Really feel I am going mad.... 10 month old and pregnant

[eth37]

My 10 mo old has always been an awful sleeper. We now have him in his own room, hoping this would help as less disturbances etc, but still wakes up normally 3-4-5 times a night, sometimes for 2-3 hours, of constant screaming. I am trying to cut out BFing, but usually around 4am, I give in and he ends up in our bed, BF to sleep, until 6ish. It is a nightmare. On top of that, I am pg, due in March, an emotional wreck and really struggling to keep a lid on it. Tried having DH go into him, but he gets stressed being so tired at work. I don't know what to do.

i am guessing the hours of screaming are a result of you refusing to breastfeed him tbh

persoanlly i would take the path of least resistance and just bf him when he wakes, and either settle him back in his cot, or co-sleep

he WILL stop waking so frequently eventually. get a copy of the no-cry sleep solution, has some excellent ways of stopping them feeding to sleep and self-settle

poor you :(

I have a 5 month old DD who has historically been a bad sleeper and can't imagine coping whilst pregnant too.

I see that you have 2 options to make your life more bearable. The first is to co-sleep, which means you can feed him without losing sleep, I did this til 8 days ago and you are ending up doing this anyway. i know that when I just accepted that we would co-sleep for a while, I felt much better than just ending up doing this at 3am feeling crap with myself.

The other is to tackle why he is waking and try to do something to change this. My DD was fed to sleep for 5 months, and would wake 5 times, is she settled at all, I never wanted to believe it was because of the boob association but looking back it must have been as DH has been putting her to bed for 8 days, using baby whiperers pick up/put down, and the most she wakes up is once, at 2am for a quick feed but then will go straight back in cot and settle herself.

If you decided to do this or something similar, we really planned it in, so DH knew was this weekend, it would be tough etc but he was committed to putting her to sleep in cot and going to her is she woke before midnight so we could settle without a feed. Would DH help if you discussed with him.....

good luck

i second getting your dh to help on friday & saturday nights, to get things started. it's too difficult to do this on your own.

i would let him bf between now and thursday, as soon as he wakes. note the patterns. then when he wakes friday, get dh to take him for 15 mins at the first waking only. then feed him. note the time. continue feeding him the rest of the night when he wakes up. all you're doing is pushing the first feeding back.

next night add 15 mins onto the time he woke the first night. dh takes him until that time. if he wakes later, make him wait 15 more mins. feed on demand rest of night.

doesn't take long, but he gets used to waiting for that feed and slowly gets pushed later and later into the night.

ime, it took us about 4 nights until dd1 was sleeping through. she had been waking 4 - 5 times a night and wouldn't settle without a bf.

good luck. must be bloody tough doing this while you're pg. which makes it even more important that your dh gives you a hand.

It's hard having a non sleeping baby. Being pregnant makes it a million times harder.

Is your DS getting enough food in the day? Perhaps he still needs a feed around 10/11pm at least.

Also your milk supply might be dropping or has dropped at this stage in your pregnancy. So your DS is getting more hungry hence the crying. You could supplement with formula or try and up your supply with herbal stuff (no idea if works).

Your DS could be teething - is he rubbing his gums/ears or biting in the day? My DS only wants feeding when he's like that.

It depends on yr attitude towards sleep training. If you want to get him going through the night you can but to do it quickly will involve crying. My Dd2 was waking every 3 hours for a BF. I was tired, ill and desperate.

DH hired a sleep trainer as I knew I couldn't do controlled crying without breaking. The trainer was lovely, reckoned she had never met an under 1 who she couldn't get sleeping for at least 11 straight hours in under a week. She slept in our house for 3 nights. There was crying but since then DD2 has been an amazing sleeper. She is happier, I am happier and importantly healthier. I see that trainer as the best gift our family could have had.

Thanks so much for replies.
We were co-sleeping until two months ago - the idea was, we had to stop co-sleeping before the new baby arrives, but to be honest it has not been easy. He now actually goes in his cot for the first part of the night which is progress. I thought if DH settled him in the night (which he does, mostly) he would see the lack of boob, and go back to sleep, but he just screams, for hours.
We have tried the baby whisperer and the no cry sleep solution, tried the gentle sleep solution last month but not much seems to work, although I haven't totally stopped BFing in the night.
I think you are right that my supply has dropped. I might just accept the co-sleeping, but am worried that come March, this will not be possible with a newborn too, and he might find it more stressful if co-sleeping is abandoned at the same time as the new arrival. Aaaargh, I never knew parenting could be so hard!! The new one had better be a sleeper!

You can cosleep until about 6 weeks before the new baby arrives (or by the time you're say 30 weeks just in case it's early)? I think that's how long you need to give it so he doesn't blame being moved on the new baby. Perhaps put him in his cot for first part of night, then bring in with you later.

If your supply drops significantly, you'll have to think about giving an alternative to get you some sleep!

please give my technique some thought - it worked on my 11 mo.

I might try that wart. My DS has just started waking for another feed at night

i know it is so so awful.

but just think - it'll probably take a few nights. this time next week you might be having a solid night's sleep! but you need your dh to get on board for the first couple of nights.

when you're up in the middle of the night, remember that you're not alone and that there are lots of other mothers that are in the same boat, giving you a virtual hug.

Thanks wart

Thanks warthog, I see what you mean. The thing is, I don't usually feed him until 5am or so, and DH does take him for a lot of night wakings until then. Last night we left him to see what happened (he wasn't screaming) and he actually got himself off back to sleep! For five minutes, but still... I tried to feed him to sleep at 5 this morning, but he was wide awake so we got up... Despite being up for a good couple of hours in the night. Grrrr!

Igglybuff that's interesting that it's only 6 weeks before the new baby arrives for him to not associate it. I am quite relieved to hear that!

We cut out the night feed for our 7mo once we were absolutely sure she was getting enough solids in the day. Wouldn't have felt comfortable before then. She was waking at least once for a feed, usually twice (and like you I'd stave her off til 3am at least, then cave in), then getting up early.

As others have said, if you are committed to cutting out the night feeding, you need to set a date (definitely at the weekend when dh can help) and stick to it- whatever method you choose. This helps you to feel/be more in control.

With our lo we soothed her when she woke, in her cot when poss, or if she cried a lot, used pick up/put down. We didn't do any controlled crying.

It took two nights. I never believed this when people told me, thought we would be in for weeks of hell. But two nights was all it took. Since then she sleeps for 10.5-11 hrs straight in the night, and settles herself. She also eats more solids in the day.

I'd second the recommendation for the No Cry Sleep Solution book. Ironically I bought it on the third day of night weaning (the night she slept through!) so haven't implemented it, but it looks great and crucially, doesn't take a hard line 'all babies must sleep through by 3 months old' approach, which made me feel less inadequate!

Good luck.