Please help! 8 yo DD can't fall asleep

[babypowder]

DD is a bright, popular, reasonably confident 8 year old girl. She had real problems sleeping as a young child - she regularly had nightmares and night terrors, but she seems to have grown out of these. For the last couple of years she has been sleeping well.

Since July, everything has changed. At least 3 nights every week she finds it impossible to fall asleep. This really upsets her, making it more difficult to fall asleep. The only thing that settles her is if I go into bed with her, but even then it can be midnight before she drifts off. We've talked about relaxation techniques, and I tell her not to worry about not sleeping, just to turn on her bedside light and read. Nothing seems to be working.

Nothing about her routine has changed. She goes to bed at 8:00 every night. She's very clear that she's not worrying about anything, and she's happy at school. She eats a normal, balanced diet.

I have CFS, and my health is suffering from lack of sleep. She must be exhausted. My DH is at his wits' end, and DD2 is carrying on as a normal 3 year old! I want to make it all better for DD1, but seem to have reached the end of my resources on this one!

Any ideas what we can do differently?

She does have a proper bedtime routine. No telly after 7:00, bathtime, bedtime. The only day that's different is Monday night because Brownies finishes at 8, so it's home, drink of water and bed.

She's doing this at least 3 nights a week - usually consecutive and then she falls into exhausted sleep after a 'spell'. Some weeks it's 5 or 6 nights.

She's not frightened, although I think she's anxious about not sleeping. We try not to make a big deal of it, and encourage her to read herself to sleep if she really can't sleep. (That's what her Dad and I do, so she sees that as an example).

Can you give her a CD player or MP3 player for her room with some taped stories to listen to? If her mind is semi-occupied with listening to those then very often the sleep part of the brain will just kick in of its own accord.

I feel for her -and you- I have been a 'troubled sleeper' for 30 years or so, so I know how awful it feels to lie therre waiting for sleep only to have it elude you.

Other things that I try sometimes are : changing sleep position. I have slept upside down in the bed; rolled myself up in the duvet like a sausage roll; propped myself up on pillows so I'm almost sitting up. Also try lavender oil on a hanky near her bed or on her pillowcase, or a lavender-filled bran pillow.

If she's anxious about something, give her a notebook and pen and encourage her to write down her worries. This sometimes helps to clear the mind.

Warm milk also quite effective.

If it's just that she's anxious about not sleeping, (and this is actually the hardest one to overome but doable with practice) get her to tell herslef that it doesn't matter if she doesn't sleep tonight, she surely will tomorrow (or the next night or whatever). If she has a clock in her room, consider taking it out or at least turn it away from view shilst she's in bed. There is nothing more soul-destroying than watching the minutes/hours tick away, getting more wound up as you think 'If I get to sleep now I'll have 7 hours/6 hours/5 hours' and so on.

6-yo DD1 has nights like this too - we get a run of about 2-3 nights, then it all seems to work itself out. We go with reading to sleep too. Another thing to try is classical music rather than story tapes - DD1 says sometimes the music is more soporific than a story. She has the Classic FM lullaby CD but there's loads of them if you search on Amazon.

The thing about story CDs that might help is that they stop you thinking about going to sleep, iyswim? I listen to the radio or iplayer if i can't sleep, and always fall asleep if there's something I really want to hear.

I use audiobooks to get to sleep - means you can be lying with eyes closed in comfy position "ready" for sleep (can't do this reading a book) and means that your brain is "concentrating" on the story and not the fact that you're not asleep
HTH - poor DD. Insomnia is NOT fun.

Stephen Fry was the soundtrack to bed time for years! DD listened to Paddington (all of them) over and over again. I'm convinced that was what encouraged her to get into a good bedtime routine in the first place. But now she's really into her books, and would rather read to sleep than listen.

I could perhaps suggest finding an audiobook of a book she's read recently. Or the classical music (her grandmother is a concert violinist, so we have access to LOADS!) Got to be worth a try!

Thanks everyone.

Meant to say, she only stopped listening to Paddington in September, so it doesn't tie directly to the beginning of the sleep problems.

If she is concerned about not sleeping is it possible that this alone is causing the problem; would 1 or 2 nights of a sleep med type thing (over the counter type thing) help break the cycle. especially if she doesnt know she has taken it, so thinks that she is just tired and needs to sleep. Just to re-establish a pattern.

Probably with reading to go to sleep is that it can actually keep the brain working and prevent sleep in some individuals. I am the sort of person that once starts reading at bedtime will read for hours and hours rather then being able to fall asleep after and hour or two if i hadnt started reading. Insomina truely stucks. So i hope that you can resolve it soon for her.

Story tapes backfired with my ds as he made himself stay awake to hear the end!
My ds,6, started not going to sleep at normal bedtime toward end of last summer term. I felt anxious about this (worried about him being tired next day) but he never was. My friend suggested just relaxing about as if you think you need to go to sleep, you get stressed then can't fall asleep. I started to let him go to bed an hour later ie. 8 ish instead of 7ish and now we don't have any worries. Sometimes he will sit in his room doing something quiet if he is not ready to fall asleep eg. draw a picture etc., but he is not allowed to come downstairs. He is always asleep before 8.30pm.