Tried and failed at controlled crying! Am I wuss?

[jinglesticks]

Well at dh's insistance we tried CC - he thought the 4 hour bf/singing/rocking sessions every night were wearing me out. After 3 nights of dd falling asleep after 15 mins of CC I gave in and decided I'd prefer the 4 hour struggle again! I felt ill all day knowing I would be leaving dd to cry (something I have never done in the 8m of her life)and I am sure it effected our relatiomnship in the day, she just didn't seem to trust me and cried whenever I left the room which she's never done before.

So, I was wondering if any other mums have tried and failed. Does it make me a wuss for giving in? Am I being paranoid that it effected DD so much? Is 8m too old to try it?

Also are there any alternatives? Is it either 4 hour struggle or crying or is there a middle way?

Thanks for any feedback

I think 15 minutes of crying before sleep is ok tbh
but if you'd rather spend four hours rockig cuddling and feeding do that instead
it's your baby your choice
as long as you don't want to leave her to have a night out that is

Sorry you've been through this. FWIW I reckon your instincts are spot on.

Yes she is probably a bit affected by what happened but it's probably reparable at this stage. Keep reassuring her, don't do it any more - trust your inner voice.

I don't think CC is a good thing, because it feels so wrong. I'm glad you stopped. No, you're not a wuss.

I haven't tried CC as I don't like the idea of it, so bear that in mind when reading this! I have been through the rocking/singing/bf to sleep and it is exhausting and time consuming and tying. But it does get better. Eventually. 8 months is around the beginning of separation anxiety and so your LO is likely to see sleep as a separation from you and may be anxious about it and I don't see how CC is going to help her with that. It sounds like your instincts are dead on, especially noticing the change the next day - and you haven't failed, you've just decided it's not for you and your LO at the moment. For the middle road, you could try Elizabeth Pantley's No-cry Sleep Solution. I found that really helpful for breaking the bf to sleep habit, which meant DP could do a bit of rocking/singing and I got some nights off! We still rocked and sang DS to sleep until 18 months - but he was an extreme case of a poor sleeper. I basically chose to wait until then as I wanted to put the effort into doing a good bedtime routine when I was very sure it was going to work and he now self-settles beautifully. Looking back, I reckon we could have tried sooner though. Go with what works for you for now and remember that, hard as it is, it won't last for ever. Good luck with whatever you decide.

well the last 2 nights i did the bf/rocking/singing and she seems to love me again! hurrah! And it has only taken an hour and half and I treasured every minute of it.

Yep I'm a wuss...

Nice it didn't take so long last night. You're not a wuss, you sound lovely. I'm biased. I manage to the count of 10 of crying. Occasionally I aim for 12 but can't handle it!.

You are no wuss.

Cuddling your baby feels right. You see the positive effects of this on your child.

Leaving your child to cry feels wrong. You see the negative effects of this on your child.

There's your answer.

You're not a wuss, you're being responsive to your baby and trusting your instincts. Things will change.

I think you've got to listen really really closely to the crying, is it fractured- 'at the end of my tether'- I'm so frazzled I don't know what to do crying that is (slowly) becoming less intense? If so then you've got a frazzled child who is trying (and needs) to go to sleep. Or does it have a folorn, escalating quality that sounds less like tired moaning and more fearful? If so you've got a child that, arguably, needs more comfort from you. It's horrible listening to your child cry especially if you're already given yourself a hard time for why you're doing it.

It's a bugger this one because you need a life too, you're not a machine and shouldn't feel guilty for trying things. FWIW I think the 'Baby Sense' and 'Toddler Sense' books are very sensible on over/under stimulation (have a look on Amazon).

You can still go out if your baby needs cuddling to sleep by the way, you just need a trusted babysitter who is happy to sit with them and try different things as needed. I was lucky in that I was able to leave DS with my mum or sister who he had a good relationship already. If you haven't got family nearby it might be worth asking a potential sitter to come round during the day and start to build a relationship with DD before you leave her.

A lot of people told me that I needed to leave DS to cry in a creche to get him used to separating - he would not calm down at all and since that experience was noticeably much more clingy and panicky. I tried it twice and he was distraught both times. I was lucky (again) in that my sister was able to go into the creche with him. After a while the creche workers suggested that we try him on his own. I was sceptical but my sister was right outside and could go in within 5 minutes if he was upset - but he was fine! From then on I was able to leave him and he would cry for 1 minute, but then be fine and I'd hear him laughing etc :) More recently he seems to have grasped the fact that I definitely come back, and is happy to be left, he even waves me off.

Hi I have a 4 and half week old and last night my husband tried to give me a couple of hours sleep. He tried the CC for an hour but of course i heard and had to come in!! Can't see how CC does much other than distress the child. Is it my son showing bad temper already? Are we trying to routine him too early? Any help greatly appreciated to get him to sleep before 11!!! Have the same concerns re what would a baby sitter do???

mamma 4 and a half weeks? Your baby is far far too tiny for CC. Your baby wants cuddling to sleep. It's not showing a bad temper - he just needs his mum. He could be hungry/have wind etc etc. He'll not know the difference between night and day yet.

At that age your baby is probably sleeping quite a lot in the day - take a nap when he does.

Jinglesticks and Mammakin - well done for sticking to your intincts. I'm so sorry you felt pressured into giving CC a go.

CC isn't recommended for babies under 12mo.

They don't have the ability to understand that you are only leaving temporarily and will come back (object permanence). This starts to develop towards the end of their fist year. Before then, if you are not there in their hearing or vision, it is as if you don't exist for them. So CC doesn't teach them anything meaningful under 12mo other than that they have been abandoned.

FWIW, by the time they do reach 12mo, they generally have the verbal and reasoning skills that, really, CC is no longer the only option anyway (you can probably tell that IMvery humbleO, it does more harm than good).

Jinglesticks - you say it is taking 4hours to get your DS to sleep. Is is possible he doesn't need as much sleep as you think? Could you try a later bed time?

Sorry I didn't reply to the OP! I'd suggest the 4 hour struggle might suggest baby is overtired? An earlier bedtime might help - what time are you trying?

Things seem to be improving - DD has sprouted a tooth and a runny nose so I bet that the last week she has been feeling rotten and crying for lots of reasons. Bedtime is down to an hour now. I feed her, lie on bed next to her reading and she goes to sleep quite quick. But she's started waking for a night feed again. a month ago she was sleeping through! I guess its juts teething/cold so I shall stick with it.

I just feel so much happier knowing that however bad it feels its nowhere near as bad as listening to her cry.

Mammakin - for what its worth my DD didnt start going to sleep "for the night" (!) before 12.30 am until about 13 weeks :)...At 4 weeks lots of them still dont have any concept of day and night or "bedtime"...And now at 16 weeks DD doesnt go the bed til 8.30 / 9 pm...