Health Visitor sleep training suggestions, not sure about it...

[dizzytrout]

Hi :)

I have a almost 11 month old DD, we recently had her 9-12 month check with the HV which went really well.

I mentioned having a few questions about her eating and sleeping habits, and she said she would ask the Nursery Nurse to come round for a chat.

The Nursery Nurse was lovely, she gave me some great advice on DD's diet and routine. I mentioned that DD used to settle herself to sleep, but recently has been screaming (and I mean SCREAMING!) when we put her to bed when she is awake, also waking in the night a lot more.

She suggested some sleep training, putting DD to bed, saying night night, it's time to go to sleep etc, then leaving the room. She said to go in every 2 minutes and repeat the sentence until she goes to sleep, she said this could take up to a few hours on the first night..

I know it's going to be really hard on both of us and there will be a lot of tears from both of us too, but she assured me it would be OK and best for all of us in the long run.

I was just wondering if anyone had any experience or advice?

Hi

I went through the same thing with both my daughters. It does work, so give it a go.

As long as your DD is well it is simply a case of being prepared yourself for what can be a really tough experience.

Also there can be slidebacks and a need to repeat if your routine changes, for example after sickness.

Best of luck.

If you're not comfortable with this, you don't have to do it. There are other options, such as gradual withdrawal. Have a look at the No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley, if you want alternative options.

The NN can't say definitively what's best for you and your dd - have a look at the options, and try what suits both of you best.

You don't have to do what the nursery nurse says. Personally, I wouldn't - but it's up to you.

Thank you for your replies :) Habbibu, I have tried No Cry Sleep solution, but unfortunately it wasn't very sucessful (not sure if I was doing it correctly but will look in to that one, thank you)

Marieljf, when you did it, did you go in every 2 mins, or make it a bit longer each time? I questioned this, as I thought it might just keep disturbing her...

Greentriangle, I know, i have struggled with it, I think it's going to be really hard, it's just we can't go on the way we are and I'm at a bit of a loss as to what to do ...

It's developmental. I am a broken record on this subject but it's always around 12 months, sometimes a bit before, sometimes a bit afterwards.

Usually they struggle to self settle when they managed it previously, wake far more frequently, seem distressed. Often found standing up in their cot, confused and unhappy in the night.

It's a development spurt. Mostly to do with learning to walk. Their brains switch into a mode where they say 'get up, stand up, now, walk, stand up, walk' and on and on and on. They cannot switch it off. It's a true, documented, well studied fact of development. It's a very big milestone and sleep is always disrupted by it as they lose the ability to switch off and self settle. They move around in their cots while asleep. They get up and can't get back down again. They get frustrated and confused.

The thing to do is help them through it. Find gentle ways of helping them sleep. It does pass in a few weeks and I know it's tough but it's so very hard for them. They can't understand it, it upsets then and then you start ignoring and them and leaving them to cope alone and it compounds the situation. They will give up and fall asleep on their own but really they're asking for help with something they can't control.

I just did what I could to help dd through it and bam, as soon as she was walking, the whole thing was over.

showofhands- i really like that answer!

ShowofHands, thank you for your reply :)

I think i may have posted here a while ago, not with this exact query, as DD was a lot younger and recieved some interesting replies which were explaining about development phases - I can totally see the connection, I asked the HV about it, as I thought it was a mixture of teething, development and maybe separation anxiery...The only thing is, that she has been like this at night time for quite a while now, I'd say about 3-4 months.

It's so hard to know what to do for the best, I hate the thought of her thinking i'm not comforting her, but on another hand, i think sometimes that she has got used to me coming in and picking her up and just cries so I come in.

Hi

You asked how long I left my daughters in between checking on them. It was initially about two minutes - which can seem forever when your child is crying.

The idea is to let them know you are there, you can speak to them calmly and even comfort them in their cot if necessary but briefly (not until they fall asleep). There are a lot of websites around with information on controlled crying techniques.

However remember this is not a test and no-one knows your child better than you do. Just follow your instincts and if you need to leave it to another day that is your call - you are the expert.

My charge did this at about 12 months too, and used to cry and stand up and not be able to get back down. For 3 or 4 nights I used to go in, gently lie her back down while shhhhhhhhing, and walk out. She eventually "got" how to sit and lie back down and it stopped.

It sounds like your DD has been doing it for longer so it may not be linked to a developmental stage but might be a habitual crying/waking. She loves your company best of all and when she wakes and wants you there she knows how to get you to come, and when it's bedtime she is starting to realize you will leave her. Could you start playing some calming music in her room at bedtime, and gradually reduce the time spent with her as she starts relaxing (hopefully) listening to the music? The aim being to get her to think bed is a calm and nice place to be and not to be so focussed and upset on you leaving her? She would still self soothe but the music might help distract/calm her? My charge also has an ocean noise thing in a bear that she snuggles and that really is a big sleep association thing for her.

I think the most important thing is to make bedtime as calm as possible and not to allow her crying to dictate the course of events iyswim? She is old enough to "learn" that bedtime is sleep time but she might just need some extra encouragement to accept it :)

Thank you Marieljf

You've just reminded me of something I was going to ask actually wrinklyraisin, I was thinking about getting a slumber bear type thing for her, she had a little music and lights projector when she was little, then a aquarium type thing on the side of her cot, but I was thinking a soft cuddle comforter may help. The slumber bear has womb noises and things I think, but is she too old for that?

I try to keep bedtime calm, but it's ended up with me feeding or rocking her to sleep every night, which i know hasn't helped!

My charge has a bear that has ocean noises, and also a music settng with calming and repetetive music and she LOVES it (se has had it since she was 12 months and is now 15 months)... she knows where the button is on the back and she will switch it on herself if she wakes in the night and snuggle it and go back to sleep Some people might say its a bad thing to replace one crutch with another but I say if something makes her feel secure and happy enough to sleep and resettle herself then I am all for it!!! She only has the bear at bed/nap time in her crib (we call it "Mr Snuggles McBedtime Bear"lolololol) and she really does fall asleep well with the noises and I thnk she feels happy at night if she wakes as she can deal with the situation herself iyswim and there is no crying at all any more!!!!

Her parents are happy because she doesnt disturb them and I am happy because her room is 3 flights up from mine and my charge is happy because she is getting 11+ hours sleep a night plus 2-3 hours naps.

We are currently travelling though and my charge an I are sharing a suite. I hear the music/ocean 3 or 4 times in the night some nights and none other nights so I don't think it acts as a waking distraction iyswim?

Hmmmm, I think I may have a little look on the internet for something like that then, thank you :)

Hers is made by Baby Gund, I will see if I can find a link.

www.amazon.com/Summer-Infant-Mommies-Melodies-Gund/dp/B000JFN4R2

This is the one, it is soooooooo soft!

By way of a follow-up to ShowOfHands, more info on developmental spurts and their effect on sleep here.

There are common ones at 4 months, 8/9 months (often stretching to 11 months), 13 months, 18 months and 2.5/3 years, although many babies will have their own mini-regressions when they're working on or have just learned a new skill like crawling, walking, talking, potty training etc.

During a regression, babies will generally sleep less well than they did before, however good/bad that was. There's nothing you can do and it does pass.

Thank you Wrinklyraisin, that looks fab :)

AngelDog, thank you also, that makes very interesting reading and again, makes a lot of sense.

There is so much info available on the internet etc, it's so hard to find a way to help DD, she gets so tired :(