his room crying. Cold gone now and a week later but he is still crying and running out of bed as soon as he's in there, in fact starting to cry as soon as we talk about going to bed.
We tried just putting him back to bed each time and leaving the room again but 90 mins later he was still diong it and getting up literally the minute we moved away from the bed.
So we tried staying in there with him while he dropped off which was fine for a couple of nights but then he was getting so anxious about us leaving that it was taking him longer and longer to fall asleep.
He was also waking and crying in the night and needing one of us to stay in there then too, again taking longer and longer each time to get back to sleep.
He's had a couple of these phases before and we've ended up doing controlled crying with small gaps between each reassurance after a few nights of staying with him as we felt the longer and longer periods it was taking him to fall asleep each time were no good for him or us! both previous times it has just taken one night of this to sort out.
However, this is the first time since he's been in a bed. On Saturday after he'd taken 90 mins to drop off with my husband in there and then had me in there 3 times in the night for an hour each time we decided to try cc again. His door handle is stiff, we don't usually shut it properly but can do in a way that he can't open it (unintentional, just old crappy house). So from Sunday we've been properly shutting the door after tucking him in and letting him cry, going back in after 5 miinutes a few times, then 10 a few times until he falls asleep - usually the wrong way round on his bed and we put him in properly when he's fast asleep.
However, 3 nights of this so far and its' taking longer each night, not getting any better and he seems to be more and more distressed (and still waking in the night, too).
I hate letting him cry anyway but can't see another viable option and in the past has seemed worth it as it's quickly got him back to a happier place where he isn't distressed every bed time and upon waking in the night. I'm just terrified that we're making him more and more traumatised about bedtime, rather than curing him of it but really don't know what else to do.
I'd happily stay with him while he dropped off every night but really not feasible (or good for him) when it's makig him so anxious that he's not actually falling asleep and then waking so many times at night as well. And jut taking him back to bed each time didn't work either, he got increasinly distressed through the 90 mins and was getting out of bed faster each time, not gteting better.
Sorry about the essay, I am really at my wits end about this, starting to dread nighttime and spend most of the evening crying along with him! (it only takes about half an hour for him to fall asleep but I can't bear to think of him so distressed night after night). We have a great bedtime routine, bath with his sister, milk and stories etc so no problem there.
Any advice would be very very very gratefully received.