Pimp my Evening

[LionsnTigersnBears]

Hi everyone,

I?ve got a 9 week old who has settled into a lousy bedtime ?routine?. For various reasons - largely she won?t sleep on anything that isn?t me & we?ve been in survival mode for the last 9 weeks- we?ve fallen into a pattern of feeding her to sleep at about 7 ish and then spending the evening with me immobile on the sofa and my DP handing me food that can be eaten one handed. Then at 9.30- 10ish she wakes, I race upstairs to our bedroom where her cot is, feed her again, and we transfer her to her cot. She gets back to sleep then 3 out of 5 times on average and then will sleep until her next feed as long as I don?t try to leave the room- for some reason she wakes up before I?ve got out of the door. If she doesn?t go to sleep we nearly always end up resorting to my feeding her to sleep again in our bed and DP sleeping elsewhere. We can?t go on like this much longer- not least because I can?t cook or eat a real meal and my DP sometimes has to work in the evenings and that?s going to start up again soon- so we?re determined to crack getting her into bed in the evening.

Can anyone offer any advice as to how to do this? She?s a bf baby who?s still not really in a routine with her feeds so the feed/bath/song thing may be problematic.
Any advice please!!!

Firstly congratulations on the new arrival

getting a routine going can be tricky, but why not try and do the 7pm feed after a bath, to give the beginnings of some shape to your evening

then take her into your room and feed her there, make sure it's calm, quiet and dark in there. Feed her until she's utterly stuffed (possibly 2 boobs?) and hold her for 10 or 20 mins until she's so far gone that she doesn't wake when you transfer her to her cot

wait for her to settle before leaving the room, then keep noise to a minimum for another 15 mins or so

hopefully by then she'll be in the zone and you might be able to get some of your evening back

for both mine I've found getting a bedtime routine going has really helped shape the day much better. It's like a reset button!

Once you have the basics in place you can think about adding massage or story or whatever

Trying to changing the needs of a little baby can be like herding cats. Sometimes going with the flow is easier and gives everyone more peace.

If she needs to sleep on or near you, would a combination of a decent sling and a moses basket downstairs in the living room help.

DD could sleep and nurse in the sling and it frees up your hands to cook or Mumsnet ;) When she is ready to settle try her in the moses baskets and transfer upstairs when you are ready for bed.

Time enough to worry about routines and set bedtimes when she is older and more able to be happily separated from you.

Congrats! She won't be like this forever, even if you do nothing different, she will change. Never forget that!

Mine was like this and it's a slog. What about feeding her to sleep lying down on your bed at 7? Then you get your evening back. We also introduced patting too - quite random but it worked. I patted him while he fed and over a few weeks the patting itself seemed hypnotic and meant I could unlatch him and get him in the cot then gradually slow down the patting and slip out. Many memories of commando-crawling across the floor, holding my breath and reaching desperately for the refuge of the landing, though.

It feels like forever, I know, but in a month it will be different.

Thanks everyone! I'm just worried I've made a rod for my own back by letting her sleep on me all this time. I've tried her in a sling & its a godsend during the day as I can get my dogs walked while dd snoozes and watches the world go by. But, strangely, the same baby who can sleep through a walk in the woods complete with stick throwing at 3pm, will wake yelling at the drop of a fork at 8pm. Aargh! Ok, here goes, tonight's the night-wish me luck!

don't worry about making rods - all nonsense

reading between the lines of your last post, are you and your DP trying to be extra quiet in the evening (and hence little noises wake her up)? If so, trying having the radio/music on near where she's sleeping - having a constant low level noise will cover any sudden, unexpected noises that might jolt your daughter awake.