Co-sleeping BFing mums... pls reassure me!

[koeda]

I co-sleep with my 4.5 month old DS and BF on demand. I am aware that these 2 factors mean it's more likely that my DS will wake more often during the night, which is fine... to a point... Around 2 months he was doing 3-4hr stretches, then at 3 months this changed to 2hrs and now it's 2hrly if I'm lucky, with hourly from around 3am until morning and sometimes a completely unsettled hour or so in the middle of the night thrown in for good measure!

He is starting to teeth, learning to roll (which he tries to doat night, leading to the crying out/unsettledness), and has a bit of an itchy sweat rash around his neck which I'm treating so I know a lot is going on for him but I am starting to feel a bit ragged around the edges. He doesn't always want a feed either when he wakes, so I try to get him back off with his dummy with varying success.

I am happy for him to wake 2 hourly and feed back to sleep as I barely wake for this to happen and feel like I had a full night's sleep the next day, it's just getting a lot more difficult to settle him now and I'm starting to doubt my choice of co-sleeping which I normally love (I used to so look forward to cuddling up with my baby a month ago).

Can any co-sleeping BFing mums out there reassure me that this is just a (one of many) phase? I instinctively want to keep going with the co-sleeping but keep meeting mums in RL whose babies are sleeping through that I'm getting a teensy bit jealous. I have a side car cot which DS goes in for the first part of the evening - maybe I should try leaving him in it all night? Or is it just the 4 month sleep regression and nothing will help??

Give me your words of wisdom and stamina to see this through MN mums!!!

pl

I co-slept with DS2 who is now 15 months. From 8-24 weeks co-sleeping was a dream and I bored everyone silly about it.

From 24 weeks until, well, quite recently, it was a nightmare and only got better when we got him out of our bed and into a cot. We night-weaned at around 12 months or so and there was a definite improvement.

Are you lying down to feed? I didn't sleep much but did get to doze at least. It does get better!

Well done you! I breastfeed and co-sleep with my DS who is 22mths now, since he was born and I have never looked back! I don't think that the baby awakes more often, in fact because you are in such close proximity then neither of you wake up fully for a feed and you can drop off back to sleep as sson as your DS has latched on so you both sleep better!

As for the hourly/2 hourly feeds then I would say that this is pretty normal as they go through growth spurts/teething and fussy periods and all this will settle down in time.

Mums whoes babies sleep through are few and far between and whilst their baby might be sleeping through now, it could be a different story in a weeks or a months time as babies wants and needs change all of the time.

My DS went through unsettled phases and some nights I just really wished he would sleep in his own cot but I consoled myself that I was making an emotional investment in him and things would settle down which they inevitably do.

Now that he is older we have attached his cot to the side of our bed so we all hahve more room and we all sleep really well. I have never been comfortable with the idea of him sleeping all by himself in his own room, mot until he's a bit older anyway. they are only babies for such a short while, make the most of the snuggles now as they are quite special.

In the mornings now he will move form his cot and curl up into my back with his arm thrown over my waist, it is so sweet and such a nice way to be wkoen up. He makes soft 'uh, uh' sounds to tell me he wants me to get the boobs out and we both go back to sleep as he feeds. It really is the best way and not something you could ever regret.

Thanks for your replies! Yup, I do lying down feeding. I genuinely love it, well loved it until he became so difficult to settle. He'd wriggle a few times, I'd sleepily open one eye and squidge my nipple in the vicinity of his mouth, he'd latch on and as he's such a quick feeder he'd be done in around 5mins and we'd both drift back off to sleep. Now he's refusing milk, whacking him and me in the face, crying out with his practice rollovers and I'm needing to get out of bed to walk him every few nights arghgh....

But like TheBreastMilk says I really want to continue with this emotional investment, as does my DH. I'm just having a wobble about it as I didn't think co-sleeping together with BFing (AND a dummy!) could also be susceptible to such unruly nights. Here was me thinking it was only mums who had their LOs in separate cots/rooms that were pacing the floors in the dead of night - how wrong was I!

Everyone is different. If you feel like some personal space in bed then why not try the cot? Just feed him and settle him back down and see if this gives you a better night's sleep?

If it doesmn't work over a few days just chalk it up to experience and pop him back in bed.

I co-slept initially with all three of mine and loved it but did reach a point where I needed my bed back and they slept better in their cot.

I chucked DS out into his cot when he was 5.5m old. It was getting too awkward for both of us - neither of us were sleeping that well and we were disturbing each other.

We both slept much better after that, although I admit I spent the first few nights periodically creeping in to check he was still breathing...

I also continued to feed on demand, and if he fell back asleep easily, I would replace him in the cot - but if he didn't, and I was falling asleep myself, I would end up taking him back to bed with me. Sometimes this would be 3am, others gone 6am (and anywhere in between of course).

Due to circumstances well beyond my control, I ended up co-sleeping with DS again at age 21m. And still am - he's now 2.8yo. But he sleeps the first part of the night by himself, when he wakes up I go in and sleep with him (he has a double bed, don't ask, it involves history of house moving to Australia, only 2 bedrooms, buying a kingsize bed for our master bedroom and DS refusing/being too big/roll-y to go back in the cot).

True smallorange, it's not like he's going far considering I have the sidecar cot. I do keep saying I should give it a go - I really might if he doesn't settle soon. He might prefer a little more space.

i started to put DS now 6 mths in the sidecar cot more at about 4.5 mths. because of all the reasons you listed. he doesn't go in after every feed butb it means he has a bit of room to rol around and get comfy without me being in the way.
soory no caps feeding and typing.

Well, DS is in his sidecar as we speak and even though I said I would wait a few days I think I might as well just try it tonight and see... Will update in the morning!

Update as promised...

DS stayed in his sidecar until 4am when he came in with me. We both slept fine in between his wakings (usual 1-2 hourly) and there was definitely less thrashing about from him. However on the occasions I needed to settle him when he didn't want milk I almost had to get in the cot with him. I think he's used to my closeness in order to get back off to sleep.

So, no miracles as I'm having to be more alert when he wakes if he's in the sidecar BUT once his wakings reduce I think this could be the way forward as I feel a little more refreshed this morning even though I was up 5-6 times last night.

Thanks everyone for all your advice! I'm not sure why I was so against the sidecar as it's still essentially co-sleeping with an enormous expanse of mattress for the 3 of us. I think I just love the cuddles too much and maybe my DS just wanted a bit of peace away from me (already!!!).

Sounds like you're doing brilliantly. 5-6 wakings is quite a lot - but he'll soon start sleeping a bit better - so yes, it is just a phase! A big release for me was realising that babies just DO wake up, co-sleeping or not, and you've just got to accept that - otherwise you'll go mad. Once I stopped trying to get dd to 'sleep through' I felt much better

I co-slept with dd fulltime until she was around 7 months and was still do it on-off now. We had a sidecar cot too, but to be honest she slept better next to me in DHs space (unfortunately he had to sleep in spare room). I recall various phases where she slept well and various phases where she woke up all the time.

You might want to consider moving your ds into a cot when he's a few months older, maybe even in his own room. I do think that some babies get disturbed by their parents and so wake up more often as a consequence. With dd, once she started proper rolling, and being able to crawl, we moved her onto a mattress on the floor in our spare room. I bf her to sleep lying down on that, then creep out of the room and she'll happily sleep there undisturbed by us for most of the night. She still wakes up but normally only once or twice, unless she's going through a developmental spurt in which case I end up sleeping next to her (its a double mattress). Works quite well actually.

Good luck!

Thanks Ladymetroland. I am getting used to the wakings though it can be really frustrating when it seems to be going in a steady downward spiral! I mentally accept each phase, but goodness it is heartbreaking when 3hrly goes to 2hrly and now 1hrly without any let up over 3 months! Urgh urgh and more urgh!!

It gets easier. We co-slept and BF from birth, and at 8 months DD has suddenly decided she's ready to sleep through. I think she now enjoys having the extra space of a cot to roll about in, too..

Stick at it!

My LO had a similar phase at between 4 and 6 months. Yes it is bloomin' hard work! It does get easier. My LO seemed to naturally start sleeping most of the night around 1 (with ups and downs in between), always slept really badly when teething and did start to sleep better once properly walking. I got plenty of comments from friends and relatives for still BFing at night and co-sleeping past 6 months, but my LO is incredibly healthy, confident and is so smart. I think it's worth it in the long run. That said, it's tough when you've been up at 4am with a baby and have to go to work the next day.

At 18 months (which was recently) I decided II'd had enough of nightfeeding and that he would probably sleep better without it, so I ytold him we were stopping and we did. No problems at all. 20 mins of crying on the first night, then he had a beaker of milk. He hasn;t asked for a feed at night since, and just has one feed a day before bedtime. We co-sleep if he wakes up in the night which can be 2am, 4am or not at all.

One downside is they get used to sleeping in a big bed lol!!! My LO sleeps horizontally across our bed... We are moving him from his cot to a single as the toddler beds are too small (because he is used to a kingsize!!)

Hi Koeda - it is just over a month since you posted about co-sleeping and your LO. I was wondering how it is going now and what changes you made as I am in exactly the same position as you with my 4.5month old DS. He is in a side car cot and was waking every 3 to 4 hours which was fine, but he is now waking every 2 to 3 hours for food, and then in between for "other" reasons that I just cannot work out - perhaps wind, perhaps nightmares, perhaps a cuddle. I am wondering whether sleeping so close to him is waking him up.

Hi lionface

Sorry for the delay - I've not been able to get onto MN for the past month as I've been visiting family in Oz and staying with MIL who has no internet.

Not sure if you want to hear this but DS, who is now coming up 7 months, wakes almost hourly all through the night! He does have a few random 3 hour stints on the odd occasion but that's only once a week or so. I've sort of accepted it and given up experimenting/worrying as there could be a million and one reasons differing each night as to why he wakes. Teething, snuffy nose, hungry, lost dummy, jetlag, me disturbing him, DH coughing, just feel like a cuddle.... the list is potentially endless! I always start him in the side car and we do sometimes make it to midnight before he comes in with me but I don't sweat it as much anymore. It's weirdly liberating to not think too much about his sleeping patterns. If I have to fully wake in order to settle him I often end up thinking about what to make for dinner the next day instead of cursing the fact it's 2am and I've already been woken 4 times! I have to admit I've only reached this zen like state recently - not sure how long it will last for!

hi koeda and all on this thread. My DD is 4.5 months and I am exactly where you were when you started this thread. Reading it has been so helpful - thank you all, i found the sleepsection of MN so helpful with my DS 4 years ago, and great again now.

Hiyaa., my 5month old boy slept from 7-7 from 2weeks t 2month now he's waking every 2-3hour?? Only way to settle him Is a bottle what am I doing wrong?? Can anyone help! :) x