Calling co-sleepers - advice please (long)

[berolina]

We are co-sleeping with ds (will be 4 mo on 18th). It wasn't a conscious decision, but he didn't settle in his moses basket after the first couple of nights and I've found it really easy with the night bfs. I also really enjoy it tbh. At the beginning we used this in our bed to prevent him getting rolled on etc but stopped using it when he was just under 2 mo - I was never really comfortable with it safety-wise and putting him into it after bf (and settling him in it!) was actually as much effort as if we'd used the moses basket by his bed. Now he sleeps between us. Our bed is against a wall on one side and only 1.40m wide - we are all small so that's not really a problem atm - or possibly it is - I don't really know. Anyway, I'm very aware of safety issues but feel dh is less so. Last night he threw the corner of the duvet over ds's face in his sleep (luckily I was up and saw it), tonight I woke up and he was lying on his arm which was sort of hanging over ds - whether it was actually resting on him I don't know, but I'm worried it was and was pressing down on him. Now dh is a fantastic dad but very difficult to access over sleep safety isues - he is not really convinced of the necessity of babies sleeping on their backs (although he wouldn't actually lie him down on his stomach, he's not so bothered if ds has rolled on his side and complains if I turn him onto his back) and was rather aggressive tonight when I woke him and said he had to be more careful. He also has more trouble coming out of sleep than I do. All in all I'm unhappy with the situation and feel we have the following options:

1. We put ds next to the wall, with me on the other side of him. We would stuff the little gap with blankets etc. But isn't this dangerous (could he roll over and suffocate against the wall)? Or is it OK?
2. We start using a cot. We have been given a very old cot, but (says h) you wouldn't be able to take the one side off entirely, which I would like to do for bf ease; also I'm not really happy about using it as the bars are 9cm apart. (atm it's in the living room and we've pushed the one side down as far as it will go and use it for supervised play). So this would mean buying a new cot. I also don't really want to give up co-sleeping, although I suppose a cot where you could take one side off would be a sort of extension of our bed and so OK for night bf. I was hoping to avoid it though until we move (probably next March/April), as if we had to put a cot in next to our bed our bedroom would be very full indeed (with basically no room to move) and we would have to move a couple of other pieces of furniture. Have any of you solved similar dilemmas?

I had dd between me and the wall. I didn't have anything between her and the wall btw. A mother is more instinctive and aware of her baby. I slept much lighter than dh who used to do the same as your dh. I'd never have put dd between us as the quilt would pose far more problems for me.

I have done dd and ds (at seperate times!) between me and the end of the bed, we used one of the Tomy bed guards (left the tiny gap, never had a problem). If you are worried then maybe your ds between you and the wall would be better?

AFAIK, once they can roll over they are fine sleeping in different positions (with the best will in the world, you can't stay awake all night waiting to turn them back!!).

Good luck

What about getting a bed guard to go at your side of the bed if you are worried? You can always use it later on your DS first big bed in a couple of years time anyway.

Ooops - missed your post Clayhead.

I brought this when DS was about 3.5 months, to put alongside me, where he stayed untill six months when went into own room. We got it brand new from ebay for £150, and I love it. It is a good looking cot as well as being practical. bedside cot

He should be fine now he is 4mo. He will be getting more mobile, able to turn over etc. I managed because dh sleeps in his own room (he is insomniac and can't share a bed) so we had loads of room and a bed guard. When he was about 8mo he used to help himself during the night to a bf and wake me up with a jump

When he was really small I didn't use a quilt in case of suffocation, just thick pyjamas and a jumper for me and a grobag for him.

We had a bedside cot similar to that. Got it from Mothercare for about £150. We used it as a bedside cot when co-sleeping and then gradually moved DD into it from there.

Thanks.
I've found this on the internet (sorry the page is in German) and am thinking about getting it because it also looks like it'll fit better in our bedroom than a full-sized cot. It looks small, but the website says suitable until 12mo and ds is on the small side. Costs apparently about 170 euro. What does anyone think?

At four months, if there are no other cot death risks (you're bf, neither of you smoke, nobody's going to bed drunk, DS wasn't prem), I really wouldn't worry. Both our kids slept with us in the early days, and even under the duvet, I just kept my arm around them when they were small, to keep them from getting their faces under the duvet. By four months, if your DS is overheating, he should wake and notice.

Alternatively, a bed guard thing works - the one we have is made of mesh, so not a problem for overheating. That way, you can have DS on the outside, and feel more secure, at the same time. I used to put a bf pillow between DS (1 or 2) and the edge when he slept there.

Another alternative, my midwife showed me a trick - put a sheet over both of you, and tuck it in under the mattress, and under you on the other side. The baby can't fall out!

DS and DD have slept in with us and I always put them between me and the wall, with a pillow stuffed down to the height of the bed at the side, IYSWIM.

I always felt safer this way, and found that I could keep the duvet well away from the babe. However, we are now trying to get DD OUT of our bed, as she is 7 months and recently started waking up for BF every couple of hours!