Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Sleep

Join our Sleep forum for tips on creating a sleep routine for your baby or toddler. Need more advice on your childs development? Sign up to our Ages and Stages newsletter here.

At end of my tether with 4.5 year old DSs bedtimes

12 replies

fruitstick · 04/08/2010 12:14

I know this is done to death but I really need some help.

DS1 has never gone to bed well, we have periods of going well and then it all goes pear shaped again.

I know I know that it is a power struggle with him but I am run ragged by it. I can't cope anymore and I know my stress is fuelling the situation.

DS is a lovely boy but it is almost like a switch goes off after 6pm. He suddenly almost becomes hyper active. Bouncing around, running, leaping on furniture, throwing himself to the ground. It is a struggle to get through bathtime and story time but eventually he calms down enough to sit and listen to stories in his bed. We have stories and then a few songs - which he has to lie nicely for or I stop.

But then he just won't go to bed. He gets up and down, plays with his toy, jumps on the bed, climbs on the windowsill. REcently he's taken to sitting on the loo for ages. Anything to not go to bed. He is so tired and so sleep deprived - you can see it in his eyes but often it's nearly 10pm by the time he eventually falls asleep.

It's a vicious circle as the more tired he becomes day by day, the more hyperactive he becomes during the day.

He's very intelligent (I think) and articulate so I have spoken to him about it in the morning. He says that sleep is boring and he's not tired.

I've tried everything. Sticker charts, rapid return the lot. We've always had a consistent bedtime but I think the problem is that this has become so engrained in the routine this is just what we do now.

He's gone back to wetting the bed recently too and I'm convinced it's because he' so tired that he is just passing out into such a deep sleep.

He starts school in September and desperately needs his sleep.

OP posts:
luciemule · 04/08/2010 22:38

I think you should try starting the routine before he gets to that point and if he's at the hyper point, skip a bath and give him a quick once over the bottom with baby wipes and brush his teeth.

Once he's had his story (short one)from you, say goodnight and tell him it's quiet time; so he knows that it's not just about sleeping but about relaxing. If he gets up, tell him he can lie and look at a book if he stays in bed and then he needs to go to sleep.

Could you take him for a walk late in the afternoon before tea or let him play in the garden running around so he's had some fresh air and exercise which will hopefully tire him out more too.

fruitstick · 04/08/2010 23:26

He gets plenty of exercise. I'm not I can start bedtime routine early enough to beat the hyper activity, especially as I also have ds2 to put to bed.

I might try nit giving him a bath though, just to change the routine for a while.

OP posts:
luciemule · 04/08/2010 23:29

Or maybe, the bedtime is too early? perhaps just let him play quietly in his room until later (7:30). Perhaps he's just not ready to go to sleep at the time you want him to. Our dd (8) is like that - no matter how early we try to get her to go to sleep, she will rarely sleep before 9pm.

fruitstick · 04/08/2010 23:39

Thanks lucie. I've been thinking about that. I think the bedtime routine is too long. I think ds needs to be asleep by 8 but if I let him watch tv til ds2 goes to sleep at 7, o could then hove ds1 a bath by himself and might get more attention.

What do you think?

OP posts:
luciemule · 05/08/2010 09:48

He maybe feels (not being critical of you) that you're off upstairs being with DS2 and he's stuck on his own in front of tv. I know he doesn't realise that you're doing a job putting DS2 to bed but I think he'll see it as time you're not with him. Could you take him up to either play in his room or just help you with DS2. If DS2 is a baby, could they still have the bath together? At 4.5, DS1 could wash himself and dry himself surely? If he thinks you're spending the time with the both of them, I think he'll be less hyper/getting your attention and will settle down nicely. He can still go to bed a bit later but he'll know you're spending time with them both, rather than (as he sees it)just with DS2. How old is ds2?

mustrun · 05/08/2010 09:55

ds2 is about the same age, and bedtime has become v v hard in the last 2 months or so; before that, he was out like a light.

From what I recall, it was at about the same age that ds1 didnt want to go to bed, started getting hyper etc. But it was a short lived phase. ds1 still doesnt sleep, but it didnt take veery long for him to settle into doing his own thing in bed; books,drawing, stories on cd. There is no point in forcing him to try and sleep when he cant. He's quiet and relaxed.

The prob, as I suspect you have, is that now I have both ods them to deal with, ds2 has always gone to bed first and quickly,. so even hyper, he calmed down and slept. Now he wont sleep, it means ds2 cant get to bed, as they mess about.

I'm hoping this is just a phase they tire of, and they they can both be awake but doing their own thing in sep beds soon.

As for the hyperness, I think my kids will awalys be like that before bed, cos they egg each other on.

fruitstick · 05/08/2010 20:14

Ds2 is 18 months. Tonight worked well. They had their bath together and then told ds1 he could watch a bit more tv if he day quietly while I put ds2 to bed. The extra 20 mins sitting still calmed him down immensely, rather than struggling to listen to stories with fs2.

Will try it again tomorrow to see if it was a fluke.

OP posts:
luciemule · 05/08/2010 22:10

Phew! Really pleased for you fruit stick. Hope it continues

woofie · 06/08/2010 10:30

Fwiw, my ds is 4.5 too and has recently started seriously fighting bedtime. He doesn't get particularly hyper but uses every prevarication in the book and then, when I pop in after all's gone quiet and I think he's asleep, he's almost always looking at books or playing with toys under the duvet... It's often 9.30 befor he's asleep atm. I think this is a very transitional age- not a baby any more, but still needing plenty of help and comfort, on the cusp of big school etc Maybe they just want to assert their big boy credentials by staying up late. Chances are when they actually start primary they'll be so zonked by the end of the day that they'll be fast asleep by 7 Smile

bippyhippy · 06/08/2010 21:22

Here's two things that I found useful with my 4 year old who was also a devil for going to sleep but now is a dream... I kind of did a mixture of the two :-)

Millpond Video

Bedtime battles

x

fruitstick · 07/08/2010 07:41

Thanks bippy they're really helpful.

I've come to the conclusion that because bedtimes have always been bad, they haven't moved on as he has got older. I'm still trying to get the bedtime he refused to have 12 months ago Grin.

I'm going to talk to him about what he would like to happen at bedtime and work from there.

OP posts:
fruitstick · 07/08/2010 07:42

Thanks bippy they're really helpful.

I've come to the conclusion that because bedtimes have always been bad, they haven't moved on as he has got older. I'm still trying to get the bedtime he refused to have 12 months ago Grin.

I'm going to talk to him about what he would like to happen at bedtime and work from there.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread