Self sooth tips please?!

[Pregnatron]

Can anyone advise on selfsoothing to sleep? I've made a rod for my own back by letting B fall asleep at the end of her feed, then I put her down. She sleeps through the night but I need to stop her associating feeds with sleep & not sure I can cope with controlled crying... Have tried it a few times & bottled it; seems so cruel when she gets in such a state. Please help!

How old is she? Why do you need to get her to stop feeding to sleep? I would give my right eye for my DS2 to sleep through the night, however I got him to do it!!!!

Most babies fall asleep whilst feeding, if she is very little you might find she grows out of it of her own accord.

Thanks for your reply. She's 6 months & I know we're really lucky that she sleeps through the night.

I'm back to work next month & she'll be starting nursery for a couple of days a week. I'm worried with so much comotion she'll not get any sleep during the day & if she self sooths before she gets there, it won't be so tough for her. If she gets overtired, she'll get herself in a pickle.

Hi Pregnatron, a couple of thoughts.

One, don't worry about it - babies are incredibly resilient and will often learn a new way of getting to sleep when at nursery anyway. You may find that within a couple of days your DD is settling with them quite happily. Of course, she will know that there is no milk available from her carers.

If you try beforehand, DD won't understand because you have milk and she will naturally want that. Cue lots of confusion and crying. Much easier for the nursery to sort out their own settling techniques.

Second, if you really are worried, does your DD go to sleep in a pushchair or pram at all? The Montessori nursery near where I used to live used to put all babies under 1 to sleep by rocking them in prams outside (under a shelter when raining). If you think it would be easier for your DD, perhaps take her pushchair along and ask them to put her to sleep in that to begin with.

Third, have a chat with the nursery. Lots of babies are the same at this age so don't be afraid to say that your DD is used to being fed to sleep. It's completely normal and definitely not a 'rod for your own back'. They may be able to reassure you that they have handled this situation lots of times.

Agree with Isawthreeships.

Last month, we sent our 9 month old DD to nursery for the first time. She's always fallen asleep in our arms for her day time naps though admittedly can self settle at night. (Just for info we do the pick up put down technique - we stand in the corner of the room, don't give her any eye contact and when she sits or stands up we just lay her back down again with a gentle shushing noise. We try not to pick her up at anytime. It takes some time on the first few nights though.)

Back to the nursery thing though, yes, I was worried too about her self settling at nursery. She had never self settled during the day before she went. But she does sleep at nursery. She goes to a brilliant nursery who will hold her when she goes to sleep - but she does seem to self settle at nursery! They tell me they just lie her down, rub her back and she just falls asleep! I don't know if it's just because they tire her out but she's fine.

I guess I'm trying to say is please don't worry - admittedly I did, but it turns out I really didn't need to. She'll be fine. Babies get used to a new way of doing things really quickly and I suspect she'll be so tired from all the activity at the nursery, that you'll be pleasantly surprised at the end of the day when you collect her, that she will have had a couple of naps.

One thing I am trying (although it's hard to be consistent as I am staying at my parent's house atm till next week), is putting him down awake and staying with him, with my hand on him or next to his face until he quietens down to sleep. My plan is that once I am consistently getting him to sleep this way, I will then move to being next to the bed but not touching, etc etc - so a gradual withdrawal thing, but very gradual!

My DS2 is 6mo also, it's easy to feel like you've got them into this muddle isn't it? I agree with the other poster's though, the nursery will have dealt with this lots of times so go and speak to them - it may be the thing that helps to break the cycle. On the other hand, if you are away from her in the day you might well appreciate the cuddles you get when feeding her to sleep at the end of the day. The nursery will get her napping, I wouldn't worry about that.

I feed my DS to sleep at nearly 11 months. At 5/6 months he started to self settle - I put him down when he is relaxed and awake and he plays with his comforter then drifted off. The lights have to be off and I potter around so he can hear. No tears! I just tried it every now and then.
I'm quite relaxed - some days I feed (all the time when teething or ill) and some days I don't.
I spoke to my nanny about his - she used to work in a nursery and they all rocked the babies to sleep if they couldn't settle - unless parents gave strict instructions to leave them to cry :(

I remember being scared about letting DS try and self settle - then asked myself what's the worse that will happen? If he's upset, I pick him up. If not I leave him to see what happens.

I find it odd that self settling is talked about as a skill to be taught - are there any 25 year olds out there who need rocking or feeding?? I think giving your baby a chance every now and then - provided he feels happy and secure he'll do it. Just keep trying and you'll get there!