Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Sleep

Join our Sleep forum for tips on creating a sleep routine for your baby or toddler. Need more advice on your childs development? Sign up to our Ages and Stages newsletter here.

Flip

Original poster

How do we tackle dd not staying in her bed?

20 replies

wem · 15/08/2010 19:33

We moved dd (21 months) into a toddler bed a couple of weeks ago. It went really smoothly and until recently for both naps and bedtime she would go to bed and play in her room for a while before getting herself into bed and going to sleep.

However, a few days ago she worked out that she could get out of her room and since then it's all gone wrong. At first she was upset when she came out and we weren't there so we spent a while comforting her then kept putting her back to bed when she got out, staying on the landing so we were outside her room when she came out. It took a while the first night but eventually she went to sleep.

Now it's just become a game to her. At naptime today we spent over an hour putting her back every time she came out, but there was no progress and eventually we gave up as we had friends over and it was getting ridiculous. And so far tonight DH has spent 40 mins upstairs putting her back, even though she has only had 10 mins sleep in the car this afternoon, whereas she's been used to getting a couple of hours sleep in the day.

She's not getting upset, it's just backwards and forwards, up and down.

Is there any other approach we can use? Do we just have to stick with it? How long before she gets the message?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Original poster

wem · 27/08/2010 07:51

Bumping this as it's been two weeks and it's not getting any better, worse if anything. The last two nights she's got up in the middle of the night. It took over an hour of putting her back in her bed before she went back to sleep. And naptimes have become a nightmare, she messes about for about 30 minutes, then gets upset before finally crashing out.

I'm dreading the answer to this, but is it time to drop the naps? Just so that she's properly tired at the end of the day? The thing is she does still seem to need to sleep, she's yawning beforehand and once asleep will sleep for more than an hour. And on the odd occasion she's only had 10/20 minutes because we've been out in the car she is grouchy by 5pm.

Any advice? I'm getting worried as DD2 is due in 5 weeks and we really need this sorted before then as we just won't have the time to be spending an hour putting DD1 to bed.

OP posts:

Original poster

wem · 27/08/2010 09:26

Anyone? If only to tell me it's just a phase and she'll get bored of it eventually?

OP posts:

Tortington · 27/08/2010 09:28

drop the naps

keep putting her back in ned with no talking from you - no interaction at all.

put a stairgate ont he door and leave her too it

Original poster

wem · 27/08/2010 09:37

Thanks Custardo. We've been keeping the interaction to a minimum, I say 'time to sleep' in the most bored, monotone voice I can manage :).

With the stairgate, is that with her door open? It's normally left ajar, which is why she can get out. Do you keep going back in to put her into bed even with the stairgate? Or just if she gets upset?

OP posts:

Original poster

wem · 27/08/2010 16:41

One more bump...

OP posts:

muggglewump · 27/08/2010 16:48

Keep with it, and be consistent, and persistent.

She will learn.

I'd take the gate off, let her come down and promptly put her straight back, or she'll think she can get up and play whenever she likes.

You must keep going though. If you give in after half an hour, she'll learn to keep going for 35 minutes next time, give in after 35 minutes, and next it'll be 40 etc.

LackingInspiration · 27/08/2010 16:51

Drop the naps.

Cuddle her to sleep until she's old enough to do it herself.

Don't put a stair gate on You don't want her to feel trapped and end up hating her sleeping space, where she should be feeling safe and secure!

She'll learn - she's only tiny! We expect children to be mini adults far too young in their lives!

Ladymuck · 27/08/2010 16:52

If you haven't used a stairgate yet, then I think it is worth a try. Keep the door open if that is what she is used to. It is a tedious process, but worth it in the end.

muggglewump · 27/08/2010 16:57

She's not tiny, she's 21months, and old enough to stay in her bed.

The op didn't mention sleeping problems, just getting out of bed problems which is very common once kids go into a bed and realise they can get out.

LackingInspiration · 27/08/2010 16:59

21m is tiny, and not old enough to stay in her bed, hence how many threads about similar issues in other families. It is normal for toddlers to do this - they are not naturally ready to sleep on their own yet.

muggglewump · 27/08/2010 17:31

Do you think so?

Obviously I can't be sure until OP comes back but I'd assumed her DD was going to sleep fine in her cot, and it's only because she's discovered a new trick-getting out of the bed, that there's a problem.

That would say to me that it's a getting up problem, and not a sleeping one.

And no, 21 months isn't tiny, it's a toddler, a newborn is tiny.

chocolatefroggie · 27/08/2010 17:43

We've just been through exactly this, dd aged 2 has now been in a bed for 2 months we started with a stairgate on her door- ~she climbrd over it!
then dh started cuddling her to sleep but this was taking at least 40 mins a night and she started taking longer and longer to settle so we made sure her room was safe and just shut the door
the first night she cried for 20 mins and knocked on the door
the second night she knocked on the door for 5 mins and didn't cry
now she just goes to sleep quite happily - unless we leave door open in which case she dances on the landing shouting "awake"

We open the door a crack when we go to bed so we hear her in the night and she can come find us in the morniing

It was hard to just shut her in her room and I was worried, but she knew she was meant to be sleeping and once the distractions were gone she was fine.

I'm not normally one for tough love but sometimes they just need to know the boundaries

chocolatefroggie · 27/08/2010 17:45

ps we had to drop the naps also otherwise she just wasn;t tired enough to go to sleep

jellybeans · 27/08/2010 17:52

I went through it with all mine. Youngest is 21 months and he comes to bed with us. long story but he has bad reflux and is a terrible sleeper. I also can't leave him to share with his brothers yet (no spare rooms) for various reasons so he is still in with us.

But with my older ones, they dropped the naps, and we put a stair gate on the top of stairs and kept putting them back in bed. Sometimes they cried etc but they all got used to it in the end. I needed a break by then (8-9pm) and time with DH.

Other things that helped...CD player with story tapes left on. Light show on the ceiling. This stage will pass and it's just a case of trying everyhting and then gritting your teeth if nothing works!!

Original poster

wem · 27/08/2010 18:03

Sorry, had to go make dinner, thanks for the replies. DD was sleeping fine in her bed for a few weeks. In fact we'd often go in to check on her and it'd be obvious she'd got up, gone to get a book or a toy, and then got herself back into bed and gone to sleep. We used to hear her chattering away for half an hour or more before she'd finally settle quite happily. The problem has only been since she figured out she could leave the room.

I'm not sure we're at the point of shutting the door on her. The stairgate option seems less extreme but I am worried about upsetting her and making her feel trapped in there, given that she used to be so happy playing in her room.

Anyway, she hasn't had a nap today and seems to have coped ok, so we'll see what happens this evening. She certainly looks quite sleepy now, so hopefully it'll be a shorter process.

OP posts:

Original poster

wem · 27/08/2010 18:10

Missed jellybeans' post while I was typing - I like the idea of story tapes or a light show. It does feel like we need to make it more fun/interesting to stay in her room than play the game she's playing with us at the moment.

OP posts:

LackingInspiration · 27/08/2010 19:16

They do that - regressing. It's how they grow up. Two steps forward, one step back. Changing as they learn new things.

Trapping her in her room is not, IMO, the answer. Making her room and the process of going to sleep lovely and pleasant probably is!

gowest · 27/08/2010 19:24

We had this with my 2yo when she went into a bed. I could tell you alot that didn't work but here's what worked for us.

Good consistent bedtime routine.

Stairgate at the door.

No interaction exept if she was shouting for us I would just always say the same thing (in a supernanny way) "It's nightime darling, back to bed and no more talking".

She got up in the night a few times and it was the same drill. We had some AWFUL nights with her standing at the stairgate shouting, but she did learn what was going to happen, and everything soon improved.

As for the naps she'd dropped hers by then anyway. If I think she's shattered I'll take her out in the car and let her fall asleep and then transfer her onto the sofa. She won't go in her bed during the day. No idea why not.

gowest · 27/08/2010 19:34

I should add that DD no longer has the stairgate on (it was removable). It was on for about 8 weeks, then we agreed it wouldn't be put on if she stayed in her bed.

She now goes to bed with the door left open and stays there.

Glad we tackled it the way we did. No regrets.

autodidact · 28/08/2010 10:28

Smiled at chocolatefroggie's daughter dancing on the landing shouting "Awake!". I can imagine my daughter doing someting similar in a few months time. My twins used to run round our flat going bananas at bedtime when we first got beds for them. We put a stairgate at their door in the end and then they ran around their room going bananas instead. Eventually they'd get bored and hop into bed or we'd get bored and try being firm. Ah happy days. They're 11 now and approaching the teenage sleeping grunting phase. Good luck, wem.

Flip