HELP! Major sleep regression in 18mo

[LittlePickleHead]

I need practical advice on how to deal with this.

My 18 mo DD had slept through the night 7-7 (aside from a few odd nights) solidly for about 9 months.

I am currently working 1 day a week with DP caring for her on that day. However 3 weeks ago I did some holiday cover and she went to a CM. SHe was fine, aside from going to bed a little later (i.e. 8.30pm) but seemed to enjoy it.

However this past week I have been home again and day by day her sleep has got worse and worse, to the point where DP and I are getting very little.

Last night she went down fine, but woke at 10.30pm. We tried rocking her then putting her down, waiting for her to sleep then putting her down, sitting by the cot. All just resulted in hysterical crying every time she went in her cot. DP gave her some milk to try and settle her. At about 2am he came to bed, then when she started crying we left her for a bit. I went in and tried to settle her in her cot with the aim of coming back every 10 mins or so, but she just got so worked up she threw up everywhere :(

So we brought her into bed with us, which meant she slept but we had very little and I spent a lot of the night being kicked in the head.

DP has a very shaky job at the moment and is interviewing a lot, and I am increasing my hours so she will be in childcare 2 days a week from the end of the month. We need to get this sorted as we are not functioning on no sleep and are beginning to argue a lot.

I need advice on steps we can take to try and get her sleeping again. I know it's probably separation anxiety so I'm spending a lot of time playing with her, a really relaxing bedtime routine, but it's not working. I was thinking about trying cc but I'm not even sure how to do it properly.

Help!

Bump - anyone? Even if it's just to say you are going through the same?

Hi,

My ds is a little younger (15 months) and shares a room with his 3 year old sister, but I feel your pain. This may be just a bad patch for her (and you) or it may be that you need to do something about it.

If you think of cc as sleep training, it helps! It involves a sturdy bedtime routine, putting them in their cot, and returning to pat or just let them see you at intervals that you're comfortable with. There are lots of variations that may suit you and your dd. Part of the underlying thinking is that all the getting them out of their cot to settle them, feeding them in the night (and my goodness, I'm guilty as charged of this m'lud) is actually waking them up.

There's lots of info on the web etc.

Good luck.

It'll be the very common 18 month sleep regression, linked to a huge developmental spurt. More info here and here. and here.

During a developmental spurt / sleep regression is the worst possible time to attempt sleep training and it's unlikely to be successful. On the positive side, if she was a good sleeper before, she's likely to go back to being a good sleeper once she's past the developmental spurt.

Just a real quickie to say that we went through exactly the same at 18m. DD was the same as yours, 7 to 7 and 2 good naps each day, moved OK to 1 at about 16/17 mths I think, self-settled etc etc.

All went pear-shaped out of the blue at about 18m same as you describe.

Sorry to say it lasted about 3-4 weeks by which time I was a bit of a wreck but thanks to reassurance from lovely people here (inc AngelDog) I could hang in there and think that it would pass, regression rather than her previously 'perfect' routine being broken etc...

Anyway - I know this is no practical solution for how to fix it but all I can say in light of our experience is try to ride it out. Our DD went back to how she was, now napping and sleeping really well (maybe v slightly more disturbable if that is a real word?).

Just see how it goes, cuddle her, rock her, whatever you need to do - it took me hours to get DD to sleep some nights and I was so worried that I would be setting a terrible precedent but she just went back to being how she was before and ssttled fine.

I wish I had known it really would be OK in the end. I'm sure we will have more regressions at some point but think I will be more relaxed in the future, knowing that there is life after sleep regression!

Good luck - hope tonight is a bit better.

Thanks so much for the replies, sorry I've only just been able to log on.

It really does help to know it's normal and a developmental thing, but I am literally at the end of my tether and finding it so difficult keeping it together in the day. There just doesn't seem to be any way to get her back to sleep, she just gets more and more wide awake. I brought her into bed with us last night and she just fidgeted and kicked until eventually I put her in her cot and let her cry for about 10 minutes. That seemed to knacker her and then she did eventually sleep (with us) though I don't like having to do that.

I suppose I have been worried about setting a precendent with her coming into bed with us or the rocking, so your messages do give me faith that perhaps it doesn't matter. Just have to keep remembering that at 3 in the morning when I still haven't had any sleep...

Oh, and just to ask, did you carry on with life as normal or batten down the hatches so to speak? We are supposed to be staying with friends on Friday night and were really looking forward to it, but now I just don't think it's a good idea.

Oh and Angeldog forgot to say thank you for the links, she talks a lot of sense! There is something very comforting about seeing your situation exactly described on a page.

Hmmm, we carried on with life as normal but we weren't really doing anything very exciting at that point anyway.

I don't think that staying with your friends will make her sleep any better or worse, so it just depends on how you and your friends will handle it if she has a bad night. If you will be stressed/upset if she's up a lot and/or crying then maybe give it a miss; but if it's something you've been really looking forward to and have nice understanding friends who won't mind one night with a bit of distruption then go for it - maybe having a nice time with mates will make things look a bit sunnier anyway.

Cut yourself some slack either way - don't worry about housework/cooking/whatever when you are knackered during the day. If she will nap then have a snooze at the same time, otherwise maybe use CBeebies to give yourself 30 mins quiet time on the sofa.

It's amazing how much I can get done now that DD is napping and sleeping properly - house is clean, we're having proper food rather than ready meals, no overflowing ironing pile and I am getting work done too - made me realise how much everything ground to a halt for a few weeks as I was so tired.

Really sympathise anyway, I know how horrible and frustrating it is but really think if you can remember that it will pass at some point (hopefully sooner rather than later) then maybe it will be easier to deal with in the meantime.

Good luck!

I could really do with some support and a friendly ear at the moment.

It's getting worse and I am not keeping it together very well at all. In fact I'm worried I am sliding back into depression (and I have a feeling DP may be as well).

I'm OK in the day, keeping our routine and doing fun things with DD. But during the night I act completely irrationally and I am taking it out massively on DP. He is, understandably, getting very fed up with it. I am just so tired I am finding it really hard to stay sane during the 2+ hours DD is wide awake in the early hours.

Last night she woke at 9.30pm (straight back down) 10.45pm (down after about half an hour) 2.30am (didn't go back to sleep until 5.20am). At 3am after unsuccesfully rocking her, we tried to bring her into bed with us, which resulted in her fidgeting and kicking and poking for 2 hours. I then let her cry in her cot for 10 mins during which time she had escaped from her sleeping bag and was hysterical. She then fell asleep on me and I brought her into bed with us when we were all woken at 7am by DPs alarm.

Does anyone have any coping strategies? She is literally wide awake so any rocking or stroking or bringing into bed doesn't work.

We have tried splitting the night into shifts but it never seems to work out like that in the night (plus in our tiny flat you can hear her screaming no matter what).

Please help, I fear for my relationship with DP and also my mental health at the moment. I am acting like a lunatic :(

Okay it's been a week since you first posted, so you're a week further down the line towards being through this thing but I'm afraid you will still have a little way to go. Sorry. If it makes you feel better I haven't had a full night's sleep since DS was 11 weeks old and he's now 13 months. So I know sleep deprivation and I know you'll be okay for a week or too. Honestly. For now it helps to have zero expectations wrt your relationship with your partner and just explain that it's tiredness and when you're rested you will behave like a human being again. Last thing, could it be her final molars? Have you tried giving her calpol at the first waking and seeing if that helps? DS's cutting some teeth at the mo and wakes every four hours when the meds run out. Good luck.

so sorry to hear you're having such a tough time. Don't know if I can offer advice as we seem to be going through a similar thing with DS (13m) but just wanted to say you're not alone and hoped things are improving for you. With us its started since DS started at his CM 2 days a week. He is always very upset when he is dropped off though usually fine after a bit apparently. Until then he was a 7-6ish sleeper almost without fail even with the occasional lie in but the last couple of weeks he has woken most nights at odd hours and needs rocking or stroking or feeding. We even convinced ourselves it was teeth so we could give him calpol but not sure it was. All I can offer by way of advice is try not to snap at your DP and have bad feeling between you. You NEED to support each other regardless of work issues. Is there someone who might tale over for a night to allow you two to go somewhere else just to get one night good kip?

Hi LittlePickle, I've only just read this but just wanted to say we are going through the exact same thing at the moment with DD 18m. She had been a pretty good sleeper until now but for the last 2 weeks she's been waking at some point between 1-3am and is taking up to 2 hours to get back to sleep. My mental health and relationship are also suffering, I work 3 days a week at a university and this has coincided with the busiest time of year. I am a living wreck! What has helped a little bit is giving a dose of calpol in case it is teeth (not sure it is but does seem to help her stay asleep once she drops off again) and when I or DH goes in, keeping the room completely dark and rocking/cuddling DD until she stops crying. We then sit in the dark with her on our lap until she seems sleepy, put her back in her cot and then stay with our hand on her in the cot until she's asleep again. I think it's important to have no light and no stimulation when we go in - otherwise it suggests playtime. But most of all I just wanted to offer a friendly ear and sympathy from someone who's going through the same thing. Take care of yourself, let everything else go and get early nights until this passes.

I've just seen the most recent responses, thanks for replying guys.

I'm sorry to hear you are all sleep deprived as wellpoppet trixie and drcosy it really is tough!

DD is still not sleeping, and actually things started to get a little messed up when she started at CM. We have been partially co-sleeping and that has helped a little. She has started to go to bed without crying again, so that is an improvement, though still waking throughout the evening for a cuddle.

Last night she slept from 9pm until 5.30am which feels like a miracle at the moment!

Someone suggested to me perhaps time to move to a normal bed? We stayed at friends and put her in the middle of their double at bedtime, and she slept like a log all night (I joined her at 11pm).

It feels too young to me, but maybe there is something in that? Any opinions on whether this would help, or would we just be giving her license to run wild during the night!

Hi LittlePickleHead - I've just been through it all with my 20 month old. It does get better. Here's an article I read which really helped -

18 month sleep regression

Hi again LittlePickle, that's interesting about your big bed story. I don't think I could do it with my DD as she's not walking yet (probably due to an earlier hip problem) and I'd be too worried about her falling out. But do let us know how you get on if you try it.

Things have improved for us a bit in the last couple of days (though I've probably jinxed it now!) DD has slept to 5/5.30am which feels like heaven after the 1-3am wakings. Thank you Bippyhippy for the link. That has made me feel a bit better. I keep trying to keep the "this too shall pass" mantra in my head (which of course it will, it's just a matter of when) but it's hard at middle of the night o'clock.

Still thinking of you anyway LittlePickle, hope things are improving for you.

yes, "this too shall pass" - doesn't help when you're shattered though does it?! :o

Hi All. I was really interested to see this thread. DD is also 18 months and has started waking at night after being previously a good sleeper. She has had a handful of times where she has turned into a whirling dervish and been wider awake for hours but more often is just waking and crying and needs reassuring back to sleep. Completely agree about the earlier suggestions of no light and being very quiet. Also calpol is def helping her stay asleep iykwim. I am also 6 weeks preg so am feeling truly beaten! DH is away for a couple of days and I got up four times last night ... i am more than useless today! Sending energy vibes to you all!

Hi LittlePickleHead (& others!)

Having got much constructive to add other than big sympathy; we're having the same with our 18m DS. He's never been the best sleeper (sleeps through maybe twice a week) but he's usually only ever awake for 10-15 mins so not too bad. At the moment, it's every 2 hours for about half an hour, and he's really uncontrollably upset when he wakes

We tried the calpol thing, which helped while he was teething, but we've found the best nights sleeps come after a 2-nap day. I remember my midwife telling me when he was born that the better he sleeps in the day the better he sleeps at night - and it's really true.

Hang in there, it will get better (and as for dealing with DH, I try to snap/cuddle in equal measures to keep things on an even keel!)

I thought I'd post an update for all the others going through this tough regressiong.
Disclaimer though, this is obviously just my experience and may not be the case for others!

So after around 5 weeks of constant night wakings, we were really at a low ebb. Althought DD was going to bed more easily, she would wake like clockwork at around midnight and be up for about 3 hours. Even coming into bed with us didn't work, nothing did. We were taking it in turns for one of us to sleep on the sofa with earplugs and the other deal with DD, but even so our relationship was really suffering :(

We decided to try cc. I actually don't think it would have worked much sooner when she was in the midst of the regression, but as she was now going down fine it seemed more like she was waking out of habit and just not being able to settle herself like she used to. She had definitely become used to being brought into bed with us even though all 3 of us couldn't sleep that way.

First night was awful, we went in every 10 mins and soothed her but it took 2.5 hours until she lay down and went to sleep in pure exhaustion :(
2nd night was about 40 minutes
3rd night I went in twice and both times she automatically lay herself down and closed her eyes

For the last 3 nights she has SLEPT THROUGH

It feels like a miracle. I know cc doesn't always work, and we have never done it before now as I just hated the thought of her crying for us. But we are happier because we're getting sleep, she's happier because she's getting sleep, so I'm so glad we did. I have no doubt that if we hadn't she'd still be having her 3 hour wake-a-thons. And I know we'll have to go through it all again the next time, but at least we now know it's not that bad.

Just thought this might help someone in a similar position

regressiong = regression obviously!

pickle just popped back into this.. Had actually forgotton I posted before (we are still in the throes of waking up ). Just wanted to say congratulations thats a brilliant result. It has been occurring to me whether we need to take action. It's so difficult because she does go straight back to sleep so only takes a few minutes to sort her out. It's just still so knackering being woken up three plus times a night... I am inspired by your result though, will give this some thought. Hope its all still working well..