Please help - at my wits' end with non-sleeping DT (5.5) (sorry, this is a bit long)

[tkband3]

None of my children were good sleepers as babies, and I have long since accepted that every so often they go through a phase of waking in the night. And with 3 DCs it's unusual to get a full night anyway, without one of them needing a wee or having a bad dream (and frankly I normally need a wee in the night too!).

But DT1 (5.5) is driving me nuts at the moment and I can't seem to find a way to get her out of this phase, which has been going on for nearly 3 weeks now.

It started with her having the odd bad dream - I would wake to find her standing next to me. She would just snuggle up to me till she fell back to sleep 5 minutes later and then I'd put her back in her bed. But this has now become a habit which can happen 6 times a night and where she used to wake up in the middle of the night, it's now before I even go to bed.

I've tried being understanding on the basis that maybe she was worried about going back to school and so just continuing to take her into my bed, but it's getting ridiculous now. So I've started putting her mattress on the floor in my room when she won't go back to sleep and she sleeps quite happily there.

I've tried letting her cry for short periods (no longer than 5 minutes), but it's waking up her sisters (who have temporarily moved to the back bedroom.

I've tried bribes reward schemes (they currently each have a pasta jar - the one with the most pasta at the end of the week gets to choose a treat on Sunday. DT1's is empty ). I've tried shouting, threats, crying - nothing is working.

During the day she's lovely but at night I am struggling to hold it together. DH started a new job on Tuesday so he's been on the sofabed for the last few days as he really can't be sleep-deprived at the moment, but MIL is coming to stay this weekend so he'll be back with me (and DT1!).

I've tried discussing it calmly with her during the day, but she just looks sheepish and vaguely amused by the situation (which doesn't help my mood any!).

Please help - if anyone has any ideas or strategies I could try, I'll be eternally grateful .

That sounds rough! My DD is only a baby but I clearly remember going through a similar phase at your DDs age, getting really really scared and upset. I didn't have any siblings and felt very lonely upstairs on my own at nights.
The causes were various but I remember screaming and screaming and nobody came which was awful - I think I was quite an anxious child and this was how it manifested.
It sounds like you are lovely and are taking her distress seriously which must mean a lot to her.
Could you maybe get a baby monitor, one of the ones where you can talk from the remote unit, and see if that will help? Then you will hear if she is upset and can speak comfortingly to her without neccessarily having to go up or get out of bed yourself. She would have the reassurance that you were there and responsive but wouldn't be getting out of bed all the time and might be able to cope in the room with her sisters?
Hope it passes soon for all of you.

Is she actually upset anymore or has it become a habit? Or does she know she can get you all to herself in the middle of the night?

What about leaving the light on in her room? Both my dcs have gone through periods of being freaked out by the dark and they now sleep in full on lighting.

Thanks for your replies.

She still gets upset if she's left in her room - last night I tried leaving her in her bed, but going back in every 5 minutes for a cuddle...she was clinging on to me so I couldn't leave and crying increasingly loudly whilst I was gone. As soon as she got into bed with me, she stopped crying...it's a habit and I think you're right, scootergrrrl, she likes having me to herself in the middle of the night.

She has a night light in her room, neolara, but when I've offered to leave the light on, she says she can't get to sleep because it's too light.

Not sure the baby monitor would work, DDDixon - think it's physical presence she's after!

I keep saying the mantra 'This too shall pass'...in the meantime, my chocolate consumption is increasing steadily .

Have you tried giving her something of yours to look after? My DD (6) sometimes has a bracelet or something to put under her pillow while she is asleep.

Also what about you getting into her bed? Then at least once she's asleep you can leave and she will be in her own bed (obviously warn her first).

I'll certainly try giving her something of mine to keep safe under her pillow. I have tried getting into her bed, but she's still in her toddler bed, so I have to contort myself to get in it and therefore it's rather hard to get out without disturbing her .

Thanks for all the input .