Very close to losing it...

[clearlycrystal74]

And really, really need some advice and/or reassurance that this is normal...

I have a 18 week old dd who is totally exhausted and will not go to sleep. While she has never been a great daytime sleeper we could at least be sure of a good, long nights sleep. Now she won't sleep during the day and the nights are getting shorter and shorter.

I really don't know what to do as I cannot do anything with her. I cannot go anywhere as she is exhausted and just shouts/cries. She won't play-just lays there and shouts/whines. I put her to bed as soon as she appears tired and she grunts/shouts/cries/screams and can/will keep that up for ages. I cannot just leave her to scream to exhaustion as to me that just sounds nasty. She will not be cuddled to sleep-it just seems to send her all hyper and boggle eyed. Actually any touching/physical contact seems to get her more wired rather than calm her down.

I am getting really, really frustrated and upset as I don't know what to do as she desparately needs to sleep and the constant crying/shouting/whinging is totally wearing me down. And now that she is getting no daytime sleep the nighttimes are getting really bad too whereas before at least I got a break AND I knew that she was getting a good nights sleep.

She is starting to go to sleep later and later (after screaming for ages) and waking up earlier and earlier. Also she is starting to stir during the night and while she is currently going back to sleep...

I don't know how much more of this I can take and quite honestly don't want to find out. Already in tears and it is only 9:30 AM.

oh you poor thing! sleep issues are horrible, really horrible!

I don't have any particular advice, I just didn't want to read your post and let it go unanswered.

Have you spoken to your HV? If you have a good one,he/she may be able to give you some advice or you could try ringing cry-sis, I believe they're very good but never rang them myself.

Am sure someone will be along in a mo with some good advice. Sorry I can't be more help.

Will she sleep in a buggy/car/swing ? Have you tried a dummy and/or some kind of comforter ?

We had similar issues with ds. It turned out he had an ear infection. Might be worth a trip to the HV/GP just to double check for anything underlying.

You have my sympathies

Hang in there. It is so so difficult when you are exhausted, frustrated and despererate. You are not alone. I've been there and it is like torture. You are doing the best thing to leave her to settle herself if you feel your tension rising to anger. Leave her, go and have a cry, or talk to us on here, check again after ten mins, repeat process, until something changes. Believe me this WILL NOT carry on forever and you will feel better soon.
hugs x

Poor, poor you.

Are you FF or BF? If the former, the first thing I would suggest is get someone else to look after your DD overnight for one night if this is in any way possible. Is there anyone who can help out?

Secondly, like others have said, get her checked out with a sympathetic GP for common probs, like ear infections. Has reflux ever been a problem? It can cause sleeping problems l ike this. Is she putting on weight ok? Is there any chance she could be hungry?

Have you tried baby ibuprofen or calpol? Does it make any difference to her ability to get to sleep?

Thirdly, do you have a partner who can support you? If so, could he take a few days off work to give you a break in the daytime, so you can go off and have a bit of time to yourself?

Lollipopshoes - My health visitor is bordering on useless. She actually told me that she would rather be a vet. From her "I'd rather have my hand up a cow's bottom than be a health visitor". Yup.

Tillyscoutsmom - She USED to sleep in the pram but no longer. Car sometimes. And swing no. She prefers her thumb to a dummy and does suck it - it's one way I know she is tired, when the thumb goes in. Had her checked by the doc not long ago and she is healthy.

Bundlebelly - Do you promise it won't last forever :)???

Narmada - She is formula fed. As far as I'm aware reflux has never been a problem. Up until a few days ago she was sleeping a bit during the day and great at night. She is putting on weight great - In fact my HV (!?) has suggested that I'm overfeeding (she has 5 bottles a day - 7AM, 11AM, 2:30PM, 6PM and sleepy 10:30 PM)as at the weigh in last week she jumped up off the growth curve after gaining almost a pound that week and having followed the curve so far - And there was nothing unusual about the amount that she ate that week.

Someone suggested that teething might have something to do with it - Any thoughts/comments? She is drooling like mad and tries to shove everything into her mouth.

I just don't know anymore...

Is it worth trying a dose of calpol ?? I know it sometimes feels like you are "drugging" them when you don't know for definite that something is wrong but obviously, they can't tell you and if it is teething, maybe the pain is making it difficult for her to fall asleep ?

I do promise! Wish I could tell you when though! Just know that this is the toughest bit and you are exhausted. Bound to feel crap and desperate. Nothing lasts forever and things will change.
I think it could definately be teething. My dd (with similar sleep probs) had her first tooth at four months. Everyone denied she was possibly teething until it actually popped out!

Agree with the previous poster about the calpol. It can't do any harm, and if she is in pain then it will help you all to give her something to soothe.

poor you she does sound miserable huh

i think in your position id ask GP for baby sedatives, they do prescribe them when things get awful, and you both need sleep

bypass the hv and speak to gp as you cant continue like this x

Will try the Calpol tonight and see how we get on. We have baby clinic tomorrow with the health visitor which I will attend for weighing after the funny blip last week - so I'll speak to her (fat lot of good it will do but...) then and also try to get a gp appointment. We'll see how the night goes..

Thanks so much everyone!

crystal

Have you tried white noise? When you say she doesn't like being touched it sounds quite like my dd, she gets really overstimulated so white noise and a darkened room really help her calm down and go to sleep.

I use this website

could it be teething?

my ds (2.9 yr) is a terrible sleeper - always has been. acceptance is the only way. and lolling on the couch with a cup of tea and breakfast telly.

a good pram that you can walk them round the block and then leave them in it when you get back has been my saviour. mine fell asleep instantly in a mountain buggy daily.

cut down on caffeine / spice / garlic in your diet if you are breastfeeding

babies not sleeping is completly normal - thats why there is so many books about it.
have you tried co sleeping?

Hello again

Gave her some Calpol last night but it's hard to tell if it helped or not as she was totally, totally exhausted from her day of shouting/crying/grunting/whinging that there was 1.5 squawks when her head hit the bed and she was out cold. She was a real mess with big, wide, freaky eyes with lines and bags underneath. Slept through to 6 AM so slightly less than 12 hours. But now the fun and games has commenced again.

By 8 AM she was tired again and ready for a nap. Put her to bed and now she's back screeching and shouting. Another day begins. I'm slightly less fraught today (for now) so that's good.

Sleepywombat - If it was reflux wouldn't it be something that is constant rather than just during the day. And... Up until this week we were managing to get some good daytime naps in - She's a baby that really needs a lot of sleep - and she was sleeping from about 6:30 PM to 7AM (w/sleepy feed). But OMG that overtired screaming for hours on end is bad, bad, bad. Whatever is wrong with dd you do have my total sympathy!!!!

Mamzelledupont - I have quite a collection of noises! White noise, vacuum cleaner, rain, waves... I haven't been able to use my ipod since she was 4 weeks old :(.

Kalo12 - I guess it could be teething but there has been no change in her mouth. A couple of little lumps appeared a few weeks ago and all is the same since. She is drooling up a storm (well more like a river) and frantically chews on anything. Very jealous re: the sleepin in the pram - that stopped for us weeks ago as she is WAY too interested in what's going on around her - all boggle eyes. Up until that point we did do quite a few miles! But surely the overtiredness is not normal - the screaming, crying, general misery, etc?

The effects of overtiredness were hideous for my dc's. Its such a ridiculous phenomenon. I'd spend half my life should shouting "For God's sake, you're tired, just GO TO SLEEP !!"

Have you got a sling ?? She would probably fight against it initially but I used to strap ds in very tightly, and almost bounce around the lounge with music on until he finally gave up screaming and went to sleep. My back hasn't recovered yet though !

Is there anyway you can drape a muslin or blanket over the buggy so she can't see what's going on ?

Would she go off if she was lying on your bed with you next to her ?

The teething thing could be relevant - both of mine have shown symptons for months and months before anything actually appeared (DS is 10 months today and still waiting for the first )

Hia, it's great that you both had a full nights sleep. Hope you make sure that you rest when she does, and don't worry about housework or anything like that. I think it sounds like teething pain, keep going with the calpol, or try the infant nurofen as it has anti-inflamitary stuff in it and seems to help mine.
From the other things that go on, not sleeping in the day, it might be that you have one of those super alert, interested in everything babies. Will probably be very intelligent one day (although I remember people saying that about mine and I just cried and said I would prefer that she was thick but would sleep!) Seriously as time goes by and she can control her environment more, manipulate toys, get about, communicate her needs more, she will be less frustrated and peaceful. Hope your day goes well, let us know.

Covering up the pram does work really well for some babies, try attaching a blanket to the hood (I used bulldog clips). You could also buy a "snooze shade", it's really handy although a muslin/blanket does work just as well and is free :)

Similarly, if using a sling, a muslin on top can work wonders as they can't see out and eventually get bored.

Have you thought about changing sleeping position? We ended up (in desperation) putting DS to sleep on his tummy and then flipping him over once he was properly asleep. He just couldn't settle on his back. This worked for a while but we eventually had to give in and put him on his tummy with a breathing monitor.

Good luck! I know the feeling, having had a non-sleeping baby only a few months ago(due to reflux) but it does get better! I didn't worry about creating bad habits at that age, just about finding something/anything that would work and once nap times were established I got stricter about getting DS to self-settle etc.

You poor thing. i had one exactly like this and for what it's worth he turned into a charming toddler :)

All good suggestions already, but just to add that I only felt an improvement when I hate in and spent a week getting him to sleep by whatever means necessary - car, walking miles in the pushchair, calpol, rocking, taking turns with DP to walk with her in the sling etc. Once the overtiredness starts to resolve then things improve.

Teething, IME, causes most pain weeks and weeks before the teeth come through. Try nelsons powders, or an amber necklace.

Agree with trying a sling.

Try to shorten the interval of awake time before trying for another nap. At that age, my DS would never have managed 6am - 8am awake without being overtired. Perhaps try for a nap 1-1.5 hours after waking in the morning - the morning 'contented awake time' is always the shortest for some reason.

The 4 month sleep regression may be having an effect too - most babies it affects their nights, but daytimes can go down the pan too.

Thanks for the support everyone. We've had an okay weekend AND another investigation of her mouth has shown that there are a whole load of additional little lumps so it feels like a lot of teeth are coming through at once (noted your comment about teething pain ThatDamnDog). Poor little thing must be in agony with all that! So I'm bracing myself for a lot more screaming and misery.

And bundlebelly - you are spot on, I've got a very alert and inquisitive baby. She has been all boggle eyes from day 2 and totally skipped the sleepy, dopey newborn stage. And I do think there is also an element of frustration with not being able to control her environment as much as she'd like to - but that will come with time, hopefully! At the mother & baby group we go to I do look on a bit enviously as every other baby falls asleep quietly in their pram and dd is all bobbing head and wide eyed trying to keep up with the conversation and whatever else is going on.

Thanks again everyone.

18 weeks old = four months = classic sleep regression time. Which is probably little comfort, but once I realised that there wasn't a secret formula I could unlock to get my child to sleep, it actually helped a bit.

If she's teething as well - well, poor mite! And poor you. But I promise that even if you never figure out the solution, it will get better soon. Four months is hell. The good news is, the next regression isn't till 9 months, so you'll have some time to recover.

Tortures - I haven't heard of this sleep regression - will get googling :)

The best book I ever bought was 'teach your child to sleep'. Published by Hamlyn and written by the Millpond Clinic.

It is very informative and factual and does not just suggest 1 method of helping.

DS1 sounds just like you lo. I spend a lot of time teaching him how to sleep and had to put in a lot of effort. It all worked in the end and eventually he was having two 1 1/2 hour naps and sleeping 12 hours!

There are so many sleep books out there and I have read many. I used to get them from the library and read them whilst trying to get him to sleep!

Good luck