I need my 2.5 year old to sleep all night. Please help.

[wigwam1973]

Hello All,

I have got myself into a bit of a predicament with DS2, just 2.5. He's always been a lousy sleeper (I think he's slept through for possibly 4 nights in his life), and it's getting to the stage where I'm desperate for a full night's sleep.

He's always suffered very badly with teething, and in the past the only way I could settle him back to sleep was to get into bed with him (he happens to be sleeping in our old spare bed at the moment). Of course, this quickly became a habit and while he would go to sleep on his own without too much fuss, come 1am, or 3am or whenever, he would start calling for me. And, like a sleep deprived loon, I would go because it meant he (and therefore I) would go back to sleep quickly.

Recently though he seems to have become even more clingy and wraps his arms around my neck and nearly throttles me. I can't get back to sleep and lie there fretting that I'll have to be up in 3 hours to prepare for the school run.

So, I suppose my question is. How can I solve this with minimal upset for him (I know it's really my fault we're in this mess). Has anyone been through anything similar?

Thanks, in advance.

hi wigwam. I am the same. Has been one thing after another, teeth, sickness, etc, but recently i am sure it's habit or bad dreams / falling out of toddler bed.

I am utterly exhausted, over emotional, irrational and incredibly stupid as a result.

I have a friend whose kid just stopped at age 3. I have a sister who stopped at age 4.
I CANNOT GO ON THAT LONG!

My DD comes into our bed and then lies there kicking me for the rest of the night so I have had 2.5 years of approx 4-5hrs sleep per night.

It is hell.

I have no advice I'm afraid just sympathy, but I am going to play hardball soon - and put up with the screaming. I have read nad tried supernanny and babywhisperer and none of it works or I am not tough enough.

So my plan is to explain that DD must stay in room until morning, then when she gets up / shouts for us go in once and say bedtime firmly, then so back to my bed to listen to the ensuing screams. I'ts horrible to think of but I am utterly sick of this crap FFS I knwo poeple who had babies who went through the night from 3 weeks!! It is NOT FAIR!

What's your hardball plan??

Hi Lucy85

I'm so glad to know I'm not the only one. I have 2 children, and both have been awful when it comes to sleeping. Just bad luck, I guess, although I know I have been lazy about sorting this one out.

Well, my hardball plan is sort of the same as yours, I think. When DS wakes up, he calls 'Mummy, muuuummmmy, muuuuuuummmmmmmy', from the comfort of his bed, and I get up (generally from a very deep sleep) and walk next door like a zombie. I'm not sure how he would react if I just tried to ignore him completely. He has a stair gate on his door and so far hasn't actually got out of bed to complain........

Last night, I tried, half heartedly to kiss his good night and tell him that I was going back to my room and that I'd see him in the morning. This was greeted by shrieks and cries of 'No, Mummy come in my bed'. I quickly gave in.... I did watch that programme on TV lately with the two sleep experts and one of them said that you should just say 'It sleepy time now' (or something similar) and tuck them in and leave them. It didn't specify how long to leave them - I suppose it's a form of CC (which DH thinks I should adopt).

All I want is to sleep in my own bed all night, with no interruptions. I don't think that's too much to ask.

Good luck with your DD. Let me know how you get on.

And is there anyone else out there who's been through this?

Yes and gosh am so relieved that its not just me.

DS is 2.5, has co-slept from the start, initially it was just bec I was post-natally exhausted and he was an all night feeder, then it became a habit, now, 2.5 yrs I am still exhausted every day. Have tried to get him out of my bed, but every attmept has either ended in me backing down or he gets ill or some other disruptive event happens and soemhow he is back in our bed. If he slept through I wouldn't have such a big problem, but he digs his nails into my arm, climbs on top of me or just wakes me up for a cuddle... several times every night; hence have not had a night's sleep in over 2.5 yrs.

I realise that much of this is about me, ie not being tough about evicting him from my bed, but there is a part of me that really likes his baby/toddler cuddles, and I know that the soft cuddly phase of his childhood will not last forever. I really struggle with the tiredness but I can't bear to give up the baby cuddles... I guess I can't have it both ways - have to decide what I really want, and live with it.

hi i have posted on here about rescue night, it is a herbal spray that you spray onto the tongue. im not sure if it works or not as i havent tried it myself but i will be doing soon. i read it helps to fall asleep and sleep all night, the whole family can use it even infants.

Boots sell it

thanks acm. If sounds wonderful - wonder if it works. Can you post to say how you get on with it.

yes I will, going to try it tomorrow night, fingers crossed it will work

Oh marking my place on this thread as I want to know how you get on acm.

Wigwam, i'm in same predicament, DD1 still up during night, 2 years old last last week. Last night I was by her bedside for TWO hours before she relented and fell asleep. DD2 (5mo) sleeping soundly in her cot probably wondering what all the fuss is about!

I swear DD1 turns satanic at night, she's just doing it to torture me!! I think she could sleep all night but just won't as that would be too easy. On the rare occasion she has slept all night she'll come in to us in the morning and say, "i sleep all night" so she KNOWS!!!!!

well no luck last night, I sprayed it on their tongues at 7.30pm and DD2 went to sleep roughly 11pm, DD2 and DS went to sleep gone past 12am, same as usual, and DD2 woke 3 time last night(the others dont wake up usualy).

Will try it again tonight maybe it needs to get in their system, I don't know.

So far I am not impressed with it and the £8 it cost.

Will come back tonight fingers crossed.

may not be popular but you've taught your children to be like this and the only solution is to steel yourself to teach them to sleep

so get ready for up to a week of no sleep and keep returning them to their beds and walking out with no eye contact and just a gentle "No it's time to sleep" reminder on occasion and walk out

you may need to do it a hundred times

but you have a pavlovian response you need to break and it might take a night or a week of nights but you need to sort it

oh and before you do it explain to them exactly what's going to happen in your no-nonsense voice

as of tonight there is to be no more calling for mummy - you go to bed to sleep through the night and you are not allowed to make a sound until morning

maybe get him a clock so he can read the time he's allowed to shout for you - choose a special toy that is to be his sleep toy (a big cuddly soft one would do well)

and then don't relent no matter how tired you are

you have taught your children that the louder they shout at night they will get what they want - you now need to teach them that night-time is sleep time and crying and shrieking does not get them any attention of mummy in their bed

oh i've tried that and so many other techniques but nothing has worked. So I thought I'd try this herbal remedy, I've had 6 years of battling sleep.

Activate, I have also tried all this. TWO weeks worth of putting her to bed, returning her to bed, etc. But she is in a bed and just gets out, no tantrums, no tears. Just gets out.

A couple of months back my DP and I were arguing as we kept waking up and she was between us and we were accusing each other of lifting her in in a sleep deprived state until one night I caught her climbing in herself and just settling in between us.

She will go back with no argument but an hour later is back in.

I'm not denying this is our fault as she co slept for a while, but we have tried everything to now keep her in her bed, nothing works!

read this

Thanks for all the advice. Strangely on Saturday night, DS2 woke v early (9.30pm) very upset, I went in and settled him and he then slept until 6am. Unheard of for him. Last night back to the usual crying for me, and me giving in , but in my defense he has got a nasty cough.

Activate, I'm interested, are you speaking from experience? Have you been through this with your own children? And if so, how many nights did it take for you to crack it?

Do you have a DH/OH or family member who he trusts? I think you might need to get a little tough on him, i.e. help settling him back but not so much cuddling/you there. The reason I ask about someone else is maybe you could have a night away and a thorough night's sleep before a week of less sleep. Give you a bit of strength (and sanity!) before starting on the 'big project'. Good luck.