controlled crying - a question

[testbunny]

hi,

our ds who is 18 months does not know how to settle himself when he wakes in the night. he is 'used' now to coming downstairs sitting in front of the telly for a bit then going back up stairs to his cot! sometimes if we sleep in his room or shh him to sleep by the side of his cot he settles without the need to go downstairs, but it is competely random. and often he ends up in our bed! if we dont go in or try or leave him he goes into a real rage and i'm scared he will bang his head on the cot. i know its because he wants us to go in (and is used to it) because as soon as we pick him up he stops!

ultimately the problem has arisen because we are used to rushing into him when he wakes up in the night so he doesnt wake his older sister up (who slept fine as we didnt rush into her when she was his age)

anyway, we now want to try CC. i understand the concpet and the basics of increasing the amount of time you leave it between going in but.....does DS have to be settled/quiet again before you leave the room or should we leave the room even if he is in a rage!

thanks very much

I think you leave the room if he is in a rage..

Although I did the mean version of cc so I cannot be quoted on that.

did it work 'knickersonmyhead'??

I did cc with my ds when he was much younger. ( not everyone approved but it worked for us) at first you will probably find that he settles when you walk into the room but then gets worked up when he realises you aren't about to pick him up. I would go into ds stay with him maybe 30 seconds to a minute to tell him everything is ok and ssh him etc then walk out. I would do this in the end whether he was crying or not.

Be prepared it is hard work. I'm glad I did it and it did only take 4 or 5 nights but they were hard- i found it difficult to leave him crying but knew it was in everyones best interest in the long run. Hth

CC, IMHO, is about reassurance not being left to cry.

If he starts you have to go in and check him straight away, give him a cuddle and try to calm him down.

If he starts crying as soon as he is put back down, maybe 'shush' him and pat him or rub his back or tummy. You could walk away for half a minute or a minute, extending that time each time. As long as he knows you will be coming back.

I chose the retreat version, so I'd sit and pat/shush/stroke for a while, gradually moving away so DC4 couldn't see me and would 'shush' if she started up again.

Its all a bit of a process and takes a few days.

I also found a voice-activated light show really useful. The winnie the pooh one in mothercare.

It took a month, but yes, it did work.

He was that bad that the usual method of cc didn't work, and I spoke to my hv and she ok'd what I planned to do.

I kept a sleep diary which I still have somewhere.

He was 11mo at the time.

it does work. But it does mean leaving them to scream. and going in at increasingly longer intervals. basically they eventually learn that thne screaming does not work

Its HARD!!!

the thing to remember is that heartrending tho it sounds, its most often anger!

if you can face 1 hour of screaming, for maybe 3-4 nights thewn do it, but you have to be prepared

There is very common sleep regression at 18-22 months because babies' brains are working hard on a huge developmental spurt. Not only does it mess up their sleep, but it means that sleep training (whether CC or more gentle methods) is unlikely to be successful at this stage. More info here, here, here, and here.

Here is some useful info on sleep training

I did cc and it worked. But it was hard too so you need to have a plan!

We did cc as well and I swear by it. My hubby and I decided to 'enjoy' the experience and bought in sweets, books and wine to the bedroom. We even stayed in our dressing gowns in bed so it wasn't such as stress getting out of bed in the middle of the night. The first few nights were really hard and our babe cried for 3 hours once without giving up. The cc method however said to go from 2 - 5 - 10 minitue intervals up to 45 mins of crying and then leave 20 minue intervals,then 30 and finally 45 minute intervals. We took it in turns to go in and played cards during the crying hours (and drank lots of wine). It does sooo work however so go for it.

I am a bit confused as to how you can enjoy the experience of leaving your child to cry. Most people who try it find it quite heart wrenching. Bizarre.
Have no advice sorry as currently trying to teach our 8 month old to self settle and have no idea if we are ever gonna get there.