Honestly, DS is 15 months and just doesn't sleep

[llareggub]

Well, he does a little.

He does however wake every couple of hours and need settling. At 3am or so he howls and howls. I breastfeed and around 2 months or so ago we decided that I'd no longer feed at night, so agreed that DH would handle the night waking for what we thought would be a week or so of pain for long term gain.

Poor old DH is exhausted but we really don't want to go back to breastfeeding at night, which is all he wants, bless him, when he sees me.

DS2 slept tremendously well between 8 and 24 weeks but it has been horrendous since then. He has slept through 5 or 6 times or so since 24 weeks and we are knackered. He wakes up at 5am and usually ends up waking up his brother too.

We need help. Where do we go from here?

We've tried:

Taking him out of a cot and into a bed

Not feeding at night

Cuddling

Shushing

Endless pacing of corridors

And, that's it. Any suggestions? Please?

mine was like that. althoiugh he never slept well,. was up hourly til about 9 or 10 months, then we gradually got longer gaps.
he sleeps through now at 2.5 yrs!!

personally i am of the opinion that if a need is met it will no longer be a need. but a need that is not met will continue to manifest itself

if he generally wakes at 3 and really wants a feed, then i'd give him one, esp if he then sleeps a bit longer than 5am.
one night feed isn't that bad surely?

if you've been trying for 2 months to stop this wake-up i'd say that i think it's not working and perhaps he NEEDS that feed?

Hmm. You argue a good point. I'll give it a go. The main thrust behind stopping the night feed was the fact that we co-slept but got to the point where we really needed the bed back. So I gradually got him in his own room, then cut down on the feeds.

I will try again tonight. Thanks for your help.

ahh yeh, night feeds become more annoying if you have to go into another room don't they?

i moved ds2 into ds1's room, hoping that somehow it would make him sleep through, i have no idea why i thought it might.
it didn';t. but it used to kill me sitting awake in that chair feeding him lol

We can't leave him cry because he is a loud little chap and he'd wake his older brother up, and then we'll all be shattered!

The problem with Ready Brek is that he eats his evening meal with us around 5 or so, has a bath and a story then has a breastfeed before falling asleep at 7pm.

He is in a bed and usually settles quite quickly. Earlier on he woke and DH just had to touch his back and he went back to sleep.

He wakes up every 2-3 hours. It is only at 3ish or so that he screams. He just won't sleep for longer than 3 hours.

I am going to sound very negative now but he has never had a bottle. He uses a cup during the day. I guess I could pass him a beaker of water.

He is very loud and I really don't want my 3 year old to wake up. I'm not sure we have it in us to leave him cry so I think I shall try a 3am feed and see if that gives us a bit more sleep in the morning.

My DD has only recently started sleeping through more nights than not,and she is 3.I co-sleep so she tends to prod me awake and demand a bf.I feel your pain as I am knackered beyond belief,but that's babies eh?

DD at 15 months was still waking up once or twice in a middle of the night. I would usually fall asleep bfing her so we co-slept for the second part of the night.

It was tiring, but OTOH I just let it happen and then she stopped waking up and now at 18 months she sleeps through. I also found that putting her to bed later had some effect- so she goes to bed at 9 and wakes up at 7.30-8.30.

I would just go with the flow and if there's no improvement in a couple of months then I would try some other approaches.

He might pleasantly surprise you.

Sorry onedeadbadger, I wasn't trying to be awkward, was just aware that I seemed to be putting blockages in the way of each suggestion. What I meant (quite clumsily I admit) is that we don't have any beakers as he uses a cup, so it isn't something I can try tonight. I will go and buy a beaker though so that we can.

Thank you all for your suggestions.

I did try co-sleeping again with him last night in his cot-bed. That is when we discovered that DH had forgotten to fix one of the fixings so the stupid thing collapsed when I snuggled up next to DS. That didn't help settle him at all!

I'm thinking that I may try co-sleeping again for a while. He is in the process of stopping cruising and walking independently so I shall hope that when he gets the hang of it he will sleep better.

co-sleeping is easier if you have a baby that doesn't sleep well I think,as at least you can go back to sleep quickly and not have to shuffle about waking yourself up properly.With DD1 ,after a certain age,if she woke I could just put my hand on her back and she would go back to sleep.

I really feel for you as we went through similar problems with DS, and had a 3 yo too who he shared a room with (plus live in a small terraced house and didn't want to disturb the neighbours!) It was exhausting and I was desperate for a solution! But I'd echo what whinnybella said and just go with the flow - for us we used to bring DS into our bed when he'd wake in the middle of the night, and he would spend the rest of the night there (DH sometimes relegated to sofa!) To be honest, I was just too tired to have any sort of battle with him. But from about 18 months he started getting better and waking later and later - and finally, now he's 2 1/2, he doesn't wake up until 7am.

I found The No Cry Sleep Solution a reassuring read, even if there weren't any sure fire answers in it.

Good luck, hang in there and remember that this WON'T last forever!

but if you're going to give a drink then it may as well be breastmilk surely?

i wouldn't be happy with leaving a 15 month old with a beaker/bottle alone in bed

and remember that breastfeeding isn't just about the milk either. it may be that he needs more than just the milk at that time too, he might need comfort

i have no doubts that by denying that he will eventually stop asking for it. but that isn't necessarily the best thing to do

actually tikkabillajive's post has just reminded me that we did similar with ds2 actually.
for an early morning wake he'd just come in with us, i sometiems sent dp to get him so i didn't even have to get up, and he then spent the morning in bed with us, where he slept much longer than in his cot!

Well, thisisyesterday, I took your advice and gave him a good feed when he woke up around 1am. He fed for ages, and when I put him back into his bed he fell back and slept like a starfish until 5am. Fabulous!

He has also been asleep this morning since 9ish, so a great nap. He usually sleeps for around half an hour.

We are going back to breastfeeding at night for sure.

Just to clarify, the starfish thing relates to his arms and legs being starfishlike and is not to reference to the sleeping abilities of a starfish. Who may sleep a lot, I don't know.

But the point is, he didn't move until 5am. Yay!

Personally I wouldn't leave beaker/bottle/cup (anything) in bed/cot with a 15 month old. Wouldn't feel comfortable doing that.

Second, I feel that with these situations there has to be a compromise. Unfortunately, not everything can work at the same time. You seem (as you yourself admit) to be putting obstacles in each suggestion. To be honest, I strongly feel that a 15 month old doesn't need milk in the night and that it's actually disrupting his sleep when you offer him drinks because it's creating a habit. A habit and a need often get confused here on MN, of course a baby / toddler will want something that comforts them just because they're used to it (we adults need things because we're used to them too) but habits do change quickly as long as YOU make up your mind about what you feel is best for your family. IMO toddlers get used to different ways quite easily as long as the parents are sure & consistent. I'm talking of anything harsh, just do whatever feels right to you (eg your DH can go to him in the night & comfort him). But you have to accept though that unfortunately in order for sleep habits to change, even with the gentlest methods, there will be some tears, I really think it's unavoidable, and it's actually not a bad thing if it means better sleep for all involved. Controlled crying is not popular here on MN but can work wonders for the age your child is, and usually is much quicker / less painful than people imagine if done properly & consistently.

The only other option I can think of is to go back to co-sleeping (but I found with my DS that didn't work as he was growing as his sleep & ours became very very unsettled).

Good luck with whatever you decide!

(meant I'm not talking of anything harsh, obviously)

That's great news llareggub - it's amazing how triumphant you can feel after a decent sleep isn't it!

Good to hear by the way, llareggub, that you had a good night's sleep, that's lovely when it happens. Do whatever works for you, but I really think consistency is key. Even if you want try different things (eg feeding at a particular time in the night) do it for a relatively long time to see if it's working.

In fairness, we did give the not feeding a good go. It just wasn't working for us.

Fingers crossed for tonight.

glad it worked! :-D