sleeping - frustrated!

[ScaredNewMum]

I am a first time mom to a two month old baby girl and desperately seeking advice.

I am struggling to establish a sleeping routine for my baby. She'll occasionally sleep through the night for 8 - 9 hours and other times will sleep for 5 hours then wake up for a feed then only sleep for 2 hours. She refuses to take naps during the day. After a feed she'll start to fall asleep but as I move to put her in her bed she'll wake up. I've tried rocking and walking and patting her to sleep but as soon as she's in her bed (or her pram/my bed/ any other place in the house) she'll wake up. She'll get extremely cranky during the day and will get very, very fussy.

This is really taking its toll on me as I am alone the whole day and I can never have even one hour to myself, can't take a bath. The first proper meal I have during the day is dinner.

I have tried lullabies, white noise and swaddling. None of it works. I can't bring myself to let her cry herself to sleep (the longest i've gone was 3 minutes).

I have bought countless books advising on how to establish a routine but none works - they explain what baby's sleepy signals are and when they''re over stimulated and to put baby to bed as soon as she starts showing these signs, but it just doesn't work.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated as I'm at my wits end and completely frustrated

Hi SNM - congrats on your baby!

It's tough, the sleep thing, isn't it?

It sounds like her night-time sleep isn't too bad for her age - certainly, she does far longer stretches than my DD did at that stage (and indeed does at 9 months)

Re naps: yes, they can be tough. At that age, she may not be able to stay awake contentedly for more than 45mins at a time, so you could try putting her down to sleep before the sleepy signs start.

I'm afraid it's very common for babies at that age to refuse to be put down for naps. My DD would sleep when worn in a wrap sling and we also did loads of pram rocking which worked with patience. Do you have a sling? A Kari-Me or an Ergo would be worth considering (not a Baby Bjorn, they aren't very comfortable). You usually have to keep moving for the baby to sleep in them, but at least you have your hands free, so you can get a surprising amount of stuff done.

Also, have you tried a bouncy/rocking chair? Works brilliantly on some babies. Don't buy before you've tested out whether it works on yours, though! See if you can borrow one.

Don't worry about establishing a routine just yet - you'll soon find as you get to know your baby's needs that things will settle into a pattern that suit her. Trying to make them settle into a pattern that suits you can be too stressful, try to go with the flow.

Can someone else help for an hour or so every so often? Just to hold her while you have a bath, etc? Do you have any family, friends or DP who will cook for you (get a bunch of portioned out meals in the freezer - it's a godsend when you can't put the LO down).

Also, have you tried Dr Karp's 5S baby-soothing technique? Look it up on Youtube for details - especially the extract from Richard and Judy. It really does work.

And no, you're right not to let your LO cry herself to sleep. She's too tiny for that.

The good news is THIS TOO SHALL PASS!! My DD was very like yours, but eventually, she did allow me to put her down to nap - albeit in the pram (we've only just started tentatively using the cot...).

HTH!

when my daughter was born she was similar, I found what worked for me by accident. my daughter would be a little sick after a feed and i took to having a hand towel on my body when feeding her and it would be over my shoulder when i carried her. I let her fall asleep on me as it was the only way for her to sleep after a feed, like you moving woke her and then she wouldn't go down. then after a week or so i tried putting her down and she had her face resting on the towel and after a little gripe she slept. the hv thought it had got my smell and she associated with me and sleep. I would let her sleep on me some days and put her down others and eventually I could put her down every time. But it is stressful, and I couldn't let mine cry either. have you got a friend who could sit with the baby while you had a bath? Hopefully it will get better soon.