10 week old WILL NOT settle early evening.....

[Iggleonk]

......and then turns into a scream-a-thon as she gets so overtired. It is now 9.15pm and she is still crying (with DH) I am at the end of my tether what can I do. I have a toddler as well so early evening is the ONLY time I get to myself and I am nearly going out of my mind (there are a lot of tears in our household). Roughly our days go like this (but no day is the same)

7am wake & BF
8-8.30 back to sleep
9.30 wake and BF
10.30-11 back to sleep
12.30 wake and BF
2pm sleep
4-4.30pm wake and BF
5.45pm bath
6.30pm BF & in to bed
(then usually wakes and cries till 10pm)
11pm formula, takes 2oz
3am BF
7am off we go again

she goes into her Moses basket asleep but then wakes after about 30 mins and then the nightime fun begins as she will not settle till about 10pm. I really don't think it is colic as she is not inconsoulable but I have tried gripe water and cranial osteopathy just to be on the safe side. Also tried a dummy which is great until it falls out (after 5 mins) and then the yelling starts again. She yawns like crazy and her eyes are wide open and she looks wired but just cannot get to sleep.

Only think we have not tried is controlled crying as I just can't bear it, plus think she is too young. Everyone keeps saying you will get to 12 weeks and turn a corner but I can't see that happening.

I am starting to think I have PND as I am so tired I am crying all the time. DH also going crazy and today toddler asked if baby could go back in my tummy!! I am also thinking of giving up BF (see my other posts!) as wonder if she is not getting enough from me and needs more?

Please help.....

I know it's hard but try not to stress too much. It's true this 12-week-thing. I was completely stressed out with DS1 about getting him to sleep at 7pm and almost drove myself round the bend with it. I was a lot more relaxed with DS2, I let him sleep as and when he wanted. And in the first 3 months, he would sleep downstairs in the living room for his naps. I would take him upstairs for a last feed and to bed when we were ready to go to bed (about 10-11pm). It was only when he was bout 3 months old that he started sleeping soundly at around 7pm and we started to disturb him pottering about in the living room. That's when we started to put him upstairs to bed around 7pm. You will get your evenings back, just try to go with the flow at the moment. Those first few months of a baby's life I pretty much wrote off my own life (as in not have any!). Take care. It's very hard with two so young but it will get better (for me, when DS2 was about 7 months old, things suddenly got heaps easier...).

You poor thing, that sounds awful.

It sounds totally normal to me. An earlier 'bedtime' doesn't generally develop until 3-4 months (maybe later than 4 months in babies who had colic). I would guess she might be a bit colicky rather than having full-blown colic: some babies are more difficult at this stage without having full-on colic (my DS was one).

If you are feeding on demand then there is absolutely no reason at all why she would not be getting enough milk from you. Many formula fed babies are difficult in the evenings for the first few months too. I appreciate that you may want to give up bf for other reasons, but really, lack of milk is very unlikely to be the case unless you are trying to schedule or space out feeds.

I would try carrying her in a decent fabric sling for as much of the time as you can - during the day and during the evening (perhaps your DH could do the evenings to give you a break?) Experimental research studies have shown that babies who are carried for 2 hours a day or more cry around 50% less than other babies. The effect is more pronounced for babies who are unsettled in the evenings. It works best if the baby spends time in the sling when they're not crying, although the sling can alleviate the crying / unsettledness once it begins.

From 9 weeks to somewhere around 3 - 3.5 months DH and I spent our evenings tramping the streets with a shrieking baby in a sling. It gradually improved so that we suddenly realised that although we still had to walk DS in the sling, there wasn't really any crying any more. (We had to do the sling for a bit longer as he had to have a nap immediately before his bedtime feed, or he wouldn't feed to sleep.) Before long, we didn't have to take him out in the evening and he fed to sleep happily, first at around 8pm, and then eventually about 7pm.

Can you try co-sleeping at night to try to get a bit more rest? Is there anyone you can get to look after either your toddler or your baby for an hour or so in the day so you can have a bit of a rest?

You are right about the controlled crying thing - the people who recommend it say it shouldn't be used before 6 months (some say 12 months).

Cross-posted with mrspickles - I'd also try her suggestion of putting her down sooner to avoid overtiredness, as well as offering extra feeds.

It is hideous, but it will pass, really it will. It seemed forever when we were stuck in that horrible time, but now it seems like such a short while - and my DS is only 7 months now.

I have to admit that the first thing that I thought when reading your post was cluster feeding. Looking back I spent long hours marching up and down with DS because he must be tired and that was why he was crying, when in fact looking back he was just hungry.

I know that you say that early evenings are the only time that you have to yourself. So, what would you be doing with the time - watching TV, reading a book, MN??? Basically could you do these things (or whatever else it is that you wanted to do) and breastfeed at the same time? Once I'd seen the light, I tucked myself up in bed at 7pm with the remote, laptop, books, drinks and snacks and then just fed on and off until about 11:30pm when DS decided he'd want to go to sleep for more than 20 mins. It seemed to last forever at the time, but all of a sudden we're 4 months down the line and it all seems a bit dreamlike.

Hope things get easier for you.

thank you all....now 9.51pm and I have just rocked her to sleep 3 times but each time I lay her in her cot she wakes up yelling. Have had to just walk away for a bit.....amazing that toddler does not wake, she sleeps like a log.

really hoped I was going to get an easy second baby! sadly that is not the case......really am finding it SO bloody tough. I know it gets better as had up and downs with DD1 but nothing like this.

I do have help - my Mum comes two days a week but find myself wanting to do stuff with DD1 while she has baby as it is the only 1:1 time I get and I feel guilty about not spending enough time with her.

Will try later naps etc and see what happens. OK back upstairs to start pacing the floor with screaming baby.

night night

What happens if you offer a breastfeed in the evening? From what you've written it looks like she feeds every 2.5 hrs or so throughout the day, but then has a long gap of 4.5 hrs in the evening. She may well be hungry again by 2030/2100.

Tonight I have fed her - 4.30pm, 6.30pm, 8pm, 9pm and 10pm........would she be more satisfied on formula? I am questioning everything at the moment. 10.40pm and jsut laid her down to sleep. She has been crying on and off since 6.30pm.

dd used to feed pretty much non-stop from 5pm-10pm; what happens after the evening feeds - does she fall asleep? I'd be inclined to keep her downstairs, feed each time she wakes and just take her up to bed when you go.

I'm with Habbibu I'm afraid. DC3 would just feed and feed and feed in the evening and I rarely got him to bed before 11pm.
Was strange as he was such a happy little boy all day but he would just tank up in the evening.
Like you, he wasn't my first so I couldn't really get over it and thought I must have been doing something wrong.
But he did grow out of it and now he never fails to get to bed by 7pm (or 7.30 if he's feeling a bit like a party!)
I just had to let my DH get on with all those evening jobs, and take control of the remote control... This stage won't last forever if you can weather the storm, I do feel for you though...
Good luck.

I have a 10 wk old who feeds from about 6 until about 11. Her big sister did the same. It's very common and resolves about 12 weeks iirc. Can't see why formula would make it easier as at least with bf I can just vegetate when she's feeding. It's easier to cope if you just accept it and go with it. It will pass.

well she finally crashed at 11pm then woke at 4am and then 7.30pm.

NonnoMum, Habbibu and mollycuddles - I am going to take your advice and tonight I won't even attempt to put her down, I will just stick her in a sling and then feed and feed till she sleeps!! will see what happens!

thanks for support, I know it will pass.....she is such a happy little girl in the day and I just want her to be a happy little girl in the evening too so that Mummy can be too!!

Just remember this won't go on forever. It always helps when I know something that I find hard to cope with is not permanent. With babies I always found it hard to believe when people told me, but always found that realising that they wouldn't be like this at 18 helped.

you would think I would know that as this is my second baby but I still find it hard to believe!

It's hard when you already have a toddler to deal with. Everyone keeps telling me to enjoy the baby days, but all I did in the early days was wish that DS2 would grow up quicker so he can play with DS1 and I can get through the horrid first months of sleep deprivating, and reflux and then weaning etc. And I enjoy him a lot more now at 9 months old than when he was a month old!

i have this same problem with my little one, she'll go down7-7:30 maybe for halfnhour then wake up, she'll only sleep again while being held and she will not feed if she's tired!

after she's slept she'll take her feed then go down(anytime between 9:30-10pm and she will sleep through to 6:30-7am.

she is ff. 15weeks old.

5 hours! 11pm - 4pm - hope you slept the sleep of the dead!

And keep whispering to yourself, "This won't go on forever, this won't go on forever, this won't..."

(I promise not to mention the few times DC3 fed from 7pm - 2am...!)

Iggleonk, you might find the Kellymom information on cluster feeding & fussy evenings interesting.

Keep up the good work and eat plenty of cake!

I started to give my DD 2oz formula or EBM top ups after 7 pm and 11 pm breast feeds at around that age, when I'd got to the end of my tether with crying all evening. Think it's easier for a tired baby to get a tummy full from a bottle than a boob.

Worked for us, and within a couple of months she had the strength to get a tummy full from the boob so no more bottles

My answer is a bit different but it worked for us....we never realised how damn uncomfortable a Moses basket mattress is! The day we moved our son onto a proper, thick, supportive cot mattress he crashed out almost instantly at bedtime and his wakings were less frequent.

My daughter was a bigger birth weight and we had no choice but to put her into her cot as her head was at the top of the basket at 10 weeks. We also noticed that there was a significant 'sag' on the basket's mattress when we picked her up - it must have been very uncomfortable for sleeping on.

I know this might seem a bit lame but those basket mattresses are just a 1 inch piece of foam, and your baby is gaining weight every day and bearing down on it.

You could try it?

Actually, Adelaide, we did start putting our DD into her cot at about the same time as introducing the top-ups, so that probably helped, too.

They get more aware at that age, so goings on in the house can overstimulate tired babies.