15 month old is ruining my life

[cocopear]

i know this will sound melodramatic. and having read a few threads on here i know that there are people in worse situations (sleep wise) than me, but i am going nuts.

my 15 month old dd slept through the night from 7 weeks, and i mean 10-12 hours, it was great. however when she turned one everything changed. she now screams for hours when we put her to bed, and then most nights since she turned one has woken between 2 and 4am for at least an hour, usually 2. it starts as chattering then turns into what sounds like angry screeching. she is so fucking loud as well. our walls are paper thin and we can hear eveything.

i have also got a 4.5 year old DS who is a brilliant sleeper, always has been, right from a few weeks old, 12 hours through the night and still does now. he is lovely, well behaved, kind, quiet, easy, loving, chilled out, right from day one. dd is the total opposite, even in the day she is demanding, miserable, screechy and noisy. i dont even like taking her out, ie friends houses, town, shops etc. but i make myself because we would go mad stuck in.

it also makes me horrible to DP and horrible to DS. if DS puts a foot wrong i scream at him. and i have hit him before for minor things :( and i hate myself for it. i know that its because i want to take it out on DD for making me feel like this but i cant, and wouldnt, she is just a baby. and i am horrible to DP when she wakes in the night, even though he gets up as much as i do, i take it out on him. as for sex, we used to be at it all the time, we have only been together 3 yrs and really fancy eachother, but its gone from most nights to once, maybe twice a week and i have to force myself to do it because when i am in bed i just want to sleep.

i am not a person that copes easily with tiredness, i look like shit, i feel like shit, i am so down, i feel like a zombie, like everythings in slow motion, i cant think straight. i want to look for a part time job but i cannot contemplate holding down a job while being up every fucking night. even though we need the money.

sorry this is long and rambling, i dont even know what i want people to say to me, i guess i just needed to write it down.

i feel like i hate her. :(

I have felt like this before and whatever anyone says, I think the way you're feeling is perfectly normal when you're so tired. I am so sorry for you reading the above. If I were you, because it is affecting your life so much, I would call a sleep clinic and get some help. I know the Millpond Sleep Clinic are good. Yes it will cost money but think of it as buying your life and your happiness back. As well as that of your son's. I am horrible too when I don't sleep. x

well i am glad at least one person doesnt think i am mad or a horrible mother, or both.

but do you really think she needs a sleep clinic? at such a young age?

Hi

I really feel for you; I thought I was on my own with my feelings but yours sound similar (scarily so). I would definately recommend a sleep clinic. I took my daughter to one (now 19 months) at about 1 year old - it was run by one of the health visitors. She went through various techniques and other mums were there as well. I found it a bit like weight watchers as you all supported each other and everyone was totally desperate! Essentially controlled crying worked for us. about 5 nights of hell but then SO much better. We now have great skills to get her back to sleep when she slips back into bad habits. Definately seek help - even if you just find out about what help there is out there. Good luck

coco, i know only too well the misery of sleep deprivation. and it's so much worse when they used to sleep well and then changed.

I guess I would be wondering WHY she changed, before charging in with sleep clinics etc etc

is it possible that she is actually hungry in the night? did her eating habits change? did you for example, swap from formula to cow's milk? if so maybe that is irritating her?
has she had a big developmental spurt?

I am not a fan of sleep training in young children at all. I truly and wholeheartedly believe that a baby (and she is still a baby as you rightly point out) cry for a reason. it is the only way she can tell you that something is up.
of course you can train her not to wake up in the night. but that doesn't remove whatever it was that was causing her to cry for you

is there ANYTHING that stops her crying? if you sit with her while she falls asleep? if you give her a bottle of milk? if you sing to her?

I found with my second child that it was actually a whole lot easier to change MY life, than to try and get him to change. it took me a long time to figure that out tho. I started going to bed earlier, either taking him with me so i coudl feed him in bed or leaving him for dp to settle.
i got dp to get all the kids up in the mornigng so i could have an extra 20-40 mins sleep.
I called in favours from anyone I could, so that I could try and nap during the day. if no-one was around then i dozed on sofa with ds2 while ds1 watched a dvd

ds2 was always a terrible sleeper, but at 2.5yrs he now settles down by himself, sleeps through the night and naps well during the day. I know 2/5 will seem awfully old to some people, but my point is that despite being there for him and constantly comforting him when he was upset i haven't made a rod for my own back!!! he learnt to sleep through and self settle at his own pace, and i woujldn't have done it any other way

Watching thread as my 15 month old is exactly the same only he stopped sleeping well at 24 weeks or so.

It's pure torture.

Is it ongoing teething issues? Does Calpol work?

Just wanted to add my empathy...I have a sleep thread regarding a 15month old too and I can relate whole heartedly to how much it takes over your life!!!

Can I just say hun - your other half is doing very well to be getting it as often as he is given the level of sleep deprivation you describe! No tips for the sleep thing, but it sounds like your are doing really well to give everyone else in your life a bit of you! Hope you get it sorted