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need some help with my 19week old

10 replies

luvlybunchofcoconuts · 04/09/2010 11:43

Hi all,
I feel as though i am creating a great big hole regarding sleep/nap time with my wee girl.

she cannot self-settle even if i try she just screams, and i feel she is too young for controlled crying.
She is also still swaddled! have been trying to use a growbag to get her used to it, but she flaps and throws her arms around as a result knocking her dummy out.
another thing i do intend to try and phase out.

last night i cracked and i feel like such a failure because everynite i have to rock,sway, stroke her sometimes that doesn't work.Sad

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
InmaculadaConcepcion · 04/09/2010 12:12

Hiya!

My DD was swaddled at that age, too. Is she breaking out of the swaddle? If not, I wouldn't worry about it too much for the moment. You can get various transition products to help when you do need to get her unswaddled - we have one of these

Self settling is tough for some babies. Do you feed her to sleep? My DD is only just learning how to self-settle now at 32 weeks (and she still can't do it for naps). I suggest you work on the self-settling for night-time sleep, but don't push it too hard for naps. Apparently, they are different (naps) and any kind of sleep training is a lot tougher to achieve.

Having said that, it's a good idea to get on a nap schedule, putting down your DD when she's just getting tired, but not too tired. Two hours is probably the most she can stay awake for at a time, but use your own observations to guide you on that.

Try this book for some ideas which may help you.

Yes, 19 weeks is too young for CC - 6 months is the minimum age to try that, and even then, it's still a bit on the young side. Around 9 months is probably better, if you still need to do it at that stage (hopefully not).

PS You're NOT a failure!! Some babies just aren't easy when it comes to sleeping (I know, I have one) and it's probably nothing you are or aren't doing that influences her sleep. Smile

Remember: THIS TOO SHALL PASS!

luvlybunchofcoconuts · 04/09/2010 12:24

no she's not breaking out of swaddle, we got a mmiracle blanket!
i try and keep her at 3hrs sleep during the day.

but early evenings are such a fuss with her.

she takes some of her feed 5pm then she's taking some babyrice(please dont slam me for that, she's been grabbing food off our plates and actually swalling and reaching for more.) then bath and some more milk(sometimes)

she'll sleep on and off in between screaming and we'll eventually get her down about 10:30.

OP posts:
InmaculadaConcepcion · 04/09/2010 15:06

Sounds tough...

No harm in starting her on solids if she's interested! Why not try baby porridge - newer research suggests it may actually be advisable to introduce potential allergens (such as gluten) earlier rather than later. If it agrees with her, it may actually fill her belly better than baby rice which adds bulk, but little in the way of calories.
Obviously that's up to you!

Yep, if the miracle blanket's holding and she doesn't get too hot in it etc, then stick with it for the time being, it won't do her any harm. You could try leaving one arm out first to see what happens rather than both free straight away.

How much gap between her last nap and bed time? Is it enough/too much?

luvlybunchofcoconuts · 04/09/2010 16:26

i try and let her have 1.5hrs around lunchtime so then she only really needs a short naphalf hour tops so that she wouls sleep at bed time.

man i feel like i'm doing it all wrong.

OP posts:
luvlybunchofcoconuts · 04/09/2010 16:29

she also wont/doesn't feed to sleep either, basically when she's tired she will not touch milk.

OP posts:
InmaculadaConcepcion · 04/09/2010 16:52

No, that's okay - feeding to sleep is useful, but it's another thing to wean them off, so it's probably as well you don't. The idea is to encourage the baby to teach itself to fall asleep without parental help - but that's difficult to do under 6months old.

The book I suggested has ideas you could try to at least point your LO in the right direction.

On the nap front, you may actually find that more napping will help her sleep better at night - baby sleep is weird in that if they are overtired, they sleep worse. Half an hour isn't really long enough to do much more than a quick battery recharge, rather than deal with underlying tiredness. Having said that, it's the devil's own job to get a baby to nap for longer if they're not inclined, so don't beat yourself up if it's not happening!

You're doing the right thing to encourage her to have a longer nap at lunchtime - but she may actually need 2 hours or more and then another hour in the afternoon so she's not too tired to sleep properly at night. Sounds topsy turvy, but that's often the way of it. Try offering her more nap chances or doing what you can to leave her sleeping for longer in the day. It may well help with the nights.

Also, try for a bedtime no later than 19.00 (if you don't already) - again, overtiredness can often strike if the baby doesn't get to bed in good time.

Getting out with the baby in a sling/pram is good for both encouraging naps and sleep at night (there's not much else you can do to entertain them at that age, anyway!) - a bit of fresh air can work wonders - and on you, too.

Do you have a fixed bedtime routine? Bath, lullaby, feed, bed etc.? That can help signal to the baby it's time to sleep. Have you tried baby massage?

The thing is, as I said before, you're almost certainly not doing anything wrong. Some babies are naturally inclined to be good sleepers and some aren't, whatever the parents do. Most of them (99 per cent) grow out of it sooner or later.

Sending solidarity in your direction!!

AngelDog · 04/09/2010 21:12

I'd also guess she might be overtired. At 3 months most babies are having 5-6 hours daytime sleep. By 6 months it's 3-4 hours. I'd aim to not let her stay up more than 1.5 hours (2 hours max) at a time. Do whatever you can to help her to nap.

The not feeding to sleep sounds like it could be an overtired thing to me. My DS used to refuse all feeds if he was overtired, but if he was just 'tired', it was a good way to send him off. That did change, and now he's older, feeding to sleep is the best way to get him off when he's overtired.

I'd swaddle for as long as it helps her. We tried to wean DS off the swaddle a couple of times - a dismal failure. Eventually at 5.5 months he decided he didn't like it any more, could sleep without it and it was fine.

You are really not a failure because you have to help her go to sleep. It's totally normal for a baby this age not to be able to self-settle: she is only tiny really. My 8 m.o. DS can't self-settle either. It's annoying at points, but very normal. Most babies are completely incapable of self-settling until 3/4 months onwards.

luvlybunchofcoconuts · 05/09/2010 12:22

well lastnight was a little better!but when i say little i mean little.

I gave her some tea(sweetpotato&brocolli, she loved it!!) just after 5pm cleared up then we went upstairs and had bath and put cream on her etc. so around 6pm read a story and she took some feed and fell asleep.(great i thought) she woke 45mins later which happens quite often! tried to get her back down but to no avail. around 8.30 she took half her feed and was sleeping by 9pm!

1.45am we were woken with her screaming, knew it was hunger as she had not taken full feed earlier(usually she'll sleep til 6.30-7am).

OP posts:
luvlybunchofcoconuts · 06/09/2010 09:03

ok i know this is a silly questionConfused but how do you know when they dont like being swaddled. sorry for being so thick.

OP posts:
AngelDog · 06/09/2010 10:21

Not a silly question at all! :)

He always fought the swaddle a bit but calmed down once he was in it. Then he started screaming and trying to roll over when I tried to swaddle him, and didn't stop once he was wrapped up - he kept trying to roll in the cot too (although he couldn't actually roll over at that point Confused)

When he was yelling while being swaddled, if I stopped doing it, he'd stop yelling. I tried a sleeping bag and for the first time he didn't wake himself after 10 mins with flailing arms, so I guessed the time had come to ditch the swaddle.

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