Am I being mad persevering with a routine for a 7wo??

[BettyButterknife]

I think I might be... DS2 seems to get very upset when he's tired, which led to some horrible meltdowns in the mornings when DH was leaving for work and we were trying to get DS1 ready for preschool.

2 or 3 weeks ago I decided to try to implement the baby whisperer routine for a newborn, which has really helped us. But now that DS2 is 7 weeks I find myself getting really het up about the naps - worrying he hasn't slept enough, trying to get him to go back to sleep when he wakes after 40 minutes, planning my days around his sleep.

I don't want to be like this. I was like this with DS1 and it made me crazy. How can I follow a semblance of a routine that will be of benefit to us all, without getting all anxious and freaked out when it doesn't work? Help??

At that age they are developing so quickly, so routines cannot be very rigid imho. Cut yourself and baby some slack, try to adapt and don't be so hard on yourself.

Just watch him like a hawk for signs of tiredness rather than look at the clock.I drove myself mad trying to get DS1 into a routine so am not bothering at all this time. Will just use my improved tiredness-spotting skills

Maybe try again when he's a bit older? DS didn't settle into a routine of any kind until nearer 12mo so I was really flogging a dead horse with him.

Interestingly, my SIL who had great success with routines last time has implemented an even stricter one much earlier this time and swears by it. I think it either suits your family or doesn't and there's no point doing it if it is causing you stress.

The daft thing is that a couple of weeks back I was waking him from naps because it seemed like he'd been sleeping too long, and yet this week his naps have been so short I've been panicking about that too. I obviously have a very narrow view of what is an acceptable nap length!

I guess I should think us lucky, as he does sleep well at night - down at 7pm, we dream feed at 10-11ish, then he wakes for one feed around 2-3am, then he sleeps till anywhere from 6-8am (possibly with a bit of grumbling from anytime around 4am onwards). So we're not doing badly in that sense.

What are your tiredness-spotting signs, hairymelons?

I suppose it's worth feeding at regular times (DS2 is ff) and trying to avoid feeding to sleep, but maybe I should just let him nap whenever he's tired and for however long he wants. God, it seems so obvious when you write it down!

Betty - your posts are reminding me of how I was when DS was very little (and I only have the one, so not the extra complications you have ).

Remember how DS1 was? What worked for you in managing your days then? Realistically, what of that can you do now?

My impression is that it's pretty normal to have your days dominated by what a 7wo is doing, even if it isn't your first...

Good luck!

Sorry, I was sort of joking about having skills- actually I was rubbish at spotting tiredness before DS got over tired But eye rubbing, ear pulling, throwing arms up a lot are all signs.

The nighttime sleep sounds great for a 7wo. Does he do that regardless of how the day goes?

Ok, so I really think I am going crazy...

DS2 woke at 7.30am, I fed him and then noticed him yawn around 8.30am. So I took him up, swaddled him, held him upright against my chest until he seemed sleepy, then put him in the cot. He slept for 45 minutes. I went up and popped his dummy in, stayed with my hand on his chest for 10 or 15 minutes as he stirred, then kept opening his eyes and then nodding off, (repeating this several times) until he was asleep.

DH has only now gone to wake him at half 11... So he slept for 45 minutes, then another hour and a half at least, probably more like 2. Everything in me wanted to wake him at 10.30 so that we could feed him and stick to the 3 hourly routine. But I made myself leave him alone, thinking he'd wake when he was hungry. But he didn't - hence DH waking him now.

He sleeps pretty much more or less the same at night, regardless of how he naps - the only difference is that if he's not napped well he'll wake 45 minutes after he's gone to sleep at 7pm and need settling, which usually doesn't take too much.

The other thing is that he's often not that hungry for a feed on the 3-hourly routine and I'm toying with the idea of trying a 4-hourly feed instead, although I don't want to mess with the night-time sleep as we're onto a winner there (for now).

Argh, you see? I'm a crazy person about this.

You're not a crazy person, figuring them out is the hardest bit, especially at this stage where they constantly move the goalposts and any changes you make could have disastrous nighttime consequences. It's a lot of pressure.

What would happen if you just fed him when he woke up hungry rather than on a schedule? Not suggesting you should btw, just wondering what the impact would be.

I think that babies have very clear personalities and individual needs from an early age which is why some respond well to the kind of routines set out in books and others do not.

Some people sleep more than others and babies are the same. Some sleep for 16 hours a day and others for 9.

If you have a tiny baby who isn't signalling his own routine and not responding well to your efforts to create one, then it may be less stressful for both of you to take a break and go with the flow for a while.

I should warn that I'm not a natural routine person and nor is DH. Inevitably, therefore nor is DD. However, we have had the least stressful parenting experience so far of anyone I know and DD is very happy and healthy.

You may find that a few months down the line, your son falls into his own natural routine. In the meantime, cut yourself some slack and relax about the schedules.