help - my 2 year old gets sick when we try to put her to bed!

[Lyssi]

Just moved our 21month old out of cot into bed, as she could climb over rails.

As expected she now won't stay in the bed. She used to go to sleep really well in the cot, with just a song or two and a cuddle, now it is a nightmare.

We have tried sitting with her, but she just doesn't go to sleep after hours of being there, just keeps chatting or demanding more singing. So we tried settling her into bed as normal, then telling her we are leaving the room and it is time for her to go to sleep. Then we ignored her when she called us and put a gate on the door so she couldn't get out and run around, we would go back every few minutes or so and settle her back into bed, saying 'bedtime sweetie', 'bedtime', then nothing. Trouble is she gets crying so much she makes herself sick, so then we have to take her out, shower her, clean the room, change the bed etc. and then start all over again!

Help! has anyone else gone through bed transition with a child that makes herself sick? Any advice is gladly taken!

She has probably learnt that making herself sick gains more attention.

Continue to return her to bed as you have been doing but don't prolong the clean up.

Say nothing if she is sick and then just do a quick wipe down and do a proper change in the morning.

I had considered that maybe she was doing it on purpose, but not sure, as she gets in such a state, seems to start coughing and then sicks up.

Will try and not prolong the clean up as you say, and see how it goes. thanks

YES! I have a child who vomits when cross. It is so bloody limiting.

The amount of vomit my boy will produce just to prove a point.

I just cannot let him cry to vomit point as a reasonable sleep solution.

HE is 2 1/2 now and seems to be growing out of it.

My advice would be to wait for a bit.

It is really hard to cope when they are sick and to continue with any form of controlled crying, keep putting back in bed.
Do you think we should just try more comforting methods to sleep, or let her stay up until she falls asleep? Recently she has only gone to sleep at night when in our bed, which is so unusual, as before now she would'nt ever settle to sleep in our bed,she always wanted to go in her cotbed!

I sympathise, my DD is still sick if she cries for ANY length of time, means she probably gets a bit spoilt!

I don't think it is deliberate with her, just the natural reaction of her stomach, sounds like your DD is the same.

I think if you 'try more more comforting methods of sleep, let her stay up' then you will be adding fuel to the fire tbh.

Try a really nice bedtime routine (bath, story and cuddle, sleep) then you leave. Do just what you did before, and as Scurryfunge says, when she is sick, just give her really quick wipe up, don't say a word, and wait til morning to clean her properly.

It is for attenion, she is not really ill, and her distress is a learned one rather than 'this is genuinely upsetting'.

She won't stop straight away, this will take a little perserverence.

I just cannot let him cry to vomit point as a reasonable sleep solution

Why? You're not the one making him vomit are you? He is. It's his choice. And Scurryfunge's suggestion will stop the vomiting, she won't go on being sick every night from now on, but she will if you wait. Wait for what exactly, the habit to get more ingrained?

I am normally of a more hardcore approach, and was all geared up to let her cry it out, ready for a few days, weeks of it etc. but the sicky bit has thrown the spanner in the works.

Think I will try a few more determined nights of controlled crying/putting her back in bed etc. and see how it goes. If we get a night without sick, then I know I am on the right track, if not then I will perhaps have to think again.

Am wondering if I should take the gate away, so she won't feel like we are shutting her in there, but just be around the hallway so when she gets out of bed we just put her straight back in, any thoughts?

Littlepurplepricess, I disagree that it is always the child's choice to cry, my DD definitely can't help it when upset, and it upsets her too.

Why don't you put her back in her cot? Does it matter if she climbs out? Keep the gate on and she won't come to any harm.

She can climb out of the cot, but a couple of times she fell and hurt herself on the way down, for this reason we took the sides away and changed her cot bed to the normal low bed, to help avoid injury.

Don't really want to put the sides back on again, think she will just keep climbing out and hurt herself, and one day am going to have to tackle getting her to sleep in a big girl bed, might as well be now.

I didn't say it's always the child's choice to cry.

I meant that you shouldn't feel guilty or that you are being to hard or strict or whatever if they cry until there sick in order to get there own way. If you teach the child that it is his choice (which in this instance) it is, then he may well choose not to be sick. You can't stop him by pandering to it.

It would be better to stop him crying till sick by making him feel secure and happy in his new bed, surely?

And you can reasure the child by having the nice routine, giving the cuddles, AND THEN LEAVING BECAUSE HE WILL BE FINE.

Would she keep climbing out if she kept on hurting herself? Surely she'd learn.

Is she old enough for a star/reward chart for staying in bed when you leave her?

Saying:

"Why? You're not the one making him vomit are you? He is. It's his choice. And Scurryfunge's suggestion will stop the vomiting, she won't go on being sick every night from now on, but she will if you wait. Wait for what exactly, the habit to get more ingrained?"

reads exactly like you think it's a choice to vomit, sorry if you did not mean that.

I think it can often be a reflex action. You could leave my DD to cry every night and she wouldn't suddenly stop vomiting, because she cannot help it.

I do think, in this case, it's within the child's control. The little girl just hasn't learned it yet, so it's mums job to teach her by being reasuring.

Being reasuring doesn't always mean being soft, it can mean that you have to put your foot down.

You implied that I said children can always control it. Of course they can't. Of course children get upset and cry, and it's genuine.

Yes, I agree you can be firm. I agree if she cries less she might not be sick. I just don't agree that she can learn not to be sick if she cries, necessarily.

Anyway we can agree to differ

The OP will know her DD best and know whether she genuinely can stop being sick or not.

I think it's unduly harsh to make her cry until she's sick, over a choice of bed sides. Is bumping herself over the bars more damaging than feeling this distressed every night? I'd let her have bars until she's 18 if she wants, why is it so bad??

I agree Fanjo, that she can't learn not be sick when she cries. But I do think she can learn that bedtime is nothing to cry about.

And your right, ultimately only the OP can know if the child is really distressed, or just trying it on.

Just wanted to say that my DD was always sick if she cried too much, also happened if she coughed too much or gagged on some food. Spoke to the doctor about it who said her own DS had done the same and in some children the gag reflex takes longer to mature and she would grow out of it.

Took until she was over 3, but she has now stopped thankfully!!

Many people thought we were spoiling her not ever letting her get too distressed - should have seen the speed I ran when I saw her start crying, but believe me it was better than dealing with the sick. They also thought she was doing it on purpose, but believe me she wasn't - I've not yet met another mother who has a 2 year old who knew the signs that she was going to be sick and could get the loo in time! If she was doing it for effect, she would have just been sick where she was!

Anyway, therefore cry to sleep was never option for us (not that I could have done it anyway I don't think), we eventually found the "no-cry sleep solution" by Elizabeth Pantley and went with the long-winded but successful option of inching slowly out of her room moving further away each night until you are sitting outside her room and she knows that, til you can just cuddle and leave!

Good luck - as with everything though, it will just be a phase that will end just as some other new thing/annoying phase starts!!

thanks for all your advice. I am not sure she is being sick on purpose at all, as she is often sick after only a couple of minutes of crying, not as though we are leaving her for 15 minutes or anything like that.

We have a very good bedtime routine set up, dinner, short play, bath, pj's, milk and stories and then bed. Before the move to the big bed this worked really well, and we had a pretty good sleeper.

i know it is a phase like all others and one way or another eventually she will sleep in her own bed, just really wondered if there were any good other options than trying the supernanny keep putting back in bed business.

I start the bed process with a few bedtime songs as has always been the way, but she just starts talking and stalling, then when I get up to go, thats when the crying and screaming and then the sick all happens.

I don't mind sitting in her room for an hour or so to settle her to sleep, which I have tried a few times, but it always backfires, as even after i am certain she is sound asleep, then still sit quietly for another 10 mins to make sure, she still always wakes up just as I get back down the stairs........ and there we go again, starting back at the beginning.

I will have a look at the no-cry sleep solution as you suggest, and maybe see if this will work for us. Otherwise, I dont know what we will do if she keeps on being sick.

I wonder if may she was comforted by having sides on the bed, could you try rigging some kind of curtain along the bed, so she doesn't have to climb over it to get out (just open it and get out), but can still feel that security of being closed in a little?

Thanks Helen, I have thought about that and think I will get a bed rail just to see if that helps, although she has slept in the past on a blow up kids first ready bed and been fine (well after getting in and out a few times).

I guess it is going to be a lot of trial and error until we find what works best.

Tried bribery last night, thought it was going to work, but then after about half an hour the crying and being sick started again.

Try something different again tonight.