Desperate to get just one child to sleep

[ParrotandBubbles]

I have two children neither of whom have ever slept through the night and I am exhausted. Both have suddenly started getting worse too.

My youngest is 8 months - she was tounge tied at birth so for the first month until the op she just feed and never slept. After the op she settled down to feeding 3 - 4 times a night. Last month she started feeding 6 - 8 times a night and all evening meaning I literally don't get an hour away from the kids. I co-sleep and she is refusing all atempts at solids/formula milk.

My eldest is 2 and i have co-slept with her since birth without too many problems. She fed twice a night until 18 months when I force weaned her as I couldn't cope with feeding a toddler and a tounge tied baby. The forced weaning was the worst thing I ever did and I feel incredabily guilty as it was from then that the sleep problems started. She had been sleeping in her own bed but moved back into mine. Currently, I put her to bed in her own room at about 7-30 p.m. and she sobs herself to sleep. She wakes up and comes through to my room at 11 p.m. She used to be happy sleeping next to me but know I have to hold onto her or she won't sleep. This means that everytime I feed the baby, the toddler wakes up and cries. And as I said I'm feeding 6/8 times a night.

Neither sleep properly during the day - the baby cat naps on the move and the toddler stays awake. The toddler is beyond exhausted, she is always grumpy, always falling over and is a very poor eater as she is too tired to eat. Baby is also grumpy -crying if i take her out of the sling so i just end up keeping her in the sling most of the day which means nothing gets done.

I am tired, grunpy and cannot cope with either of them. I doubt anyone will have read this far - if you have thanks! Is there anything I can do?

Firstly, my sympathies, you must be exhausted. Secondly, do you have anybody who can help you out with this? you don't mention whether you have a husband/partner around? do you live close by to family?

Just wondering if you can enlist somebody to help you sort bedtime out, then work from there? - you say DD1 cries to sleep - is this on her own, or are you with her? what's your bedtime routine like with her, or is this when you're stuck feeding? can somebody take care of DD2 as soon as you've fed her around this time, so you can give DD1 your whole attention during her bedtime?

Sorry, I'm not offering a great big solution here, but I feel there's a few things going on for you and you need a break yourself too, to help you sort things out. And please please don't feel guilty about stopping feeding DD1 at 18 months, you did what you had to do to survive - even if you feel it's made things worse at the moment, a lot of toddlers go backwards with sleep at 18 months.

Can you introduce a routine, just a rough one, so you have a bit of structure and can sort out sleep.

Something like:
wake at 7am, breakfast, little one naps at 9am if at home.
11.30/12 lunch for both, milk then nap at 12.30/1pm for little one. Quiet time for older one - reading in her room or something.

2/3 pm snacks, milk

4pm, cat nap for little one. Quiet time for older one.

5pm, tea

6pm, bedtime routine, bed for 7.

If you sit your younger DD down for meals with your older girl and eat yourself, she's more likely to have a go. Keep the meals short and high calorie.

As for night time, could your DD be feeling left out hence the bedtime tears? Can you put her to bed earlier to give more time to settle and introduce a new routine?

Had a another awful night - thanks for the suggestions so far. Yes I am a lone parent and while my parents are fantastic they work and live a 45 minute drive away so prefer to look after the kids during the day at the weekend. I moved here in June so I don't have any close friends I could ask.

I have a very structured routine (it feels like im in groundhog day sometimes) as my tot is very senstive and gets distressed at any change of routine. Our routine is roughly -
7 am wake up
7.30 am breakfast
7.30 - 8 tot watches TV while I feed and dress baby
8 - 9 Housework
9 - 12 Structured Group
12 - 1 Quiet time while i prep lunch (neither sleep and both usually sob but i try to insit on this)
1 - Lunch
2 - 3 Out (Park/Beach if fine, library/shops/museum is wet)
3 - 5 Play time
5 Tea time
6 Bath time and bed

At bedtime, I put the baby in her cot and leave her to cry for 30 mins while I read the toddler stories and have a cuddle. I leave the toddler to cry and go back to the baby. I alternate this for 30 mins crying sessions until one has gone to sleep.

I couldn't feed all of us together as my tot refuses to spoon feed herself (regression caused by relationship breakdown). There is no way I can spoon feed two children and myself! I do feed the children together giving the baby finger foods while i feed the toddler then feeding the baby.

I guess there isn't a solution! Thanks for ths sympathy :-)

Do they have any snacks morning and afternoon?

At bedtime can you bring the baby with you when you read to the toddler? Or put on a light show to keep her entertained? Do you know why baby is crying? Is she overtired or hungry?

I know we don't normally mention her, but if you google toddler and baby routines, Gina Ford has suggestions for a bedtime routine which might be worth trying.

You could pretend to eat - so give the toddler food from your plate?

here's a link - if you scroll to the bottom, you can see the bedtime routine suggestion.

I'm really sorry you are going through this, it could have been me writing that post and I am sending you a big hug and all my sympathy. I do have a dh but at night time the children only want me.
My solution is that we all go to bed at around 8, I feed the baby on one side and cuddle the toddler on the other then we all fall asleep! Absoloutely crap and no life but it works for now.
I do find having an i phone has changedy life as I can now do on line shopping and banking whilst 2 children are clamped to mr.
I am sure other people will be horrified by all this but I keep telling myself it will pass and normal (any form of) life will resume eventually!