I feel so guilty about DD screaming herself sick during controlled crying

[QueenSconetta]

Controlled crying has worked a treat for us so far but this afternoon at my Mum's she screamed and screamed and screamed and threw up all over the place.

I feel so guilty that I left her screaming for someone until she was so upset she was sick. I had gone back in at 5 and 10 minutes as normal and was about to go back in after 15 mins.

I think the problem is she isn't used to sleeping in the cot at my Mum's and can now pull herself up to standing in it. However I don't think she knows how to sit back down yet.

Any tips? Is PUPD going to be better in this circumstance?

I have just gone back to work and don't want to start anything that will mess around with her night time sleeping.

Help!

Is her night time sleep all right at the moment? If it is I would say don't worry about naps - definitely not doing controlled crying for them.

I know it is horrible when they don't sleep but if she isn't usually at your mum's house during the day it probably doesn't matter as much if she doesn't have a nap there.

Noah, she will be going to my Mum's 2 days a week so will need to sleep there at somepoint, I think anyway. Her night time sleep is ok just now (I always quake in fear everytime I say that!)

LadyITR, not sure what you mean? I didn't leave her and leave her, I went back at the 5, then 10, then 15 minute intervals like I have read, and have done in the past.

Sorry that just doesn't sound right to me. Cc really doesn't work for every child and there are no hard and fast rules about it working fir the whole of infancy.

I would try another approach. She may just need you more at the moment or be feeling insecure or unwell poor wee thing.

I think 'screaming for someone' was probably an overly emotive phrase to use cos I feel bad. She was crying fairly hard, but not really worse than she sometimes does when she's not getting her own way. I was listening to her every move on the baby monitor and went straight up to her when I heard her be sick.

Poor little girl, how can anyone stand to leave a small child screaming for 15 minutes.

Guys, I feel bad enough as it is, I really don't need you to imply I am an horrendous, uncaring, deplorable mother. Quite the opposite is true.

I'm also not looking for a debate on whether controlled crying is a good/bad thing.

She is also not a 'poor little girl'. We have used this method previously, it has worked very well and she is still an extremely happy and loving child. In fact it has benefited her because she is much happier since we used it to establish a night time routine as she gets proper sleep now both at night and during the day.

However, of course I don't enjoy putting it into practice but sometimes the pros out weigh the cons.

grapeandlemon I appreciate your point though that it is probably unrealisitc to expect it to work everytime.

When you do cc in the evenings how long does she cry before going to sleep?

She doesn't cry at all in the evenings now. To begin with we would probably be in the 15 minute phrase before she went to sleep.

How old is she?

Just over 9 months.

Please don't have a go at me again.

If she gets to that stage again QS just abandon it, a daytime sleep is no reason to let the baby get so distressed they vomit. Well, scrap that - any sleep really.

Hope that doesn't sound bossy I don't mean it too. Just bear in mind CC isn't a magic cure and has to be flexable. I am sure you know that anyway.

I have a 9 mo son who wont self settle either. Have tried controlled crying - didn't work - it worked with ds1 but this little guy is a different ballgame all together.My husband is in with him at the mo and the little guy is going spare! I just dont think cc works with all of them. Don't worry -they are only babies for such a short time and it will pass. I am going through now to get him to calm down as he's just working himself up into a frenzy and its not worth the screamathon. Good luck.

Thanks frandango, you too, x.

Please don't use this technique.

All she will learn is to give up hope. Nobody screams like that without needing comforting, for whatever reason.

She is tiny and she needs you and this is more important than anything else. (unless the house is about to burn down etc etc)

You say it worked once, but if so why do you need to do it again?

Please, please don't do this. There are far gentler ways. Babies don't sleep when you want them to, it's as simple as that. Your job is to work around THEM.

Sorry I don't want to sound harsh, just trying to explain why this is making you feel bad. Listen to your instincts. x

9 months is also classic age for a big separation anxiety phase. She will be feeling very upset being separated from you at this age anyway.

I know you care but I think you are misinformed and taking an approach you don't like because of desperation. I don't blame you, but I would really, really not do this any more as it is not doing either of you any good.

Flightattendant, you don't sound harsh, just informative and non-judgemental. Thank you, x.

Gradual withdrawal will be much better & kinder for her age. Especially now, at separation anxiety age.

She won't understand CC at her age. All she knows is that she is crying & no one is answering her.

Then stop it!

If you are doubting it as a mother then don't do it! :(

There is also a very common sleep regression around this time which messes up babies' sleep. For some, it affects nights, others naps only, some both and some lucky things aren't affected. It's caused by a big developmental spurt which means babies' brains are whizzing so fast that relaxing into sleep is difficult.

This may be having an effect. During a sleep regression is the worst possible time to try sleep training (whether CC or more 'gentle' methods) as many babies' brains are so busy they simply don't have the spare mental capacity to 'learn' how to sleep differently at this stage.

More on the 9 month regression (including links about sleep training issues at this age) here, here and here.