What is wrong with feeding to sleep?

[jmarm]

Would be interested to hear people's thoughts on this.

I feed my 20 week old DS to sleep. It was the only way to get him to go to sleep & now it works beautifully.

However, there is a nagging voice in my head saying that is a BAAAD thing to do.. All the books say put the baby down sleepy but awake - sounds perfect in theory but never works for me. But because of the general idea that feeding to sleep is bad I am now getting guilt feelings that I shouldn't be feeding him to sleep anymore.

My mum says I need to relax - she says babies grow out of everything & that he will be able to go to sleep on his own at some point!

Would be v interested to hear if others have breastfed to sleep and at what age your babies didn't need the boob to drop off!

I think this is a routine that loads of us end up doing by accident or desperation. If it works for your family, then there really is no need to worry.

I think the problems could come when they get older and they haven't learnt how to drop off to sleep alone. We found this out at about 9 months when the only thing that helped DS1 get off to sleep was walking him UP and DOWN and UP and DOWN and UP and DOWN his room. We walked friggin miles . The solution for us is a whole other thread but let's just say that we made more of an effort with DS2 to get him into a routine of self-settling.

Oh, and you live and learn don't ya?

I avoided it, and will try to again with this one. But, when pressed, i couldn't tell you what excactly would be wrong with this.

I think I have the idea that i wanted to be able to escape out of the house on occasion, and i didn't want to be prisoner to him, as 'the only way' to get him to sleep.

I didn't worry about uit when he was very little, as I firmly believe that you can't habit form when they are teeny tiny. But from about 4-5 months I used to feed him before taking him up to bed while he was awake.

I don't think there's a science to this though, and you should just do what suits you.

it's FINE imo and ime
your mum is right!

I BF DS to sleep till we stopped BF at around 18 months. Was not a problem to stop either - DP put him to bed for a few nights so he didn't expect BF.

My biggest learning from having DS was do what works for you- maximise everyone's sleep and minimise baby crying. I spent far too mamy nights locked in a battle of wills with DS trying to make him do things he didn't want to do (take a bottle, fall asleep alone, lie in his moses basket). Next time I'm going for an easier life of sling, feed to sleep and co sleeping!

Its a problem when older babies can't go to sleep or get back to sleep without being breastfed.

I have fed both of my DC to sleep. DS gave it up at around a year (didn't mean he slept through the night tho, despite everyone telling me that it would).

DD has hung on for longer with it, but now usually just has a token feed, then story and into her cot. She likes me or DH to sit with her until she drops off, but this doesn't usually take more than 10 mins or so. Oh, and she is 21 months.

my GP advised me that it is part of the appeal of breastmilk, that it has a sedative effect. I did it until DS was about, ooh, I can't remember now, somewhere between six months and a year, and then it stopped working and we had to teach him to settle. THAT took bloody ages!

Nothing wrong with it. I did it with ds1 until he stopped bf (over 2). He didn't need the boob to drop off, but liked it so much that when I'd say 'OK, bedtime!' he'd run upstairs and get himself undressed with a big smile. He'd be asleep 5 minutes later.

No bedtime trauma there.

When I decided I no longer wanted to bf (was pg and getting uncomfortable) he just went 'OK, milk for baby now. Cuddles for me.' snuggled up and went right to sleep. And that's still how he does it.

Fed DS to sleep. It took an awfully long time to get him to sleep without it - had moved to bottles by then so at least DH could do it too.

Whilst I didn't mind when he was a baby it became frustrating when he would wake in the night as a toddler and need to bottle to sleep, but not really want the milk. A few sucks and that would be it. Doing that twice at night at 18months was horrible for me.

When DD was newborn I spent ages worrying that I couldn't put her down awake, she always fell asleep feeding. I was convinced it was a 'rod for my own back' and all that, but TBH it wasn't all that difficult getting her out of the habit. I don't remember how old she was when we stopped it completely, must have been almost a year. First I stopped feeding her before her nap (happened quite naturally as she moved on to solids, she just needed a little encouragement to self-settle). At nights we changed the routine so that story and teeth was the last thing rather than the feed. But she still sometimes fed to sleep right up until I weaned her completely, it would depend how tired she was!

Nothing!

It's the most natural and normal thing in the world.

Don't trust the 'experts', trust your instincts!

Listen to your mum!
My DS feeds to sleep but I think it's because he's knackered as he's walking now (11 months) so can't stay awake. He can self settle fine and does so in the night - so he'll feed, but won't fall asleep until I put in the cot. He also wakes up, babbles then back to sleep in the night (unless he's dreaming!)

I'd keep trying to put your baby down when drowsy and soothe in the cot, for example by patting her bum/back. One day it will work!

It's perfectly natural for every baby to fall asleep while feeding. Waking the baby up to "teach him" is cruel and pointless. Some babies drop off easier, some need a bit of help regardless of what parents do. I kept breastfeeding my son till he was nearly 2 purely because it made naps a lot easier. At night he fell asleep without breast no problem since he was 1.5. I would happily breastfeed him to sleep a lot longer as it was a pleasure and made sleep time a breeze, but it simply stopped working.

It's only a problem if your baby gets distressed if you unlatch them to put them down to sleep and finds it impossible to self-settle and/or sleep without nipple in mouth.

I love feeding my DD to sleep, but at 7mo she was waking up every 2 hours or less - not because she was hungry, but because she needed my boob in her mouth to get back to sleep - and stay asleep.

Some people can happily co-sleep with a baby nibbling at their breast all night, but I'm afraid I can't, so I've been teaching DD to self-settle.

Results have been fast and it's involved a lot less crying and trauma than I thought it would.

If your LO feeds to sleep, but happily STAYS asleep (unless hungry, or needs extra comfort because of illness/teething etc.), then I wouldn't worry about it - enjoy!

Thank you all so much for your replies - I really enjoyed reading them.

Feeding to sleep works for us, we are very happy and if it means that he won't be able to go to sleep without the boob/self settle at a later date then I guess I will cross that bridge when I come to it.

My mum (who is delighted that people on MN said to listen to her!) also said when I was complaining that he couldn't go to sleep on his own "When you are trying to teach him to go to sleep on his own, why don't you teach him to feed himself, bathe himself, clothe himself, sleep through the night and bring you a cup of tea in the morning while you are at it!".

That made me laugh and put it all in perspective

Your mum sounds great!

Nothing wrong with it at all. If it works for you it's fine. I read a book with my first baby, ignored it and never looked at another. They all contradict each other if you read enough. Go with your instincts.

clever Mum :)

Nothing wrong with it at all if it works for you...

FWIW I always fed DS to sleep and he has now made the transition from boob to falling asleep on his own perfectly naturally and stress free (he's nearly 20mo). He does sleep longer stretches now but i was happy for him to do things in his own time.

would want to do same if I have another...

I still feed 23 mo DD to sleep. She's not still going to be doing it when she's 6, even now she tends to feed a bit then lie down quietly for a while before falling asleep- it's rare that she actually falls asleep on the boob now.

So I agree with your mum, she sounds very sensible! And as others have said, trust your instincts and ignore 'all the books' that have been written by people that have never met you or your DS.