I am sick of going to bed at 8pm because....

[LittlebearH]

My 8 month old DD wakes 6-10 times a night. Am I the only one??? Feel like I have no life!!

Oh honey what a nightmare for you. I was thinking about you this morning. Is so horrid when all day everyday is about trying to get a reluctant child to sleep. Have you spoken to your HV or GP? It really sounds like you need some moral support. Don't beat yourself up about her falling out of bed, things happen, she's fine, not the end of the world.

If she does sleep at 4pm would moving bedtime back to 7.30/8pm be an option? My dd refuses to sleep at nursery and often falls asleep on the way home at 5ish - I tend to let her have 45mins and then wake her and send her to bed about 8pm, sometimes it takes a while for her to get to sleep but she gets there.

Are you getting out at all? I find that it really helps my mental wellbeing to get a day out from time to time, my youngest is not to bad a sleeper and I just let him crash out in the pram or sling and don't worry about it. DD I will try to walk around in her pushchair, but if she doesn't sleep we just ride it out and I figure she can catch up the next day. Somehow lack of sleep isn't such an awful thing if you are out and about doing something nice.

I was worried about going back to work because dd was still not sleeping and we never really established a good routine - I was tired, but I coped and actually found being at work more restful than at home, the change of scene and spending some time not worrying about her did me good, and she did eventually start to sleep and it did get better.

I take my hat off to all who have more than one child I really do. I dont know how you do it. Which is why I feel such a plank that I am struggling so badly. Wonderstuff thanks for your kind words of support. Got HV coming Wed. I just feel like I want someone to come in take control and fix her sleep and feed. Last 3 days dropped her 2.30pm bottle. She is down to 10oz a day. Thank god for solids. I am going for long walk now and attempt a baby group this morning at 10am. Find it a bit scary on my own as everyone will already know each other but will do DD good. Hopefully I will feel better.

Good luck at baby group, is scary, but you might make friends. She might be dropping milk because she is eating better, if she is gaining weight don't worry about how much milk she is drinking too much. Weaning is mega stressful, I was so worried about getting it right, I think you worry more when they don't sleep, I was stressing talking to my mum when I was weaning my first and she said you and your brother both sleep fine and eat well now (aged 30 and 28) it put it in perspective, she will get there (wherever there is)

And you are NOT a plank - raising children is really difficult and you have had a really rough ride, you are doing fine. It does get easier, promise.

Hi littlebear

My sympathies, my 5 month old also has an aversion to sleeping at the moment especially at night.

You seem to have a few different problems. You are obviously exhausted which makes you vulnerable to depression, unable to think clearly and very vulnerable to criticism.

Also ADs and especially valium can effect you emotionally and again your ability to think clearly.

It seems that your DP is not being at all supportive..... Asking if you hit her???? Also making you feel guilty because this is not the rose-tinted time he imagined.

Can he or someone else have her for a night or two so you can get some sleep? You would have to sleep somewhere else so you can guarantee being uniterupted. I have found it amazing what a difference one night of sleep makes!

I would really try to cut down/stop the valium if possible. How long have you been on ADs? They can take 6-8 weeks to work. Maybe the dose could be increased?

Do you have any friends or acquaintances you can arrange to meet for coffee etc? I also find ther big groups a bit intimidating but have found having just a couple of people I know I can meet each week a lifesaver. My favourite activity is swimming DS loves it, it tires him out and I have coffee with some other mums afterwards.

My other recent discovery is a leisure centre with a creche. I now go to a class twice a week and can leave DS in the creche. Maybe you could do something like yoga or thai chi to help with the anxiety or sometyhing sweaty - whatever you fancy! I paid for a course so even when I dont feel like going I do because of the money and always feel better afterwards.

I guess what I'm saying is to try and prioritise you a bit and make it a regular thing. Try to get out of the house every day and speak to the GP re the meds. Once you feel a little better I think you need to tackle your DPs attitude but I expect that would be difficult at the moment when you're so exhausted. I really do feel for you. Tiredness is the worst thing. Sorry for long post, hope there may some ideas that appeal.

Excellent advice from Ineedacoffee.

Have you been referred for counselling because your anxiety needs to be addressed.

Have you any family that can come and stay and help support you. My mum came and helped me get ds1 in a routine.

I cannot emphasise enough how much harder your first child is. I found ds1 infinitely hardeer than the twins that came next. It just is the case because you have to learn with your first. On top of that your dh isn't supporting you and you have had a horrific birth experience. Anyone in the world would find that tough to cope with.

Well done for coming on here and going to a group--you are trying really hard.
Go over in detail with your HV about how you feel and how dd sleeps. Also go to dr and ask for your medication to be reviewed and for counselling. My drs had short sessions of cbt therapy available and it sorted my anxiety over a few weeks along with the antidepressants. That was years ago now and I've never had to go back-I use the cbt techniques to quell the anxiety and I think it raised my self esteem.

Good luck.

Ineedacoffee thank you and defineme. I am in a right state, was so full of hope after going to baby club and a long walk to clear my head. Gave DD her lunch and put her in her cot and she fell asleep all by herself. Was thinking perhaps she will sleep from tiring herself at the baby club. This was at 12.46 and she woke 20 mins later. Have had 50 mins of trying to re settle her. She cried for 30 mins of it despite me stroking her. In the end I have had to get her up. I am terrified of the night ahead now as she is awful when overtired. Will nap her at 4pm to try and help but no doubt that will be wrong according to DP. Will have a chat with HV on Wed as I cannot cope with this. It is torturing me. I am so reluctant to leave her with anyone as she will nap badly and cant face a terrible night. Will see what happens tonight, if I am wrong..maybe will get my mum to help. Again thanks for support. xx

Littlebear - I think your problem is your 'D'P, not your baby.

You and your DD need a change of scenery, fresh air - you need to go out and about during the day.
Yes perhaps she will be more disturbed at night initially, but you will both benefit from developing a more flexible routine, and the sleep will come because she will be more stimulated, and more genuinely tired when it comes to bedtime.

I speak as the mother of a non-sleeper, the first time DS slept through he was over 2 years old so I know exactly the feelings of anxiety and desperation that you have.

Mental me again!! I know I should be posting this under feeding but you have all been so helpful. DD has dropped her 2.30pm milk for the 4th day in a row. She will be 8months tomorrow and weighs 16lb. She only drinks 5oz at 7am and 5oz before bed. She is weaned on stage 2 foods which she has 3 times a day. Is 10oz milk enough??

If she is happy and alert and gaining weight she is getting enough. I know it's hard but try not to worry to much about the fine details, some days they eat loads, some days they eat hardly anything. Trust that she will let you know if she is hungry.

Thank you WS. I will try not to worry. DD is asleep despite only sleeping for an hour and a half all day. Praying for a semi decent night. As I have been up since 3am and feel like shite, am going to get a couple of hours and DP is on duty till 10pm now. Baby group was not as scary as I thought today.

Have taken a lot of comfort in knowing it is not just me that has these problems. Before joing MN I felt like it was. Advice given has really helped.

Littlebear - is she having some water with her meals? I would try and make sure that she is, otherwise I would wonder whether some of her waking is because she is thirsty.

Don't worry too much about how much milk she is having - is she getting calcium in her foods? DS used to love chewing on a lump of cheese at that age :)

Thanks Alibaba -

Do give her cheesy things and weetabix with milk plus yoghurts. Water is hard I offer it to her after every few mouthfuls but she spits most of it out with a grin. This has been going on since I stopped BF a couple of moths back. I am lucky if she gets 1-2 oz down her. She is not constipated though. Will try lump of cheese - she might like that. :)

Don't worry about how much see is drinking of it - just give her a beaker/sippy cup with some water in at each mealtime. If she is thirsty then she'll drink a bit :)

Ah sympathetic ears at last!!! And not just more 'oh really, well mine slept through at 3 days old...' My ds is 5 months and up 4-5 times a night; ironically slept better at 2 months! I thought it was supposed to get easier? Sadly was similar with ds #1 but a bit better. Started sleep training and seems to be even worse so unsure if best to go back to serving as the human pacifier. Don't feel myself though, a real drain on things and hard to cover where needed with my older ds and dh. There really should be more support for this. Found a night nanny for 120 a night- ha!

Oremstango...think you are right. Only £120 a night?!! Shame no night nanny or miracle sleep trainer on NHS.

My mum says if I had been as hard as my DD, my little brother would never have come along. Before she didnt beleive in sleepless nights, thought it was down to mothers bad habits! How she has eaten her words!!!!

At the moment I am amazed that anyone has more than one child and in awe. I am not as strong as I thought I was.

Before mumsnet I had been feeling in adadequate due to sister in law with twins and a 4 yr old who all sleep 7pm to 7am and always have. :)

Second children much, much easier than first. You aren't racked with self-doubt and you ignore them a lot more because you're still working out what the hell to do with number one

Wonderstuff..Lol!

DD has just managed an hour and 20 mins lunch nap with only one re-settle!! Much better than the whole 25 mins she managed yesterday!! Am wondering if she would have gone longer but I fell asleep on the floor of her bedroom! :)

Yay my lo has managrd good naps today too, got an hours lie-in this morning and managed to make dinner (no laundry, washing up or other housework done, but hey can't do it all)